Which is the cooler condiment — mustard or mayo? It’s a debate for the ages! Listen to Moment of Um producer Anna Weggel and Forever Ago host Joy Dolo sort through heated feelings on the topic with the help of a saucy sneak attack from Smash Boom Best host Molly Bloom. Grab your Smarty Pass and see if both sides can learn to respect the other’s opinion and get along!
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VOICEOVER: Now entering Brains On Headquarters.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hey, smarty pal. Welcome to Brains On headquarters, where it sounds like someone's getting into a heated argument? Let's check it out.
JOY: You are not going to put mayo on your sandwich.
ANNA: Bet your pickles, I am.
JOY: Mayo is so goopy, and yucky, and sludgy. Only mustard on my bread.
ANNA: Hail for Mayo. It's the superior spread.
JOY: No way. You're wrong. Mustard reigns supreme.
ANNA: Well, I'm singing in the rain, baby. Cause mayo is a dream.
JOY: You abused my analogy, you turkey sandwich.
ANNA: What did you call me?
JOY: I called you a turkey sandwich because you're dry, and people only like you the day after Thanksgiving. Boom.
ANNA: No one calls Anna Eustace Weggel a turkey sandwich. This is felonious mustard talk. I can smell that foul stench on your breath.
JOY: Of course, you can. I just had lunch, you turkey sandwich.
MOLLY BLOOM: Joy, Anna, calm down. No need for sandwich-based insults or ad hominem attacks.
JOY: Oh, Molly Bloom, finally a level-headed person here. Sorry, sandwich talk always gets me riled up. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Anna. I just-- I just want you to know that you're wrong.
ANNA: Hey.
JOY: She thinks Mayo is better than mustard.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, just because she thinks differently than you, doesn't mean you have to insult her.
ANNA: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's what we call an ad hominem attack. It's where you attack your opponent rather than arguing for your point. Instead of proving why mustard is great, you've gone out of your way to insult Anna.
JOY: Well, sorry, Anna. Not cool of me. Maybe we could think of a more civil way to settle this?
MOLLY BLOOM: I know how. Let's do--
VOICEOVER: Sneak attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: Let's do genre replay, the musical. For this challenge, you two will go back and forth, singing short ditties about mustard and mayo in different musical styles. You'll each get to sing one sentence about the glories of your side and a one sentence rebuttal in response to your opponent. Each time it's your turn, I'll assign you a different style to sing in. For example, before Joy improvises her first line in praise of mustard, I might say, country. And then Joy would have to sing about mustard with a twang.
JOY: Like this? Like this?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, a little break there. That was wonderful.
JOY: I mean, I don't want to intimidate you at all, Anna, but--
ANNA: It's working.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, are you condiment queens ready?
JOY: Oh, yeah.
ANNA: Yeah, let's do it.
MOLLY BLOOM:
JOY: Let's go.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Joy, since you threw the first insult, you have to go first. Let's hear your one sentence tribute to mustard in the style of jazz.
JOY: Great. [VOCALIZING] Mustard, it's yellow. Mustard, it's not only yellow. It's come from seeds, and seeds are essentially the environment. If you want naturale, you gotta go with the mustard. This is one line because here is the period.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow.
ANNA: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, that was so jazzy. OK, now, Anna, let's hear your musical rebuttal against mustard with the best punk rock energy you've got.
ANNA: [VOCALIZING] Why would I eat something that stings my mouth?
MOLLY BLOOM: Delightful. All right, it's time for Anna's tribute to Mayo, opera-style.
ANNA: It's gloppy, and milky, and white.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, what an aria. So good. So gloppy.
ANNA: Are you crying-- I think you're crying.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, it brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful. All right, Joy, I want to hear your folkiest rebuttal.
JOY: The first glop is the grossest. Baby, I know.
ANNA: Wow. Now, I'm crying.
JOY: I wrote that myself.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's basically an argument focused on texture.
ANNA: Yeah.
JOY: Very, very texturally-based.
ANNA: Sound effect cloth.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mouth feels.
JOY: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, this is a beautiful musical tribute on both sides. How are you two feeling now that you've gotten that out of your system?
ANNA: Talented.
JOY: And hungry. I've got a little stomach bubble going. But you are, really, I mean, a great singer. Holy moly. I'm sorry for calling you a turkey sandwich.
ANNA: That's OK. I love your voice as well.
JOY: Oh, stop it.
ANNA: I can't.
JOY: You could say one more nice thing.
ANNA: It's good.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, now, that you two are friends, you want to get some lunch?
JOY: Oh, sure.
ANNA: I could eat.
MOLLY BLOOM: Great. But for everyone's sake, let's not get sandwiches, OK? How about ramen?
JOY: Oh, yeah.
ANNA: Yeah.
JOY: Love a bowl.
That's it for this Smarty Pass episode. It was produced by Aaron Woldeslassie, Molly Bloom, Joy Dolo, Rosie Dupont, Shahla Farzan, Nico Gonzales Wisler, Ruby Guthrie, Sanden Totten, Marc Sanchez, and Anna Weggel.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Josh Savageau with sound design by Rachel Breese. Our executive producer is Beth Perlman, and the executives in charge of APM Studios are Chandra Kavati, Joanne Griffith, and Alex Schaffert. Brains On is a non-profit public radio program. Thanks Smarty Pass friends.
