Are you ready for a mythological match-up between two mighty yet misunderstood creatures? Check the horizon and batten down the hatches because it’s Kraken vs. Cyclops! Writer, actor and creator of Reverend Matt’s Monster Science Matt Kessen is here to get things kraken, while Brains On producer and archaeologist Anna Goldfield fans the fires of fandom for the cyclops! Which team will take the crown– a monster squid who’s hundreds of feet tall? Or a giant with one eyeball?
Vote below for the team YOU think won!
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Audio Transcript
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ANNOUNCER: From the brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best.
CHARLOTTE: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi. I'm Molly Bloom, and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is a mythological match-up between two mighty yet misunderstood creatures. Check the horizon and batten down the hatches because it's Kraken versus Cyclops. We've got writer, actor, and creator of Reverend Matt's Monster Science, Matt Kessen, here to defend the Kraken.
MATT KESSEN: Yes, the king of all the sea monsters. Let's get Kraken. I'm sorry, that was a terrible joke. I beg your pardon.
MOLLY BLOOM: And Brains On producer and archaeologist, Anna Goldfield, is here to fan the fires of fandom for the Cyclops.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: That's right. Team Cyclops is keeping one big, beautiful eye on the prize.
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Charlotte from Framingham, Massachusetts. Charlotte plays the drums, paints landscapes, and is named after a famous spider. Welcome, Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE: Hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Charlotte, which spider are you named after?
CHARLOTTE: I am named after Charlotte from the book, Charlotte's Web by E.B. White.
MOLLY BLOOM: And you're a drummer as well. So what's your favorite beat to play?
CHARLOTTE: Anything really fast, anything in 16th notes, eighth notes, anything around there.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you like to play hip hop, rock and roll?
CHARLOTTE: A lot of things. '80s, '70s, '60s rock.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Will Charlotte want to go deep sea diving with the Kraken or do some island chilling with the Cyclops? Only she can tell. Charlotte, are you ready to judge this thing?
CHARLOTTE: Yes, definitely.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, before we get into this debate, it's time to review the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds of debate-- the Declaration of Greatness, the Micro Around, the Sneak Attack, and the Final 6. Our judge, Charlotte, will award points to the team that impresses her the most after each round.
But she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website, smashboom.org, and vote for whichever team you think won. OK. Anna, Matt, and Charlotte, are you ready? I
MATT KESSEN: Was born ready.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Yes.
CHARLOTTE: Definitely.
MOLLY BLOOM: Great. Then it's time for the--
ANNOUNCER: Declaration of Greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their sides. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin. And Anna, you're up first. Tell us why Cyclops is everyone's favorite hardworking hero.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: If you think a jumbo squid with an appetite for destruction is awesomer than a cyclops, think again. You might know about the cyclops from pop culture-- those one-eyed beefcakes in the Percy Jackson books or a bad guy from Disney's Hercules. But the legend is way older and way cooler than that.
The most famous cyclops was a guy named Polyphemus from The Odyssey. That's an epic Greek poem written more than 2,500 years ago. It's the story of a king named Odysseus who has a run in with a cyclops.
But the story is from Odysseus's point of view. He paints the cyclops as a filthy brute and an absolute stinker, a bully whose only pastime is violence. Rude and unfair. Here to tell you his part, I am thrilled to introduce Polyphemus the Cyclops. Get in here, my guy.
[DOOR OPENS]
[MASSIVE FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR SHUTS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
POLYPHEMUS: Krakens? Now that's a monster. Even I get the heebie-jeebies when I think about those suckers. Get it? Suckers, because of the suction cups on their tentacles.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: You're doing great, bud.
POLYPHEMUS: So I was just minding my own business on my island, watching over my beautiful sheep and my grapevines when a ship full of sailors pulls up uninvited. These losers snatched and barbecued one of my favorite sheep.
[SHEEP BAA]
And when I came to tell them to get lost, they freaked out because I look a little different.
[SCREAM]
You know, the whole giant with one eye thing. One thing led to another and Odysseus sticks a spear in my eye.
[GRUNT]
[SLASH]
[GROANS]
And I'm the monster?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Exactly. Cyclops aren't monsters, but they are hard workers. They've been master builders and metal smiths to the ancient Greek gods since, well--
POLYPHEMUS: Since the beginning of time. We were created to make magical items for the Greek gods up on Mount Olympus.
[THUNDER]
Zeus's thunderbolts? We make those.
[METAL CLANG]
A helmet of invisibility for Hades, god of the underworld? We made that.
[METAL CLANG]
A magical trident spear for Poseidon, god of the sea? You bet, we made that. What does the Kraken make? A mess. Broken ships and traumatized sailors everywhere.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: People love a mythical character with a steady job.
POLYPHEMUS: Yeah. What's the Kraken's job? Hooligan of the sea?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Exactly. The cyclops have also left their mark on language and storytelling. Ancient Greek walls still around today are called "cyclopean" because they're made with huge blocks of stone, the kind that seems like only a cyclops could move.
POLYPHEMUS: Yeah, we prefer to make and not break. Unlike squid-faced McShip crusher over here.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And have you ever seen smoke rising from the top of a volcano? Greek myths say that cyclops do their metal working deep underground, where hot magma fuels their forges. When you see that smoke, you know they're making some amazing creations.
POLYPHEMUS: We've always been great with fire. Last year, my family opened a restaurant called Cyclops Cave, where we broil everything over wood fires lit with hot magma. Whether you're making swords or sausages, it's all about controlling that flame.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Wow! What a family of artists. And speaking of artists. To finish off with a real treat, we have in the studio music legend and cyclops rock star, Bruce Strongstone!
POLYPHEMUS: No way! I'm a huge fan. And not just because I'm actually huge.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: That's right. The one-eyed wonder himself, the big boss rock star, here to perform his new hit single. Take it away, Bruce.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BRUCE STRONGSTONE: (SINGING) I'm just a hardworking average guy with two good hands and one good-- I am looking for, I'm looking for my shot. I've been spending all day in the forges and building up a gorgeous reputation 'cause a monster, I am not. I got my sheep, I got my wine, I got my eye on a good time.
