Today’s debate is a mythic mashup. Fluff your pillows and brush your teeth, cuz it’s Tooth Fairy vs. Sandman! In a never-before-seen matchup between husband and wife – comedian and animator Brant Miller defends the Sandman from Tooth Fairy lover and Moment of Um producer Anna Weggel! Who will win? The queen of teeth or the sultan of sand?
Vote below for the team YOU think won!
Also… do you have your Smarty Pass yet?? Get yours today for just $4/month (or $36/year) and get bonus episodes every month, and ad-free versions of every episode of Brains On, Smash Boom Best, Moment of Um, and Forever Ago. Visit www.smartypass.org to get your Smarty Pass today!
As an added bonus, your Smarty Pass will grant you access to a super special debate starring Sanden and Molly!
Audio Transcript
Download transcript (PDF)
CREW: From the brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best.
CREW: The show for people with big opinions.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, I'm Molly Bloom. And this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is a mythic mash up, we've got a fairy who loves your teeth and the sultan of sand. One helps you sleep and the other works while you're dreaming of a magical land. So fluff your pillows and brush your teeth, because it's Tooth Fairy versus Sandman. And as a special never-before-seen match-up on Smash Boom Best, we are proud to announce our first-ever husband versus wife match-up.
BRANT MILLER: I love you, but I do want to win.
ANNA WEGGEL: It's going to get weird.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: The drama, the intrigue, the possible familial resentments, could anything be better? Let's dive in. For team Sandman, we've got actor, comedian, and animator, Brant Miller.
BRANT MILLER: Hold on to your teeth. We're off to Never, Never Land!
[LAUGHS]
MOLLY BLOOM: And for team Tooth Fairy, it's Moment of Um producer, Anna Weggel.
ANNA WEGGEL: I love fairies, and I love money!
[LAUGHS]
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Ariel from St. Paul, Minnesota. Ariel loves the theater, is currently taking trampoline classes, and also has a history making pinatas. Hi, Ariel.
ARIEL: Hello.
MOLLY BLOOM: So Ariel, tell us about your pinatas.
ARIEL: Well, I made a lot of them. I'd say one of my favorites is the time we made Elsa around when Frozen came out, and we gave her two braids, and then we just kind of smacked her to pieces.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: How did you learn how to make pinatas?
ARIEL: I don't know. I think it was-- we did a mayday parade at Heart of the Beast Theater, and so we tried paper maché for the first time, and we were like, wow, this is cool. And so we made a pinata. We put layers of paper bag in it to make it stronger. And I was like five, and it was so strong that we had to have an adult take it down, put it on the ground, and smash it with a metal bat.
ANNA WEGGEL: Oh, my gosh.
ARIEL: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: These are good quality pinatas. So Ariel, are you ready to judge this debate?
ARIEL: Yes, I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Before we dive in, let's review the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds of argumentation-- the Declaration of Greatness, the Micro Round, the Sneak Attack, and the Final 6. After each round, our judge, Ariel, will award points to the team that impresses her the most, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won.
OK. Anna, Brant, and Ariel, are you ready?
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah.
BRANT MILLER: Feeling rested.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the--
CREW: Declaration of greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Brant, you're up first. Tell us why the Sandman is a dream come true.
BRANT MILLER: The other night, I had a peculiar dream, I was in this diner and--
[BELL RINGING]
SANDMAN: Morning Brant, or should I say good night?
BRANT MILLER: Is this seat taken?
SANDMAN: Help yourself.
BRANT MILLER: Sorry, do I know you?
SANDMAN: Why? I'm the Sandman.
[MUSIC PLAYING] Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.
SANDMAN: I love that song. I'm the one who built this dream that we're sitting in.
AL: Howdy, folks I'm Al, your dream waiter alligator. Roar. What can I get you both?
BRANT MILLER: I guess I'll have the special.
AL: Sure. It's a pancake covered in two spiders, two clown eggs made your way, Canadian unicorn bacon, and a side of toast.
BRANT MILLER: Actually, I'll just have a coffee, black.
SANDMAN: And the usual for me.
AL: You got it.
BRANT MILLER: Right. So why are we here?
SANDMAN: Well, you're here because you fell asleep. I'm here because I wanted to set the record straight about what it is I do. Plus I was hungry. But hey, isn't it fun to see a flying pig cook a meal?
[PIG OINKING]
BRANT MILLER: Yeah. It is fun actually. I guess I didn't realize you'd be so lively, Sandman.
SANDMAN: I get that a lot. I bet you were picturing something more along the lines of, behold, the master of sleep, the architect of dream. I do make people fall asleep, and I bring them sweet dreams or nightmares depending on my mood. But other than that, I'm just your average mythical creature.
BRANT MILLER: Why do they call you the Sandman?
AL: Have you ever noticed those crusty little bits in your eyes when you wake up? Those are called REM. Way back when, people used to believe those crusties were grains of sand. The folklore was, I'd sprinkle the sand in the eyes of people to whisk them away into a peaceful slumber filled with sweet dreams.
BRANT MILLER: Speaking of folklore, do you know the Tooth Fairy?