JOY: Thank you.
ANNA: Bye.
JOY: Bye.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hey, smarty pal. Welcome to Brains On headquarters, where it sounds like someone's getting into a heated argument? Let's check it out.
JOY: You are not going to put mayo on your sandwich.
ANNA: Bet your pickles, I am.
JOY: Mayo is so goopy, and yucky, and sludgy. Only mustard on my bread.
ANNA: Hail for Mayo. It's the superior spread.
JOY: No way. You're wrong. Mustard reigns supreme.
ANNA: Well, I'm singing in the rain, baby. Cause mayo is a dream.
JOY: You abused my analogy, you turkey sandwich.
ANNA: What did you call me?
JOY: I called you a turkey sandwich because you're dry, and people only like you the day after Thanksgiving. Boom.
ANNA: No one calls Anna Eustace Weggel a turkey sandwich. This is felonious mustard talk. I can smell that foul stench on your breath.
JOY: Of course, you can. I just had lunch, you turkey sandwich.
MOLLY BLOOM: Joy, Anna, calm down. No need for sandwich-based insults or ad hominem attacks.
JOY: Oh, Molly Bloom, finally a level-headed person here. Sorry, sandwich talk always gets me riled up. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Anna. I just-- I just want you to know that you're wrong.
ANNA: Hey.
JOY: She thinks Mayo is better than mustard.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, just because she thinks differently than you, doesn't mean you have to insult her.
ANNA: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's what we call an ad hominem attack. It's where you attack your opponent rather than arguing for your point. Instead of proving why mustard is great, you've gone out of your way to insult Anna.
JOY: Well, sorry, Anna. Not cool of me. Maybe we could think of a more civil way to settle this?
MOLLY BLOOM: I know how. Let's do--
VOICEOVER: Sneak attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: Let's do genre replay, the musical. For this challenge, you two will go back and forth, singing short ditties about mustard and mayo in different musical styles. You'll each get to sing one sentence about the glories of your side and a one sentence rebuttal in response to your opponent. Each time it's your turn, I'll assign you a different style to sing in. For example, before Joy improvises her first line in praise of mustard, I might say, country. And then Joy would have to sing about mustard with a twang.
JOY: Like this? Like this?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, a little break there. That was wonderful.
JOY: I mean, I don't want to intimidate you at all, Anna, but--
ANNA: It's working.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, are you condiment queens ready?
JOY: Oh, yeah.
ANNA: Yeah, let's do it.
MOLLY BLOOM:
JOY: Let's go.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Joy, since you threw the first insult, you have to go first. Let's hear your one sentence tribute to mustard in the style of jazz.
JOY: Great. [VOCALIZING] Mustard, it's yellow. Mustard, it's not only yellow. It's come from seeds, and seeds are essentially the environment. If you want naturale, you gotta go with the mustard. This is one line because here is the period.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow.
ANNA: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, that was so jazzy. OK, now, Anna, let's hear your musical rebuttal against mustard with the best punk rock energy you've got.
ANNA: [VOCALIZING] Why would I eat something that stings my mouth?
MOLLY BLOOM: Delightful. All right, it's time for Anna's tribute to Mayo, opera-style.
ANNA: It's gloppy, and milky, and white.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, what an aria. So good. So gloppy.
ANNA: Are you crying-- I think you're crying.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, it brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful. All right, Joy, I want to hear your folkiest rebuttal.
JOY: The first glop is the grossest. Baby, I know.
ANNA: Wow. Now, I'm crying.
JOY: I wrote that myself.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's basically an argument focused on texture.
ANNA: Yeah.
JOY: Very, very texturally-based.
ANNA: Sound effect cloth.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mouth feels.
JOY: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, this is a beautiful musical tribute on both sides. How are you two feeling now that you've gotten that out of your system?
ANNA: Talented.
JOY: And hungry. I've got a little stomach bubble going. But you are, really, I mean, a great singer. Holy moly. I'm sorry for calling you a turkey sandwich.
ANNA: That's OK. I love your voice as well.
JOY: Oh, stop it.
ANNA: I can't.
JOY: You could say one more nice thing.
ANNA: It's good.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, now, that you two are friends, you want to get some lunch?
JOY: Oh, sure.
ANNA: I could eat.
MOLLY BLOOM: Great. But for everyone's sake, let's not get sandwiches, OK? How about ramen?
JOY: Oh, yeah.
ANNA: Yeah.
JOY: Love a bowl.
That's it for this Smarty Pass episode. It was produced by Aaron Woldeslassie, Molly Bloom, Joy Dolo, Rosie Dupont, Shahla Farzan, Nico Gonzales Wisler, Ruby Guthrie, Sanden Totten, Marc Sanchez, and Anna Weggel.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Josh Savageau with sound design by Rachel Breese. Our executive producer is Beth Perlman, and the executives in charge of APM Studios are Chandra Kavati, Joanne Griffith, and Alex Schaffert. Brains On is a non-profit public radio program. Thanks Smarty Pass friends.
JOY: Thank you.
ANNA: Bye.
JOY: Bye.
Transcription services provided by 3Play Media.