I'm a cyclops. Baby, that's just fine. I got my sheep, got my wife, got my iron, I've got time. I'm a cyclops. Baby, that's just fine. Baby, that's just fine.
AUDIENCE: Bruce, Bruce, Bruce!
[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
POLYPHEMUS: Yay! Hard core!
ANNA GOLDFIELD: So, there you have it. Cyclops are hardworking, helpful, and have left a giant mark on the world. And dare I say our hearts--
POLYPHEMUS: Krakens? They're all washed up.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow. A Declaration of Greatness full of giant stars. Charlotte, what stood out to you about Anna's argument?
CHARLOTTE: Well, I thought the magma fire used to cook foods was very innovative. And I loved hearing Polyphemus's version of the story of The Odyssey. It was very eye-opening to see what he really went through.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, too soon.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Matt, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to prove why cyclops are cy-clunkers. And your time starts now.
MATT KESSEN: Well, it's interesting to me that they leaned so far into the cyclops being hard working Joes and indeed not even monsters. Fine. OK, I'll grant you that. I propose to you that monsters are cooler than not monsters. Also, they left out the end of Polyphemus's story, which is that Odysseus sails away and the cyclops just throws rocks at him and asks his daddy for help. It is pathetic, I'm afraid.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Look, people can change. Polyphemus has had a really, really, really, really, really, really, really long time to work on himself. And I think he's come a really long way. And I'm very proud of him.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Matt, it is your turn. Tell us why we should release the Krakens into our hearts.
CAPTAIN: Sailors, I have good news and bad news. The good news is there are literally thousands of fish on the surface of the ocean surrounding the boat on all sides.
SAILOR 1: Why is that good news?
SAILOR 2: Because this is a fishing boat.
SAILOR 1: All right, I keep forgetting.
CAPTAIN: The bad news is that the fish are here because they have been pushed to the surface by a colossal Kraken rising from the bottom of the sea.
SAILOR 2: Oh, no! It'll destroy the ship.
SAILOR 1: Look. You can see its enormous arms all around the boat.
CAPTAIN: Abandon ship!
[WAVES SPLASHING]
[SCREAMING]
SAILOR 1: Look. The arms. They're closing in around the ship.
SAILOR 2: It almost looks like it's cradling the ship strangely gently.
CAPTAIN: Quiet, you two. The Kraken is speaking.
MR. KRAKEN: Oh, the woodwork on this ship is exquisite and so well-polished. The crew has done a wonderful job taking care of it I should go congratulate them.
[SCREAMING]
[WAVES SPLASHING]
MATT KESSEN: This is the story of the Kraken, a gigantic and awesome sea creature who's so terribly misunderstood, it seems.
MAN 1: Excuse me? The Kraken is a beast, a mile and a half wide, with starfish arms or horns coming out of its back.
MATT KESSEN: Well, it's a medieval Scandinavian sailor.
MAN 1: The Kraken sinks our ships either with its horns or by creating a giant whirlpool!
MATT KESSEN: It's true. In ancient myths and stories, sea monsters would sink ships. But these beasts were being used as symbols to represent the power of the sea. Civilization has relied on the sea for millennia.
It provides us with food and an incredibly important means of travel. But it can also be dangerous. Its depths are a vast and terrifying unknown. Its storms can test even the most experienced crew.
And countless sailors were lost at sea throughout history. So humans told stories about monsters like the Kraken to help us understand the mystery and wrath of the ocean. And that incredible power makes it one of the coolest monsters of any monster ever.
MAN 2: I'm begging your pardon, but the Kraken is actually a sort of giant octopus or squid.
MATT KESSEN: Black top hat, long overcoat? You must be from the 1800s.
MAN 2: I am, sir. And it was in my time that science discovered that giant squid up to fully 60 feet long were entirely real, and surely the basis for the Kraken legend.
MATT KESSEN: Also true. In the middle of the 1800s, people found the dead bodies of giant squids and realized this was a whole new species. Since then, we've learned more about these amazing creatures. They live deep in the ocean.
They can grow as long as a telephone pole. And unlike the monster in stories, they're quite shy. Krakens inspire us to learn more about nature, as well.
MOVIE EXPERT: Actually, I'm a present-day movie expert. And in the film The Clash of the Titans, the Kraken is actually a huge monster with many clawed arms as any real movie fan would know.
ZEUS: Release the Kraken.
MATT KESSEN: Oh, yes, the phrase, "Release the Kraken," has been used in everything from memes to rap songs. If you need a powerful image for your movie or lyrics or whatever, you need the Kraken, hands down.
MAN 1: No, you don't understand the Kraken.
MOVIE EXPERT: It's like none of of you guys have seen any movies.
MAN 1: None of these versions are a mile and a half long!
MAN 2: Surely, the Kraken is one.
MATT KESSEN: Friends, friends, you're all correct.
ALL: What?
MATT KESSEN: The Kraken is all of these things and more. It's a legend so big so mysterious it's limited only by imagination. Wherever it appears, it carries the same message-- the ocean belongs to the Kraken. And we, humans, only use it because it lets us. That is its power.
[WAVES SPLASHING]
MOVIE EXPERT: Whoa!
MAN 2: Watch out.
MAN 1: It's the Kraken!
MR. KRAKEN: Oh, you guys are so nice. Check out this great boat I found.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
A Declaration of Greatness that really sucks you in. Charlotte, what stood out to you about Matt's argument?
CHARLOTTE: Well, I loved hearing that the sea monsters, especially the Kraken, were the personification of the power of the sea, as well as going back in time and seeing the point of view of these mythological animals from different people. I thought that was really innovative and interesting.
MOLLY BLOOM: Indeed. All right. Anna, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to show why Kraken is just a big old hacken. And your time starts now.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Listen, you've got to be squiding me. I want to ask you, who would you rather get a hug from? I mean, a big, strong cyclops or-- you get more arms per hug with a Kraken, but you have to like your hugs cold, wet, and squid-flavored. So, sure. And finally, who would you want as a friend? A guy who can whip you up a thunderbolt or Squidward's homicidal cousin?