SANDMAN: Sure. She's great. But let's face it, once you've lost all your baby teeth, she goes to you. I mean, me on the other hand, I'm with you through all of your life's slumbers. I'm your ride or die.
BRANT MILLER: The Tooth Fairy pays money though, I mean, how do you compete with that?
SANDMAN: Sleep is so much more valuable than pocket change for teeth. It's a necessity that re-energizes the body and rejuvenates the mind, helping you wake up revitalized and ready to seize the day. If you don't get enough sleep, you'll find yourself grumpy, struggled to concentrate, and you may even have problems with memory. So you see, my role is essential as it is enchanting.
AL: Your coffee. And for you, Mr. Sand, a bowl of oatmeal.
SANDMAN: Thanks, Al. You're a dream.
BRANT MILLER: Oatmeal? Not what I'd expect from someone as weird and dreamy as you.
SANDMAN: I like my dreams fantastic but my breakfast simple.
BRANT MILLER: This place is pretty fantastical. Is that a rubber duck with laser eyes over there?
[SQUEAKING]
SANDMAN: Oh, Laser Ducky? Yeah. I use him in a lot of dreams. Don't you love dreams? Anything can happen. They're like these personalized interactive movies in your mind. One moment you're soaring through the sky with a long-lost friend. And the next, you're sharing a diner with Elvis and T-rex in the neighboring booth.
ELVIS: Hey, there, would you mind passing the ketchup pretty please?
[ROARING]
Oh, thank you very much.
BRANT MILLER: But what about nightmares? They're not exactly the type of movie I'd want to be in.
SANDMAN: Nightmares may seem scary and they can definitely make you feel stressed or anxious sometimes. But some scientists think they're just your mind's rehearsal for tough and scary situations. For example, imagine you're having a nightmare where you're standing in front of your whole school, about to give a presentation. And suddenly, you forgot all your lines. Terrifying, right? But then when you actually give a presentation in class, it doesn't seem so daunting compared to your dream. Plus it's cool to be able to wake up from a nightmare and realize, phew, it was all a dream.
BRANT MILLER: Wow. So dreams aren't just fun. They can be beneficial. And sleep is unquestionably important. I'm now completely convinced you outshine the Tooth Fairy in every way.
SANDMAN: Your words, not mine.
BRANT MILLER: Thank you for taking the time to chat with me.
SANDMAN: No problem. Happy to help.
AL: Here's your bill.
BRANT MILLER: Want to go halfsies?
SANDMAN: Ha, ha, ha. In your dreams, pal.
BRANT MILLER: Wow. He disappeared.
AL: Yeah, he does that.
BRANT MILLER: I think my wallet's in my other PJs.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, I am really hoping that the rubber ducky with laser eyes makes an appearance in my dream tonight.
BRANT MILLER: It'd be fun.
MOLLY BLOOM: That would be awesome. Ariel, what did you think about Brant's Declaration of Greatness. What stood out to you?
ARIEL: I thought it was pretty cool. I didn't know that the Sandman made dreams. I always thought he just put dirt in your eyes and went away. So that's pretty cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: More to it than just eye dirt. Anna. It is time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to prove why the Sandman is a real snore. And your time starts now.
ANNA WEGGEL: I saw my sister this week and I told her about this debate. Do you know what she said? Who is the Sandman? Exactly, Lisa. Who is he?
[LAUGHS]
The Tooth Fairy is iconic, established, a staple in any household with a child. The Sandman is like no one. He's in one very old song. And according to you, he'll bring me a creepy dreamscape with spider food and a pig waiter and a laser duck. And I'm supposed to be grateful for that? We didn't ask for him to visit. We don't get excited about him. He doesn't--
MOLLY BLOOM: And time. Scary.
BRANT MILLER: It's scary. I mean, at least, my guy has songs. I can't think of any tooth fairy songs.
ANNA WEGGEL: Oh, there's so many.
BRANT MILLER: OK. Name one.
ANNA WEGGEL (SINGING): Tooth fairy.
BRANT MILLER: Oh, that old standard.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah, I think it's Mariah Carey, I think.
BRANT MILLER: Oh, OK.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. It is your turn, Anna. Tell us why the tooth fairy makes sleep, such a treat.
TOOTH FAIRY: Oh. Hello there. I didn't see you. I was too busy stuffing money under little Timmy's pillow.
[SNORING]
Good job, Timmy. Quite a loud snore you have there. I'm not judging though.
[LAUGHS]
Oh. You want to know what's in my giant sack? Oh, well, I've got body trash, dental dineros, calcium kashish, molar moolah, you know, baby teeth. I get sick of seeing baby teeth though. So let's see how many fun alternatives I can come up with. In my sack, I have little Timmy's pearly prize. Sweeney's front tooth rattly ivories. And now, I'm off to collect Claire's tiny toothy treasure. Come one, follow me. Just got to slip out the window and into the night we go!
Oh, I love going house to house collecting your ghoulish grinders and giving you cold hard cash. Oop! My fairy watch is alerting me that I've been inactive for 30 seconds, so I better fly into little Debbie's house. See you soon, my precious children. I will stay with you, but I have to collect thousands and thousands of teeth each night to stay on track. Bye, bye. I love you!
ANNA WEGGEL: Wow, the tooth fairy is such an icon, and for good reason. The tooth fairy visits children when they lose their baby teeth and leaves a small gift or money in exchange for those teeth. She is a wonderful and generous person with a good heart. Plus the tooth fairy also makes growing up less freaky. It's weird to lose parts of your body, right? She makes this scary situation feel more fun. Let's zoom over to Timmy's house and see how she makes magic out of molars.
TIMMY: Oh, my gosh, mommy, a tooth fell out of my head. Is this normal? Is this always going to happen? Will my smile ever look the same? What am I going to do? Somebody help!
ANNA WEGGEL: Confusing? Yeah. Alarming? Sure. But check out what happens the next morning.
[ALARM CLOCK TICKING]
TIMMY: Oh. Oh, my gosh, mom! There's a bunch of Benjamins under my pillow! I'm rich! This is the best day of my life. I'm going to buy a boat! I guess growing up is pretty rewarding.
ANNA WEGGEL: See? A loss into a win. The Tooth Fairy is the world's cutest garbage collector. But instead of paying her to pick up your trash, she pays us for our teeth. And personally, if I'm going to be visited by someone in the middle of the night, I want it to be like a good and helpful person, not some pajama man who slides into our rooms uninvited, makes us feel weird and uneasy, and invokes a sense of primal dread that lingers long after we awaken. Now, let's also talk about how the Tooth Fairy is every kid's first financial advisor, starting you on the road to financial literacy.
Sure, you may have a college fund from your Aunt Minnie or a small savings account from your Grandpa George, but that money is untouchable for now. The Tooth Fairy gives you cash in hand, and you get to decide what to do with it. Buy some gum from the corner store? Sure. Put the moolah in your video game fund? Yeah. Get some Sandman repellent for your bedroom doorway? That's a really, really great idea.
TIMMY: I'll have one can of Sandman repellent, please, extra strength. And I'm paying with my own money.
ANNA WEGGEL: The Tooth Fairy loves you. She cleans up after you. She pays you through your mouth mess. Kids lose 20 baby teeth before they reach adulthood. The Tooth Fairy pays you for every single one. And in the United States, kids get a whopping $6.23 per tooth on average. The Sandman pays you an average of nothing. No money for anything. You do the math. Thanks for your services, Tooth Fairy.
TOOTH FAIRY: I love you. [LAUGHS] You mean the world to me.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Aw, Tooth Fairy, thanks for investing in my future. Ariel, what stood out to you about Anna's Declaration of Greatness?
ARIEL: Well, it was pretty true that I did like to use my Tooth Fairy money back when I had it to buy my own stuff. So I think that's pretty good point in our capitalist economy.
[LAUGHTER]
ANNA WEGGEL: That's good point.
BRANT MILLER: Good point.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Brant, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to prove that the Tooth Fairy is less fairy and more scary. And your time starts now.
BRANT MILLER: OK. First question. You said thousands of teeth? Well, I think they're like almost 7 billion people on the planet. It's probably tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands teeth at night. What is she doing with all of those teeth? Is she making mosaics creepy art? Is she selling them?
[LAUGHTER]
What's going on there? And then also in 1987, when I was getting paid by the Tooth Fairy, she was giving me $0.50. You said Benjamins.
ANNA WEGGEL: Inflation.
BRANT MILLER: Benjamins.
[LAUGHTER]
I mean, inflation is bad. But that's insane. Also, like--
ANNA WEGGEL: And time. You're old. OK? Kids get paid more now. OK?
BRANT MILLER: $0.50, a Benjamin's $100, right?
ANNA WEGGEL: I don't know.
[LAUGHTER]
I think so. Yeah. It's all about the Benjamins. That's all I know.
BRANT MILLER: Well, it can't be like $5, because that wouldn't be a very interesting rap song. It's all about the $5 bills.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Ariel it is time to award some points. Please give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you like best and one point to the most awesome rebuttal. You get to decide what makes a winning argument, which team made you laugh? Who use legendary logic? Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Both points go to the same person or one could go to each. Have you made your decision?
ARIEL: Yes, I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Anna and Brant, how are you two feeling so far?
ANNA WEGGEL: Confident and a little angry.
[LAUGHS]
BRANT MILLER: I still can't shake the idea of my teeth falling out and a little bone Goblin coming and putting money. It's a little weird. It's a little weird, right? Not just me, right?
ANNA WEGGEL: She doesn't control your teeth falling out.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Grab some more milk and the comfiest of PJ's, because we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
CREW: You're listening to State of Debate, home to rage and rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What's up debaters? Taylor Lincoln here with my bestie. He's the flip it to my reverse it, Todd Douglas.
TODD DOUGLAS: It's Todd, Toddy-Todd, Todd, Todd. And we're back with another logical fallacy. Logical fallacies are arguments that make your debates weaker.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Yeah, you can't work it with a weak argument. Today, we spotted someone using an appeal to authority fallacy.
TODD DOUGLAS: That's when somebody says something must be true, because an authority figure believes or supports it. Back at play.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Huh?