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
MATT KESSEN: I personally would love a cold suckery hug from a whole bunch of giant arms. So, I mean, to each your own, I guess.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, the heart wants what the heart wants. And I--
MATT KESSEN: Exactly.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I don't speak for you, Matt.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Charlotte, it is time to award some points. Give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you liked best and one point to the most awesome rebuttal. You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one team's jokes win you over, or were you swayed by their killer logic? Both points could go to the same debater, each debater could get a point. It's up to you. Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Have you made your decision?
CHARLOTTE: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Matt and Anna, how are you two feeling so far?
MATT KESSEN: Confident but not overconfident.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Similarly, I feel powerful yet slightly vulnerable.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Take a moment to stretch out your tentacles or grab your monocle.
CHARLOTTE: And we'll be right back with some more Smash Boom Best.
ANNOUNCER: You're watching a State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What's up, debaters? Taylor Lincoln here with State of Debate's buddy of the century, Todd Douglas!
TODD DOUGLAS: Here I am. And we caught a big time logical fallacy, which is a debate mistake that makes an argument super easy to defeat.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: It was a stinker of a slippery slope. That's when you say a small action will result in a big earth-shattering outcome. It's an exaggeration to the max.
TODD DOUGLAS: Let's grab a seat in the cafeteria and listen in on this conversation between Jamie and Amanda.
JAMIE: Want a piece of gum?
AMANDA: Oh. Yes, please. Thank you.
[CHEWING]
[BLOWING BUBBLE]
[POP]
JAMIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
AMANDA: What?
JAMIE: Why would you blow a bubble?
AMANDA: Why wouldn't I?
JAMIE: Because first you blow a bubble, then what's next? You blow a raspberry, then you blow a horn, then you blow over in the wind, then you fall off a mountain and break your arm? Amanda, I can't be your caretaker for six months while your arm heals. I just can't. I have too much going on right now.
AMANDA: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down. It's just one piece of gum.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Man, that escalated quickly.
TODD DOUGLAS: It certainly did. Blowing a bubble is a small thing. And Jamie somehow drew a conclusion that it would end in a broken arm.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Her logic blew away with the wind in that one.
TODD DOUGLAS: OK, let's split a pack of bubble gum as we prepare for a more dynamite debating.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Catch you next time on--
BOTH: State of Debate.
(SINGING)
Best.
Boom.
Smash. Smash.
Boom.
Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You are listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
CHARLOTTE: And I'm your judge, Charlotte.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this transporting debate idea from Poppy.
POPPY: My debate idea is vacation versus field trip.
CHARLOTTE: That debate idea is really going places.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Poppy at the end of this episode to see which side she thinks should win.
CHARLOTTE: And now, it's back to today's debate, Kraken versus Cyclops.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
ANNOUNCER: Micro Round.
MOLLY BLOOM: For the Micro Round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. And Matt and Anna's prompt was Special of the Day. For this challenge, we asked them to imagine that their side is at a restaurant and either enjoying or describing the special of the day.
Matt and Anna, there are a lot of specials you need to move. So let's hear you really sell them to the customers. Anna went first last time. So Matt, you're up. Let's see if you can whet our appetites with Kraken special of the day.
WAITRESS: Good evening. And welcome to Shay Harryhausen, the fine dining restaurant for truly classy mythological horrors. Would you like to start with an appetizer, Mr. Kraken?
MR. KRAKEN: Yes. I'd like to start off with 700 Atlantic salmon.
WAITRESS: As an appetizer?
MR. KRAKEN: As part of an appetizer.
WAITRESS: Good heavens. How would you like them prepared? Our chef does an excellent fillet.
MR. KRAKEN: Oh, no. Alive please.
WAITRESS: Very good. Our chef also does an excellent, nothing whatsoever. And perhaps I might interest you in the special of the day, a single-masted Viking longboat.
MR. KRAKEN: Ooh! Yes, please. Do you have the kind with the cool dragon carving in front?
WAITRESS: But of course, we do, sir.
MR. KRAKEN: Great! And 40 burly Viking oarsmen with the boat, please?
WAITRESS: On a scale of 1 to 5, how burly?
MR. KRAKEN: Oh, just a 3 tonight. And what wine goes with 700 salmon in a longboat full of oarsmen?
WAITRESS: I would recommend a chardonnay, sir.
MR. KRAKEN: Great! I'll have one of those and 10 crayons to color with one for each arm. Thank you so much.
WAITRESS: Very good, sir.
MR. KRAKEN: Yay! Dragging all my food screaming to the bottom of the ocean is so tiring. What a great place. I can't wait to recommend it to Godzilla. I'm going to draw 10 Viking dragons.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nice work, Matt.
MATT KESSEN: Thank you.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Anna, now it's your turn to sell us on the cyclops special.
WOMAN 1: I can't believe you got a reservation for Cyclops Cave. It's so exclusive.
WOMAN 2: Oh, I've had my name on the waiting list for months.
WOMAN 1: I've heard nothing but rave reviews. Polyphemus's family runs it, so you know it's the real deal. And their ingredients are hyper local. Everything's right from Polyphemus's this island.
WOMAN 2: I've heard it's so beautiful. Clear ocean water full of fish, grapevines as far as the eye can see, happy sheep grazing on the hills. Oh, here's our cyclops waiter.
CYCLOPS WAITER: Good evening, folks. Would you like to hear tonight's special?
WOMAN 1: Definitely.
WOMAN 2: Oh, yes.
CYCLOPS WAITER: Tonight, we have a buttery fillets of sardine wrapped in grape leaves from our Cyclops Island grapevines with olive oil and herbs, then roasted over a wood fire and topped with a lemony sheep's milk cream sauce. Our sheep are from Polyphemus's own flock, and our chef knows each of them personally. He only selects milk from the gals who are in a good mood that day. Looks like the milk for our dishes today came from, oh, Dorris. She's a delight.