TODD DOUGLAS: Oops, sorry. I reversed it. Play it back.
SUBJECT 1: Casey, are you ready yet?
CASEY: Just putting on the finishing touches on my outfit. Ta-da!
SUBJECT 1: Oh, I love that polka bandanna. But wait, are your jeans on backwards?
CASEY: I don't know what you're talking about. This is definitely the right way to wear jeans.
SUBJECT 1: But your belt loops are off, and those pockets don't look right.
CASEY: Uh, it's called style. Plus my older brother said this is the only way to wear jeans. So it's got to be right, right? He's older and wiser. He's in college. He went there to get mad knowledge.
SUBJECT 1: Then why is your zipper on your butt?
CASEY: That's jeans for you. My brother said so.
SUBJECT 1: It's not.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Casey's pants are definitely backwards.
TODD DOUGLAS: He needs to flip it or maybe he needs to reverse it.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Just because Casey's older brother said the only way to wear jeans is backwards, doesn't mean it's true.
TODD DOUGLAS: Yeah, he may be older. But in this case, he's not wiser. He's got no evidence to back up that claim. But hey, maybe it's the next big thing in fashion-- butt zippers.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Fashionable or not, there's no denying this is a fallacy flop.
TODD DOUGLAS: That's all for Debate of State. Boop. Flip it again.
BOTH: State of Debate!
[THEME MUSIC] Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Smash, Boom, Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
ARIEL: And I'm your judge, Ariel.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this awesome debate idea from Eloise.
ELOISE: My debate idea is bagels versus baguettes.
ARIEL: I love a breakfast debate!
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Eloise at the end of this episode to see which side she thinks should win.
ARIEL: And now it's back to today's debate-- Sandman versus Tooth Fairy.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
CREW: Micro Round.
MOLLY BLOOM: For this Micro Round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. Today's challenge is called, Be My Roommate. Anna and Brant, we all know that finding roommates is tricky. So for this challenge, we asked you to write a really compelling roommate listing. Make us want to be your roomie. Brant went first last time, so Anna, you're up. Tell us what is the Tooth Fairy looking for in a potential roommate.
TOOTH FAIRY: Hello, I'm looking for a friendly and responsible roommate to share my cozy studio in Queens. I'll level with you. Times are tough in this economy. And I could use a roommate to help split the bills in exchange for a friendship that will last a lifetime. I'm looking for someone that will appreciate the benefits that come with this apartment-- vintage wands, free magical fairy dust, a helping hand to reach items on the highest shelves, because I can fly, and endless supply of coins for on-site laundry machines, and mounds and mounds of free baby teeth.
The apartment is 350 square feet, but I hardly take up any space, since I'm a tiny little fairy. I will say that I haven't had the best luck with roommates in the past. I once lived with a leprechaun who was constantly playing pranks on me like hiding my shoes or turning my oatmeal into cement. I used to live with an elf on the shelf who was always changing locations and getting into weird poses and making me so nervous. And don't even get me started on the month I tried living with the Sandman. It was horrible. The sand was everywhere! It infiltrated every nook and cranny in this place.
I even found a pile in my sock! And any time I brought up his portion of the rent or his turn to do the dishes, he would put me to sleep. And when I woke up, he'd mysteriously be gone! Anyway, I know you'll just love living with me. I'm warm. I'm kind-hearted. I have a busy night job and won't bother you much, and I can help you manage your finances free of charge, month to month agreement with minimum stay of three months, no parking, non-smokers preferred as my wings are flammable. DM me for details. Oh!
MOLLY BLOOM: Sounds pretty compelling. All right, Brant, now it's your turn. Tell us why the Sandman is the best roomie around.
SANDMAN: Am I the roommate of your dreams? I'm seeking a sleepy individual to share a very dark two-bedroom apartment in the quiet part of town with. The available room is spacious enough for a king-size bed and has blackout curtains on all the windows.
[YAWNING]
Our location is dreamy. Walking distance to sleep clinics, pajama stores, and some of the most peaceful cafes in the city. Rent is $850 per month, utilities excluded. I'm seeking someone who values good sleep. I follow a strict bedtime routine. I stop using electronic devices 30 minutes before bed. I avoid late night snacking, pizza slices included, and say no to caffeine in the evenings. If you do not have good sleep hygiene, you need not apply. I've got to be honest. The shared living space is a bit dirty. There is sand everywhere, and it's a bit of a nightmare to clean up. I hope that's not an issue.
A perk of being my roommate is I'll make sure you have wild and fun dreams regularly. Don't sleep on this. References and proof of income will be required. Looking forward to your response.
[ALARM CLOCK TICKING]
MOLLY BLOOM: You know, I could use some help getting a good night's sleep. That sounds pretty appealing too. Oh, man, Ariel, this is a tough decision. What stood out to you about those two rounds?
ARIEL: Well, I thought that the Tooth Fairy's no smoking rule seemed pretty apt thing. I never thought about fairy wings being flammable, but I bet that would be a problem.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm-hmm. No candles.
ARIEL: Yeah. Oh. Shame.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: What about the Sandman?