WOMAN 1: I am drooling. I'll take the special.
WOMAN 2: Make it two.
MOLLY BLOOM: Delicious. All right. Charlotte, what did you like about Matt and Anna's Micro Rounds?
CHARLOTTE: Well, I do think the Kraken definitely eats a lot.
[LAUGHTER]
However, the cyclops definitely have the upper hand with the better food quality. And I do love a good family-owned restaurant.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very good points. All right. Charlotte, it is time to award a point for this Micro Round, but don't tell us who it's going to. Again, the criteria are up to you. It could be the restaurant you'd rather dine at, the one that snuck some facts in, maybe one made you laugh. Have you made your decision?
CHARLOTTE: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around, the super stealthy--
ANNOUNCER: Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: This is our improv round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. And today's Sneak Attack is Super Fan. Matt and Anna, for this challenge, we want you to be the number one super fan of your side's sports team. You paint your face, don your jersey.
You go to every game and you know all the cheers. Your challenge, make up a team chant, that's four lines long, about why your side is the best. What sport do they play? What are they known for? Why should their opponents be scared? Does that make sense?
MATT KESSEN: I suppose. Yes.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: It sure does.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. So we're looking for a four-line chant.
(CHANTING) Be aggressive, be, be aggressive.
Something along.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Kraken, no. Too aggressive.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Exactly. All right. Matt went first last time. So Anna, you are up. Let's hear you make some noise for cyclops.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: (CHANTING) We got one eye, we're the best. C-Y-C-L-O-P-S. Woooooo!
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: The "Woo" was the last two lines.
[LAUGHTER]
It's a really long "Woo."
MOLLY BLOOM: A really long "Woo." All the Os represent the eyes of the cyclops team. All right. Matt, it's your turn to rev up the crowd for the Kraken.
MATT KESSEN: (CHANTING) We're all here for the Kraken. Our foes are sorely lacking. We play sports of every kind, and our skill will blow your mind.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Ooh!
MATT KESSEN: That's all I got.
MOLLY BLOOM: Kraken. I like it. I can picture the high kicks, the flips, clapping.
CHARLOTTE: Maybe some juggling.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm-hmm.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I will say, Krakens with pompoms.
MATT KESSEN: Yeah, see?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: A beguiling image. I do--
MATT KESSEN: 10 of them, yeah.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Yeah, I do like that.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah. It'd be very impressive. All right. Charlotte, think about which side impressed you the most and award your fourth point, but don't tell us who you're giving it to. Have you made your decision?
CHARLOTTE: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. It's time for our final around--
ANNOUNCER: The Final 6.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Matt, you've got six words to tell us why Kraken is the Smash Boom Best.
MATT KESSEN: Power, majesty, squid, release the Kraken.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
Nicely done.
MATT KESSEN: Thank you.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Anna, it's your turn. Let's hear six words that'll make us give two thumbs up to the one-eyed cyclops.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Even one eyeball sees. Kraken's whack.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
All right. Charlotte, it's time to award a point for the Final 6. Have you made that decision?
CHARLOTTE: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, so tally up those points.
CHARLOTTE: Tallied.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
CHARLOTTE: I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Drumroll, please.
[DRUMROLL]
And the winner is--
CHARLOTTE: Cyclops!
MATT KESSEN: Oh!
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, yeah!
MATT KESSEN: It was rigged.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Well played, Matt. Well played. Worthy opponent.
MATT KESSEN: Thank you.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Truly, truly.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Charlotte, was there a moment that really decided things for you?
CHARLOTTE: I think the overall energy that cyclops is bringing. I do think the Kraken is definitely doing well with their rhyming, with their intellectual abilities. But cyclops, they're bringing the energy. They're bringing good vibes. It's nice.
MOLLY BLOOM: Good vibes only for the cyclops.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Matt, may I say your dulcet tones, a pleasure to listen to.
MATT KESSEN: Oh, thank you.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And I really, really liked the Micro Round, the idea of a Kraken rocking up to some marine drive-through, swim through. It really painted a picture that delighted me. So thank you for that.
MATT KESSEN: Well, thank you very much. I liked very much that you let Polyphemus tell his own story. I thought that was a very great move.
And actually, as you were going into the thing about them being hard working, salt of the Earth sorts of entities, I was thinking, so you're going for a Bruce Springsteen vibe. And then you went all the way for the Bruce Springsteen vibe. So that was-- so yes, very, very nice work.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Charlotte crowned cyclops the Smash Boom Best, but what about you?
CHARLOTTE: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rose Dupont, Ruby Guthrie, and Aaron Valdez [INAUDIBLE].
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Alex Allanson and Alex Simpson, with sound design by Rachel Breeze.
MATT KESSEN: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And we had production help from Marc Sanchez, Anna Weggel, and Nico Gonzalez Wisler.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman, and the APM Studios executives in charge of Chandra Kavati, Alex Shaffer, and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. We want to give a special thanks to Brant Miller, Grace [INAUDIBLE], Dylan Miettenin, Euan Kerr, Andy Doucette, Austin Cross, and Taylor Coffman. Anna, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I would like to give a shout out to Matt for being a really fun debate pal.
MATT KESSEN: Well, thank you.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Once we're done arguing about monsters, let's be friends.
MATT KESSEN: OK.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And also, I would like to give a shout out to my wonderful partner who had to hear so many versions of the cyclops song.
[LAUGHTER]
So many.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Matt? Any special shout outs today?
MATT KESSEN: Well, I will give a shout out to Anna in return, an absolutely wonderful debater and a well-deserved win. And I'm going to go ahead and give a shout out to Duck Washington who is on another episode of this and who got me hooked up with this show in the first place. And it's been a delight.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. And Charlotte, how about you? Any special thanks or shout outs?
CHARLOTTE: I'd like to give a special thanks to the team at Smash Boom Best for letting me come on and have this amazing time here.
MOLLY BLOOM: Thank you for being here. You did an awesome job. Before we go, let's check in with Poppy and see who she thinks should win her field trips versus vacations debate.