ARIEL: Of town sounded nice, like the blackout curtains. My room's always too light to sleep in.
MOLLY BLOOM: I know.
ARIEL: It's really annoying.
MOLLY BLOOM: So both some pretty good roommate potential there. I like that it seemed like they both put those ads up when they moved out from each other's apartment, and they're both looking for new roommates.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Ariel, it's time to award a point. The criteria are up to you. Did someone sound like they'd be a great roommate? Did someone make you laugh? Did someone make you think, it's time to award a point, but don't tell us who it's going to. Have you made your decision?
ARIEL: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around of the Super Stealthy--
CREW: Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: This is our improv round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Your sneak attack is called Sentence by Sentence. This challenge requires a little teamwork, something you two might be familiar with. Anna and Brant, we want you to build a story together that involves both the Sandman and the Tooth Fairy. You're each going to get three sentences to build this story from the ground up. You're going to go back and forth, making this story together. So six sentences total, taking turns. Does that make sense to you two?
ANNA WEGGEL: Yes.
BRANT MILLER: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Ariel, it's your job to decide which side contributed more intriguing sentences to the story.
ARIEL: All right.
MOLLY BLOOM: Anna went first last time. So Brant, you are up. Please start with the first sentence.
BRANT MILLER: Two old friends-- the Tooth Fairy and the Sandman went into a movie theater to watch a fun film together.
MOLLY BLOOM: Anna.
ANNA WEGGEL: Tensions were high--
[LAUGHTER]
As they hadn't seen each other in six whole months.
BRANT MILLER: The Tooth Fairy assumed that the Sandman wanted to share popcorn. He did not. And wanted his own bucket. But oh well.
[LAUGHS]
ANNA WEGGEL: Since he didn't speak up and express that for himself, the Tooth Fairy's hand gently brushed the Sandman's as they both reached for the best bite, the top bite with the most butter.
BRANT MILLER: He froze. It got weird.
[LAUGHS]
And then he stated, do you think you maybe ate more popcorn than me? I mean, maybe, you should leave some for your old friend.
ANNA WEGGEL: The Tooth Fairy closed her eyes, sighed slowly and flew off into the night.
[LAUGHTER]
BRANT MILLER: So a happy ending.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah.
BRANT MILLER: Yeah.
ANNA WEGGEL: Honestly, it sounds like a night out with Anna and Brant.
BRANT MILLER: Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
That seemed pretty loaded actually.
ANNA WEGGEL: We don't share popcorn.
BRANT MILLER: No, we don't. This is a thing that has happened.
ANNA WEGGEL: No. That's family rule.
MOLLY BLOOM: I'm glad you guys are working through this together here today. Very beautiful. All right, Ariel, please think about which side impressed you the most and award your fourth point. Again, criteria, totally up to you. Have you made your decision?
ARIEL: No. This is going to be hard, I think.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, I know they worked together on the same story.
ARIEL: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Who did you like what direction they took it in? Because each person was like a give and take, a push and pull.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah, it's like who really brought it home. You know? Who brought that thing home?
BRANT MILLER: I mean, it was teamwork.
ANNA WEGGEL: Well, I mean, there was a good end, I think.
ARIEL: All right.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you made your decision Ariel?
ARIEL: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Perfect. Then it's time for our final around--
CREW: The Final 6.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their sides. OK. Anna, please tell us your six words for the tooth fairy.
ANNA WEGGEL: Takes your trash, gives you cash!
MOLLY BLOOM: It rhymed. It was beautiful. All right, Brant, let's hear your Final 6 for the Sandman.
BRANT MILLER: Keep my teeth. I get some sleep.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
[LAUGHS]
All right, Ariel, it's time to award your final point for the Final 6. Have you made your decision?
ARIEL: Yes, I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, tally up those points.
ARIEL: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
ARIEL: I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Drum roll, please.
[DRUM ROLLING]
ARIEL: The tooth fairy.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yey!
BRANT MILLER: OK. OK. OK. This is good. This is good. This is good. I was worried, you know? I'm not really a big fan of sleeping on the couch or anything, so this is good. This is good.
ANNA WEGGEL: You've done well for our family--
BRANT MILLER: Thank you.
ANNA WEGGEL: Our future children, thank you. Our dog, thanks to you. Our relatives, thank you.
BRANT MILLER: Thank you.
ANNA WEGGEL: This is the way, the truth, and the life.
MOLLY BLOOM: So Ariel, was there a moment that really sealed the deal for the Tooth Fairy?
ARIEL: The closing remarks.
MOLLY BLOOM: The Final 6?
BRANT MILLER: Your Final 6 was great.
MOLLY BLOOM: It was-- got right to the point.
BRANT MILLER: The rhyme.
ANNA WEGGEL: Oh, my gosh, Brant, I knew like even though I knew this was what was going to happen, I was so proud of you for trying. And it was so sweet to watch you come on here and do you your best, little buddy. I just love watching you you're so talented. You set up a whole scene, a fun diner situation. I listened to that like I was watching a movie. It was so fun to learn more about the Sandman, which I really didn't know that much about him.