POPPY: I think vacation will win because you can be there longer than field trips.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have an idea for a knockdown, drag-out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week. Ta-ta!
MATT KESSEN: Good evening.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Goodbye.
[THEME MUSIC]
Huh? What? Acting. Acting.
CHARLOTTE: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi. I'm Molly Bloom, and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is a mythological match-up between two mighty yet misunderstood creatures. Check the horizon and batten down the hatches because it's Kraken versus Cyclops. We've got writer, actor, and creator of Reverend Matt's Monster Science, Matt Kessen, here to defend the Kraken.
MATT KESSEN: Yes, the king of all the sea monsters. Let's get Kraken. I'm sorry, that was a terrible joke. I beg your pardon.
MOLLY BLOOM: And Brains On producer and archaeologist, Anna Goldfield, is here to fan the fires of fandom for the Cyclops.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: That's right. Team Cyclops is keeping one big, beautiful eye on the prize.
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Charlotte from Framingham, Massachusetts. Charlotte plays the drums, paints landscapes, and is named after a famous spider. Welcome, Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE: Hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Charlotte, which spider are you named after?
CHARLOTTE: I am named after Charlotte from the book, Charlotte's Web by E.B. White.
MOLLY BLOOM: And you're a drummer as well. So what's your favorite beat to play?
CHARLOTTE: Anything really fast, anything in 16th notes, eighth notes, anything around there.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you like to play hip hop, rock and roll?
CHARLOTTE: A lot of things. '80s, '70s, '60s rock.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Will Charlotte want to go deep sea diving with the Kraken or do some island chilling with the Cyclops? Only she can tell. Charlotte, are you ready to judge this thing?
CHARLOTTE: Yes, definitely.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, before we get into this debate, it's time to review the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds of debate-- the Declaration of Greatness, the Micro Around, the Sneak Attack, and the Final 6. Our judge, Charlotte, will award points to the team that impresses her the most after each round.
But she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website, smashboom.org, and vote for whichever team you think won. OK. Anna, Matt, and Charlotte, are you ready? I
MATT KESSEN: Was born ready.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Yes.
CHARLOTTE: Definitely.
MOLLY BLOOM: Great. Then it's time for the--
ANNOUNCER: Declaration of Greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their sides. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin. And Anna, you're up first. Tell us why Cyclops is everyone's favorite hardworking hero.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: If you think a jumbo squid with an appetite for destruction is awesomer than a cyclops, think again. You might know about the cyclops from pop culture-- those one-eyed beefcakes in the Percy Jackson books or a bad guy from Disney's Hercules. But the legend is way older and way cooler than that.
The most famous cyclops was a guy named Polyphemus from The Odyssey. That's an epic Greek poem written more than 2,500 years ago. It's the story of a king named Odysseus who has a run in with a cyclops.
But the story is from Odysseus's point of view. He paints the cyclops as a filthy brute and an absolute stinker, a bully whose only pastime is violence. Rude and unfair. Here to tell you his part, I am thrilled to introduce Polyphemus the Cyclops. Get in here, my guy.
[DOOR OPENS]
[MASSIVE FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR SHUTS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
POLYPHEMUS: Krakens? Now that's a monster. Even I get the heebie-jeebies when I think about those suckers. Get it? Suckers, because of the suction cups on their tentacles.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: You're doing great, bud.
POLYPHEMUS: So I was just minding my own business on my island, watching over my beautiful sheep and my grapevines when a ship full of sailors pulls up uninvited. These losers snatched and barbecued one of my favorite sheep.
[SHEEP BAA]
And when I came to tell them to get lost, they freaked out because I look a little different.
[SCREAM]
You know, the whole giant with one eye thing. One thing led to another and Odysseus sticks a spear in my eye.
[GRUNT]
[SLASH]
[GROANS]
And I'm the monster?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Exactly. Cyclops aren't monsters, but they are hard workers. They've been master builders and metal smiths to the ancient Greek gods since, well--
POLYPHEMUS: Since the beginning of time. We were created to make magical items for the Greek gods up on Mount Olympus.
[THUNDER]
Zeus's thunderbolts? We make those.
[METAL CLANG]
A helmet of invisibility for Hades, god of the underworld? We made that.
[METAL CLANG]
A magical trident spear for Poseidon, god of the sea? You bet, we made that. What does the Kraken make? A mess. Broken ships and traumatized sailors everywhere.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: People love a mythical character with a steady job.
POLYPHEMUS: Yeah. What's the Kraken's job? Hooligan of the sea?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Exactly. The cyclops have also left their mark on language and storytelling. Ancient Greek walls still around today are called "cyclopean" because they're made with huge blocks of stone, the kind that seems like only a cyclops could move.
POLYPHEMUS: Yeah, we prefer to make and not break. Unlike squid-faced McShip crusher over here.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And have you ever seen smoke rising from the top of a volcano? Greek myths say that cyclops do their metal working deep underground, where hot magma fuels their forges. When you see that smoke, you know they're making some amazing creations.
POLYPHEMUS: We've always been great with fire. Last year, my family opened a restaurant called Cyclops Cave, where we broil everything over wood fires lit with hot magma. Whether you're making swords or sausages, it's all about controlling that flame.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Wow! What a family of artists. And speaking of artists. To finish off with a real treat, we have in the studio music legend and cyclops rock star, Bruce Strongstone!
POLYPHEMUS: No way! I'm a huge fan. And not just because I'm actually huge.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: That's right. The one-eyed wonder himself, the big boss rock star, here to perform his new hit single. Take it away, Bruce.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BRUCE STRONGSTONE: (SINGING) I'm just a hardworking average guy with two good hands and one good-- I am looking for, I'm looking for my shot. I've been spending all day in the forges and building up a gorgeous reputation 'cause a monster, I am not. I got my sheep, I got my wine, I got my eye on a good time.
I'm a cyclops. Baby, that's just fine. I got my sheep, got my wife, got my iron, I've got time. I'm a cyclops. Baby, that's just fine. Baby, that's just fine.
AUDIENCE: Bruce, Bruce, Bruce!