And as a person that has horrific nightmares, I wish he would come see me more often, honestly.
BRANT MILLER: This is true. Anna has the most nightmares of anyone.
ANNA WEGGEL: And what do you say to me when you take off your CPAP?
BRANT MILLER: I do?
[LAUGHTER]
TMI.
ANNA WEGGEL: You lean in-- TMI. You lean in, and you say, you're safe. You're safe. So really, like you're my Sandman.
MOLLY BLOOM: Aw.
ANNA WEGGEL: I know.
MOLLY BLOOM: So sweet.
ANNA WEGGEL: And I'm your Tooth Fairy when I take your teeth out.
[LAUGHTER]
BRANT MILLER: Well I think your DOG was the definition of greatness. It's really good, really, really well-done. I really liked it. And you're just so funny. I live with the funniest person. I'm the luckiest.
MOLLY BLOOM: Guys, this is too sweet.
BRANT MILLER: Too sweet!
MOLLY BLOOM: We love it. We love it. Well, that is it for today's debate battle. Ariel crown Tooth Fairy the Smash Best. But what about you?
ARIEL: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
ANNA WEGGEL: It's produced by-- [LISTING HONOR ROLL]
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from [LISTING HONOR ROLL].
BRANT MILLER: Our editors are [LISTING HONOR ROLL].
ANNA WEGGEL: And we had production help from [LISTING HONOR ROLL].
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is [LISTING HONOR ROLL].
Our announcer is [LISTING HONOR ROLL]. Brant, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
BRANT MILLER: Yes, the last time I was on Smash Boom Best which was farting versus sneezing, I forgot to give a shout out to my wife. I know this is getting a little-- my teeth are starting to hurt because this is like too sweet, but I like forgot to give a shout out to her, Anna is a super human being who is the best. So shout out to Anna Weggel who is incredible.
ANNA WEGGEL: Thank you so much.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh. Now Anna, any special shoutouts you want to give?
ANNA WEGGEL: In return, I would like to give a big adorable shout out to my daughter Luna.
[LAUGHTER]
BRANT MILLER: She deserves it.
ANNA WEGGEL: She just turned two years old, and I hope she gets to listen to this someday and just know how wonderful her mommy is.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: And Ariel, do you want to give any special thanks?
ARIEL: Sure. I'll shout out to my cat, because she was being really cute this morning.
MOLLY BLOOM: So what is her name?
ARIEL: Her name is Kara. She's a calico. Well before we go, let's check in with Eloise and see who she thinks should win her bagels versus baguettes debate.
ELOISE: I think bagels would win, because they're basically salty donuts. And I love donuts. And they come in so many different flavors, even blueberry, whereas baguettes come in few options.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have an idea for a knock down drag out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week. Bye, bye!
BRANT MILLER: Sweet dreams!
[THEME MUSIC] It's Smash Boom Best. It's Smash Boom Best.
CREW: The show for people with big opinions.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, I'm Molly Bloom. And this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate is a mythic mash up, we've got a fairy who loves your teeth and the sultan of sand. One helps you sleep and the other works while you're dreaming of a magical land. So fluff your pillows and brush your teeth, because it's Tooth Fairy versus Sandman. And as a special never-before-seen match-up on Smash Boom Best, we are proud to announce our first-ever husband versus wife match-up.
BRANT MILLER: I love you, but I do want to win.
ANNA WEGGEL: It's going to get weird.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: The drama, the intrigue, the possible familial resentments, could anything be better? Let's dive in. For team Sandman, we've got actor, comedian, and animator, Brant Miller.
BRANT MILLER: Hold on to your teeth. We're off to Never, Never Land!
[LAUGHS]
MOLLY BLOOM: And for team Tooth Fairy, it's Moment of Um producer, Anna Weggel.
ANNA WEGGEL: I love fairies, and I love money!
[LAUGHS]
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Ariel from St. Paul, Minnesota. Ariel loves the theater, is currently taking trampoline classes, and also has a history making pinatas. Hi, Ariel.
ARIEL: Hello.
MOLLY BLOOM: So Ariel, tell us about your pinatas.
ARIEL: Well, I made a lot of them. I'd say one of my favorites is the time we made Elsa around when Frozen came out, and we gave her two braids, and then we just kind of smacked her to pieces.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: How did you learn how to make pinatas?
ARIEL: I don't know. I think it was-- we did a mayday parade at Heart of the Beast Theater, and so we tried paper maché for the first time, and we were like, wow, this is cool. And so we made a pinata. We put layers of paper bag in it to make it stronger. And I was like five, and it was so strong that we had to have an adult take it down, put it on the ground, and smash it with a metal bat.
ANNA WEGGEL: Oh, my gosh.
ARIEL: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: These are good quality pinatas. So Ariel, are you ready to judge this debate?
ARIEL: Yes, I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Before we dive in, let's review the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds of argumentation-- the Declaration of Greatness, the Micro Round, the Sneak Attack, and the Final 6. After each round, our judge, Ariel, will award points to the team that impresses her the most, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won.
OK. Anna, Brant, and Ariel, are you ready?
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah.