[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
POLYPHEMUS: Yay! Hard core!
ANNA GOLDFIELD: So, there you have it. Cyclops are hardworking, helpful, and have left a giant mark on the world. And dare I say our hearts--
POLYPHEMUS: Krakens? They're all washed up.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow. A Declaration of Greatness full of giant stars. Charlotte, what stood out to you about Anna's argument?
CHARLOTTE: Well, I thought the magma fire used to cook foods was very innovative. And I loved hearing Polyphemus's version of the story of The Odyssey. It was very eye-opening to see what he really went through.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, too soon.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Matt, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to prove why cyclops are cy-clunkers. And your time starts now.
MATT KESSEN: Well, it's interesting to me that they leaned so far into the cyclops being hard working Joes and indeed not even monsters. Fine. OK, I'll grant you that. I propose to you that monsters are cooler than not monsters. Also, they left out the end of Polyphemus's story, which is that Odysseus sails away and the cyclops just throws rocks at him and asks his daddy for help. It is pathetic, I'm afraid.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Look, people can change. Polyphemus has had a really, really, really, really, really, really, really long time to work on himself. And I think he's come a really long way. And I'm very proud of him.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Matt, it is your turn. Tell us why we should release the Krakens into our hearts.
CAPTAIN: Sailors, I have good news and bad news. The good news is there are literally thousands of fish on the surface of the ocean surrounding the boat on all sides.
SAILOR 1: Why is that good news?
SAILOR 2: Because this is a fishing boat.
SAILOR 1: All right, I keep forgetting.
CAPTAIN: The bad news is that the fish are here because they have been pushed to the surface by a colossal Kraken rising from the bottom of the sea.
SAILOR 2: Oh, no! It'll destroy the ship.
SAILOR 1: Look. You can see its enormous arms all around the boat.
CAPTAIN: Abandon ship!
[WAVES SPLASHING]
[SCREAMING]
SAILOR 1: Look. The arms. They're closing in around the ship.
SAILOR 2: It almost looks like it's cradling the ship strangely gently.
CAPTAIN: Quiet, you two. The Kraken is speaking.
MR. KRAKEN: Oh, the woodwork on this ship is exquisite and so well-polished. The crew has done a wonderful job taking care of it I should go congratulate them.
[SCREAMING]
[WAVES SPLASHING]
MATT KESSEN: This is the story of the Kraken, a gigantic and awesome sea creature who's so terribly misunderstood, it seems.
MAN 1: Excuse me? The Kraken is a beast, a mile and a half wide, with starfish arms or horns coming out of its back.
MATT KESSEN: Well, it's a medieval Scandinavian sailor.
MAN 1: The Kraken sinks our ships either with its horns or by creating a giant whirlpool!
MATT KESSEN: It's true. In ancient myths and stories, sea monsters would sink ships. But these beasts were being used as symbols to represent the power of the sea. Civilization has relied on the sea for millennia.
It provides us with food and an incredibly important means of travel. But it can also be dangerous. Its depths are a vast and terrifying unknown. Its storms can test even the most experienced crew.
And countless sailors were lost at sea throughout history. So humans told stories about monsters like the Kraken to help us understand the mystery and wrath of the ocean. And that incredible power makes it one of the coolest monsters of any monster ever.
MAN 2: I'm begging your pardon, but the Kraken is actually a sort of giant octopus or squid.
MATT KESSEN: Black top hat, long overcoat? You must be from the 1800s.
MAN 2: I am, sir. And it was in my time that science discovered that giant squid up to fully 60 feet long were entirely real, and surely the basis for the Kraken legend.
MATT KESSEN: Also true. In the middle of the 1800s, people found the dead bodies of giant squids and realized this was a whole new species. Since then, we've learned more about these amazing creatures. They live deep in the ocean.
They can grow as long as a telephone pole. And unlike the monster in stories, they're quite shy. Krakens inspire us to learn more about nature, as well.
MOVIE EXPERT: Actually, I'm a present-day movie expert. And in the film The Clash of the Titans, the Kraken is actually a huge monster with many clawed arms as any real movie fan would know.
ZEUS: Release the Kraken.
MATT KESSEN: Oh, yes, the phrase, "Release the Kraken," has been used in everything from memes to rap songs. If you need a powerful image for your movie or lyrics or whatever, you need the Kraken, hands down.
MAN 1: No, you don't understand the Kraken.
MOVIE EXPERT: It's like none of of you guys have seen any movies.
MAN 1: None of these versions are a mile and a half long!
MAN 2: Surely, the Kraken is one.
MATT KESSEN: Friends, friends, you're all correct.
ALL: What?
MATT KESSEN: The Kraken is all of these things and more. It's a legend so big so mysterious it's limited only by imagination. Wherever it appears, it carries the same message-- the ocean belongs to the Kraken. And we, humans, only use it because it lets us. That is its power.
[WAVES SPLASHING]
MOVIE EXPERT: Whoa!
MAN 2: Watch out.
MAN 1: It's the Kraken!
MR. KRAKEN: Oh, you guys are so nice. Check out this great boat I found.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
A Declaration of Greatness that really sucks you in. Charlotte, what stood out to you about Matt's argument?
CHARLOTTE: Well, I loved hearing that the sea monsters, especially the Kraken, were the personification of the power of the sea, as well as going back in time and seeing the point of view of these mythological animals from different people. I thought that was really innovative and interesting.
MOLLY BLOOM: Indeed. All right. Anna, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to show why Kraken is just a big old hacken. And your time starts now.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Listen, you've got to be squiding me. I want to ask you, who would you rather get a hug from? I mean, a big, strong cyclops or-- you get more arms per hug with a Kraken, but you have to like your hugs cold, wet, and squid-flavored. So, sure. And finally, who would you want as a friend? A guy who can whip you up a thunderbolt or Squidward's homicidal cousin?