BRANT MILLER: Feeling rested.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the--
CREW: Declaration of greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Brant, you're up first. Tell us why the Sandman is a dream come true.
BRANT MILLER: The other night, I had a peculiar dream, I was in this diner and--
[BELL RINGING]
SANDMAN: Morning Brant, or should I say good night?
BRANT MILLER: Is this seat taken?
SANDMAN: Help yourself.
BRANT MILLER: Sorry, do I know you?
SANDMAN: Why? I'm the Sandman.
[MUSIC PLAYING] Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.
SANDMAN: I love that song. I'm the one who built this dream that we're sitting in.
AL: Howdy, folks I'm Al, your dream waiter alligator. Roar. What can I get you both?
BRANT MILLER: I guess I'll have the special.
AL: Sure. It's a pancake covered in two spiders, two clown eggs made your way, Canadian unicorn bacon, and a side of toast.
BRANT MILLER: Actually, I'll just have a coffee, black.
SANDMAN: And the usual for me.
AL: You got it.
BRANT MILLER: Right. So why are we here?
SANDMAN: Well, you're here because you fell asleep. I'm here because I wanted to set the record straight about what it is I do. Plus I was hungry. But hey, isn't it fun to see a flying pig cook a meal?
[PIG OINKING]
BRANT MILLER: Yeah. It is fun actually. I guess I didn't realize you'd be so lively, Sandman.
SANDMAN: I get that a lot. I bet you were picturing something more along the lines of, behold, the master of sleep, the architect of dream. I do make people fall asleep, and I bring them sweet dreams or nightmares depending on my mood. But other than that, I'm just your average mythical creature.
BRANT MILLER: Why do they call you the Sandman?
AL: Have you ever noticed those crusty little bits in your eyes when you wake up? Those are called REM. Way back when, people used to believe those crusties were grains of sand. The folklore was, I'd sprinkle the sand in the eyes of people to whisk them away into a peaceful slumber filled with sweet dreams.
BRANT MILLER: Speaking of folklore, do you know the Tooth Fairy?
SANDMAN: Sure. She's great. But let's face it, once you've lost all your baby teeth, she goes to you. I mean, me on the other hand, I'm with you through all of your life's slumbers. I'm your ride or die.
BRANT MILLER: The Tooth Fairy pays money though, I mean, how do you compete with that?
SANDMAN: Sleep is so much more valuable than pocket change for teeth. It's a necessity that re-energizes the body and rejuvenates the mind, helping you wake up revitalized and ready to seize the day. If you don't get enough sleep, you'll find yourself grumpy, struggled to concentrate, and you may even have problems with memory. So you see, my role is essential as it is enchanting.
AL: Your coffee. And for you, Mr. Sand, a bowl of oatmeal.
SANDMAN: Thanks, Al. You're a dream.
BRANT MILLER: Oatmeal? Not what I'd expect from someone as weird and dreamy as you.
SANDMAN: I like my dreams fantastic but my breakfast simple.
BRANT MILLER: This place is pretty fantastical. Is that a rubber duck with laser eyes over there?
[SQUEAKING]
SANDMAN: Oh, Laser Ducky? Yeah. I use him in a lot of dreams. Don't you love dreams? Anything can happen. They're like these personalized interactive movies in your mind. One moment you're soaring through the sky with a long-lost friend. And the next, you're sharing a diner with Elvis and T-rex in the neighboring booth.
ELVIS: Hey, there, would you mind passing the ketchup pretty please?
[ROARING]
Oh, thank you very much.
BRANT MILLER: But what about nightmares? They're not exactly the type of movie I'd want to be in.
SANDMAN: Nightmares may seem scary and they can definitely make you feel stressed or anxious sometimes. But some scientists think they're just your mind's rehearsal for tough and scary situations. For example, imagine you're having a nightmare where you're standing in front of your whole school, about to give a presentation. And suddenly, you forgot all your lines. Terrifying, right? But then when you actually give a presentation in class, it doesn't seem so daunting compared to your dream. Plus it's cool to be able to wake up from a nightmare and realize, phew, it was all a dream.
BRANT MILLER: Wow. So dreams aren't just fun. They can be beneficial. And sleep is unquestionably important. I'm now completely convinced you outshine the Tooth Fairy in every way.
SANDMAN: Your words, not mine.
BRANT MILLER: Thank you for taking the time to chat with me.
SANDMAN: No problem. Happy to help.
AL: Here's your bill.
BRANT MILLER: Want to go halfsies?
SANDMAN: Ha, ha, ha. In your dreams, pal.
BRANT MILLER: Wow. He disappeared.
AL: Yeah, he does that.
BRANT MILLER: I think my wallet's in my other PJs.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, I am really hoping that the rubber ducky with laser eyes makes an appearance in my dream tonight.
BRANT MILLER: It'd be fun.
MOLLY BLOOM: That would be awesome. Ariel, what did you think about Brant's Declaration of Greatness. What stood out to you?
ARIEL: I thought it was pretty cool. I didn't know that the Sandman made dreams. I always thought he just put dirt in your eyes and went away. So that's pretty cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: More to it than just eye dirt. Anna. It is time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to prove why the Sandman is a real snore. And your time starts now.