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
MATT KESSEN: I personally would love a cold suckery hug from a whole bunch of giant arms. So, I mean, to each your own, I guess.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, the heart wants what the heart wants. And I--
MATT KESSEN: Exactly.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I don't speak for you, Matt.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Charlotte, it is time to award some points. Give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you liked best and one point to the most awesome rebuttal. You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one team's jokes win you over, or were you swayed by their killer logic? Both points could go to the same debater, each debater could get a point. It's up to you. Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Have you made your decision?
CHARLOTTE: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Matt and Anna, how are you two feeling so far?
MATT KESSEN: Confident but not overconfident.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Similarly, I feel powerful yet slightly vulnerable.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Take a moment to stretch out your tentacles or grab your monocle.
CHARLOTTE: And we'll be right back with some more Smash Boom Best.
ANNOUNCER: You're watching a State of Debate, home to rage in rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What's up, debaters? Taylor Lincoln here with State of Debate's buddy of the century, Todd Douglas!
TODD DOUGLAS: Here I am. And we caught a big time logical fallacy, which is a debate mistake that makes an argument super easy to defeat.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: It was a stinker of a slippery slope. That's when you say a small action will result in a big earth-shattering outcome. It's an exaggeration to the max.
TODD DOUGLAS: Let's grab a seat in the cafeteria and listen in on this conversation between Jamie and Amanda.
JAMIE: Want a piece of gum?
AMANDA: Oh. Yes, please. Thank you.
[CHEWING]
[BLOWING BUBBLE]
[POP]
JAMIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
AMANDA: What?
JAMIE: Why would you blow a bubble?
AMANDA: Why wouldn't I?
JAMIE: Because first you blow a bubble, then what's next? You blow a raspberry, then you blow a horn, then you blow over in the wind, then you fall off a mountain and break your arm? Amanda, I can't be your caretaker for six months while your arm heals. I just can't. I have too much going on right now.
AMANDA: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down. It's just one piece of gum.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Man, that escalated quickly.
TODD DOUGLAS: It certainly did. Blowing a bubble is a small thing. And Jamie somehow drew a conclusion that it would end in a broken arm.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Her logic blew away with the wind in that one.
TODD DOUGLAS: OK, let's split a pack of bubble gum as we prepare for a more dynamite debating.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Catch you next time on--
BOTH: State of Debate.
(SINGING)
Best.
Boom.
Smash. Smash.
Boom.
Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You are listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
CHARLOTTE: And I'm your judge, Charlotte.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this transporting debate idea from Poppy.
POPPY: My debate idea is vacation versus field trip.
CHARLOTTE: That debate idea is really going places.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Poppy at the end of this episode to see which side she thinks should win.
CHARLOTTE: And now, it's back to today's debate, Kraken versus Cyclops.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
ANNOUNCER: Micro Round.
MOLLY BLOOM: For the Micro Round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. And Matt and Anna's prompt was Special of the Day. For this challenge, we asked them to imagine that their side is at a restaurant and either enjoying or describing the special of the day.
Matt and Anna, there are a lot of specials you need to move. So let's hear you really sell them to the customers. Anna went first last time. So Matt, you're up. Let's see if you can whet our appetites with Kraken special of the day.
WAITRESS: Good evening. And welcome to Shay Harryhausen, the fine dining restaurant for truly classy mythological horrors. Would you like to start with an appetizer, Mr. Kraken?
MR. KRAKEN: Yes. I'd like to start off with 700 Atlantic salmon.
WAITRESS: As an appetizer?
MR. KRAKEN: As part of an appetizer.
WAITRESS: Good heavens. How would you like them prepared? Our chef does an excellent fillet.
MR. KRAKEN: Oh, no. Alive please.
WAITRESS: Very good. Our chef also does an excellent, nothing whatsoever. And perhaps I might interest you in the special of the day, a single-masted Viking longboat.
MR. KRAKEN: Ooh! Yes, please. Do you have the kind with the cool dragon carving in front?
WAITRESS: But of course, we do, sir.
MR. KRAKEN: Great! And 40 burly Viking oarsmen with the boat, please?
WAITRESS: On a scale of 1 to 5, how burly?
MR. KRAKEN: Oh, just a 3 tonight. And what wine goes with 700 salmon in a longboat full of oarsmen?
WAITRESS: I would recommend a chardonnay, sir.
MR. KRAKEN: Great! I'll have one of those and 10 crayons to color with one for each arm. Thank you so much.
WAITRESS: Very good, sir.
MR. KRAKEN: Yay! Dragging all my food screaming to the bottom of the ocean is so tiring. What a great place. I can't wait to recommend it to Godzilla. I'm going to draw 10 Viking dragons.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nice work, Matt.
MATT KESSEN: Thank you.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Anna, now it's your turn to sell us on the cyclops special.
WOMAN 1: I can't believe you got a reservation for Cyclops Cave. It's so exclusive.
WOMAN 2: Oh, I've had my name on the waiting list for months.
WOMAN 1: I've heard nothing but rave reviews. Polyphemus's family runs it, so you know it's the real deal. And their ingredients are hyper local. Everything's right from Polyphemus's this island.
WOMAN 2: I've heard it's so beautiful. Clear ocean water full of fish, grapevines as far as the eye can see, happy sheep grazing on the hills. Oh, here's our cyclops waiter.
CYCLOPS WAITER: Good evening, folks. Would you like to hear tonight's special?
WOMAN 1: Definitely.
WOMAN 2: Oh, yes.
CYCLOPS WAITER: Tonight, we have a buttery fillets of sardine wrapped in grape leaves from our Cyclops Island grapevines with olive oil and herbs, then roasted over a wood fire and topped with a lemony sheep's milk cream sauce. Our sheep are from Polyphemus's own flock, and our chef knows each of them personally. He only selects milk from the gals who are in a good mood that day. Looks like the milk for our dishes today came from, oh, Dorris. She's a delight.
WOMAN 1: I am drooling. I'll take the special.
WOMAN 2: Make it two.
MOLLY BLOOM: Delicious. All right. Charlotte, what did you like about Matt and Anna's Micro Rounds?
CHARLOTTE: Well, I do think the Kraken definitely eats a lot.
[LAUGHTER]
However, the cyclops definitely have the upper hand with the better food quality. And I do love a good family-owned restaurant.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very good points. All right. Charlotte, it is time to award a point for this Micro Round, but don't tell us who it's going to. Again, the criteria are up to you. It could be the restaurant you'd rather dine at, the one that snuck some facts in, maybe one made you laugh. Have you made your decision?
CHARLOTTE: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around, the super stealthy--
ANNOUNCER: Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: This is our improv round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. And today's Sneak Attack is Super Fan. Matt and Anna, for this challenge, we want you to be the number one super fan of your side's sports team. You paint your face, don your jersey.
You go to every game and you know all the cheers. Your challenge, make up a team chant, that's four lines long, about why your side is the best. What sport do they play? What are they known for? Why should their opponents be scared? Does that make sense?
MATT KESSEN: I suppose. Yes.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: It sure does.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. So we're looking for a four-line chant.
(CHANTING) Be aggressive, be, be aggressive.
Something along.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Kraken, no. Too aggressive.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Exactly. All right. Matt went first last time. So Anna, you are up. Let's hear you make some noise for cyclops.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: (CHANTING) We got one eye, we're the best. C-Y-C-L-O-P-S. Woooooo!
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: The "Woo" was the last two lines.
[LAUGHTER]
It's a really long "Woo."
MOLLY BLOOM: A really long "Woo." All the Os represent the eyes of the cyclops team. All right. Matt, it's your turn to rev up the crowd for the Kraken.
MATT KESSEN: (CHANTING) We're all here for the Kraken. Our foes are sorely lacking. We play sports of every kind, and our skill will blow your mind.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Ooh!
MATT KESSEN: That's all I got.
MOLLY BLOOM: Kraken. I like it. I can picture the high kicks, the flips, clapping.
CHARLOTTE: Maybe some juggling.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm-hmm.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I will say, Krakens with pompoms.
MATT KESSEN: Yeah, see?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: A beguiling image. I do--
MATT KESSEN: 10 of them, yeah.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Yeah, I do like that.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah. It'd be very impressive. All right. Charlotte, think about which side impressed you the most and award your fourth point, but don't tell us who you're giving it to. Have you made your decision?
CHARLOTTE: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. It's time for our final around--
ANNOUNCER: The Final 6.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Matt, you've got six words to tell us why Kraken is the Smash Boom Best.
MATT KESSEN: Power, majesty, squid, release the Kraken.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
Nicely done.
MATT KESSEN: Thank you.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Anna, it's your turn. Let's hear six words that'll make us give two thumbs up to the one-eyed cyclops.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Even one eyeball sees. Kraken's whack.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHING]
All right. Charlotte, it's time to award a point for the Final 6. Have you made that decision?
CHARLOTTE: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, so tally up those points.
CHARLOTTE: Tallied.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
CHARLOTTE: I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Drumroll, please.
[DRUMROLL]
And the winner is--
CHARLOTTE: Cyclops!
MATT KESSEN: Oh!
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, yeah!
MATT KESSEN: It was rigged.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Well played, Matt. Well played. Worthy opponent.
MATT KESSEN: Thank you.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Truly, truly.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Charlotte, was there a moment that really decided things for you?
CHARLOTTE: I think the overall energy that cyclops is bringing. I do think the Kraken is definitely doing well with their rhyming, with their intellectual abilities. But cyclops, they're bringing the energy. They're bringing good vibes. It's nice.
MOLLY BLOOM: Good vibes only for the cyclops.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Matt, may I say your dulcet tones, a pleasure to listen to.
MATT KESSEN: Oh, thank you.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And I really, really liked the Micro Round, the idea of a Kraken rocking up to some marine drive-through, swim through. It really painted a picture that delighted me. So thank you for that.
MATT KESSEN: Well, thank you very much. I liked very much that you let Polyphemus tell his own story. I thought that was a very great move.
And actually, as you were going into the thing about them being hard working, salt of the Earth sorts of entities, I was thinking, so you're going for a Bruce Springsteen vibe. And then you went all the way for the Bruce Springsteen vibe. So that was-- so yes, very, very nice work.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Charlotte crowned cyclops the Smash Boom Best, but what about you?
CHARLOTTE: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rose Dupont, Ruby Guthrie, and Aaron Valdez [INAUDIBLE].
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Alex Allanson and Alex Simpson, with sound design by Rachel Breeze.
MATT KESSEN: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And we had production help from Marc Sanchez, Anna Weggel, and Nico Gonzalez Wisler.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman, and the APM Studios executives in charge of Chandra Kavati, Alex Shaffer, and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. We want to give a special thanks to Brant Miller, Grace [INAUDIBLE], Dylan Miettenin, Euan Kerr, Andy Doucette, Austin Cross, and Taylor Coffman. Anna, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I would like to give a shout out to Matt for being a really fun debate pal.
MATT KESSEN: Well, thank you.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Once we're done arguing about monsters, let's be friends.
MATT KESSEN: OK.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And also, I would like to give a shout out to my wonderful partner who had to hear so many versions of the cyclops song.
[LAUGHTER]
So many.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Matt? Any special shout outs today?
MATT KESSEN: Well, I will give a shout out to Anna in return, an absolutely wonderful debater and a well-deserved win. And I'm going to go ahead and give a shout out to Duck Washington who is on another episode of this and who got me hooked up with this show in the first place. And it's been a delight.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. And Charlotte, how about you? Any special thanks or shout outs?
CHARLOTTE: I'd like to give a special thanks to the team at Smash Boom Best for letting me come on and have this amazing time here.
MOLLY BLOOM: Thank you for being here. You did an awesome job. Before we go, let's check in with Poppy and see who she thinks should win her field trips versus vacations debate.
POPPY: I think vacation will win because you can be there longer than field trips.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have an idea for a knockdown, drag-out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week. Ta-ta!
MATT KESSEN: Good evening.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Goodbye.
[THEME MUSIC]
Huh? What? Acting. Acting.
Transcription services provided by 3Play Media.