ANNA WEGGEL: I saw my sister this week and I told her about this debate. Do you know what she said? Who is the Sandman? Exactly, Lisa. Who is he?
[LAUGHS]
The Tooth Fairy is iconic, established, a staple in any household with a child. The Sandman is like no one. He's in one very old song. And according to you, he'll bring me a creepy dreamscape with spider food and a pig waiter and a laser duck. And I'm supposed to be grateful for that? We didn't ask for him to visit. We don't get excited about him. He doesn't--
MOLLY BLOOM: And time. Scary.
BRANT MILLER: It's scary. I mean, at least, my guy has songs. I can't think of any tooth fairy songs.
ANNA WEGGEL: Oh, there's so many.
BRANT MILLER: OK. Name one.
ANNA WEGGEL (SINGING): Tooth fairy.
BRANT MILLER: Oh, that old standard.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah, I think it's Mariah Carey, I think.
BRANT MILLER: Oh, OK.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. It is your turn, Anna. Tell us why the tooth fairy makes sleep, such a treat.
TOOTH FAIRY: Oh. Hello there. I didn't see you. I was too busy stuffing money under little Timmy's pillow.
[SNORING]
Good job, Timmy. Quite a loud snore you have there. I'm not judging though.
[LAUGHS]
Oh. You want to know what's in my giant sack? Oh, well, I've got body trash, dental dineros, calcium kashish, molar moolah, you know, baby teeth. I get sick of seeing baby teeth though. So let's see how many fun alternatives I can come up with. In my sack, I have little Timmy's pearly prize. Sweeney's front tooth rattly ivories. And now, I'm off to collect Claire's tiny toothy treasure. Come one, follow me. Just got to slip out the window and into the night we go!
Oh, I love going house to house collecting your ghoulish grinders and giving you cold hard cash. Oop! My fairy watch is alerting me that I've been inactive for 30 seconds, so I better fly into little Debbie's house. See you soon, my precious children. I will stay with you, but I have to collect thousands and thousands of teeth each night to stay on track. Bye, bye. I love you!
ANNA WEGGEL: Wow, the tooth fairy is such an icon, and for good reason. The tooth fairy visits children when they lose their baby teeth and leaves a small gift or money in exchange for those teeth. She is a wonderful and generous person with a good heart. Plus the tooth fairy also makes growing up less freaky. It's weird to lose parts of your body, right? She makes this scary situation feel more fun. Let's zoom over to Timmy's house and see how she makes magic out of molars.
TIMMY: Oh, my gosh, mommy, a tooth fell out of my head. Is this normal? Is this always going to happen? Will my smile ever look the same? What am I going to do? Somebody help!
ANNA WEGGEL: Confusing? Yeah. Alarming? Sure. But check out what happens the next morning.
[ALARM CLOCK TICKING]
TIMMY: Oh. Oh, my gosh, mom! There's a bunch of Benjamins under my pillow! I'm rich! This is the best day of my life. I'm going to buy a boat! I guess growing up is pretty rewarding.
ANNA WEGGEL: See? A loss into a win. The Tooth Fairy is the world's cutest garbage collector. But instead of paying her to pick up your trash, she pays us for our teeth. And personally, if I'm going to be visited by someone in the middle of the night, I want it to be like a good and helpful person, not some pajama man who slides into our rooms uninvited, makes us feel weird and uneasy, and invokes a sense of primal dread that lingers long after we awaken. Now, let's also talk about how the Tooth Fairy is every kid's first financial advisor, starting you on the road to financial literacy.
Sure, you may have a college fund from your Aunt Minnie or a small savings account from your Grandpa George, but that money is untouchable for now. The Tooth Fairy gives you cash in hand, and you get to decide what to do with it. Buy some gum from the corner store? Sure. Put the moolah in your video game fund? Yeah. Get some Sandman repellent for your bedroom doorway? That's a really, really great idea.
TIMMY: I'll have one can of Sandman repellent, please, extra strength. And I'm paying with my own money.
ANNA WEGGEL: The Tooth Fairy loves you. She cleans up after you. She pays you through your mouth mess. Kids lose 20 baby teeth before they reach adulthood. The Tooth Fairy pays you for every single one. And in the United States, kids get a whopping $6.23 per tooth on average. The Sandman pays you an average of nothing. No money for anything. You do the math. Thanks for your services, Tooth Fairy.
TOOTH FAIRY: I love you. [LAUGHS] You mean the world to me.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Aw, Tooth Fairy, thanks for investing in my future. Ariel, what stood out to you about Anna's Declaration of Greatness?
ARIEL: Well, it was pretty true that I did like to use my Tooth Fairy money back when I had it to buy my own stuff. So I think that's pretty good point in our capitalist economy.
[LAUGHTER]
ANNA WEGGEL: That's good point.
BRANT MILLER: Good point.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Brant, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to prove that the Tooth Fairy is less fairy and more scary. And your time starts now.
BRANT MILLER: OK. First question. You said thousands of teeth? Well, I think they're like almost 7 billion people on the planet. It's probably tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands teeth at night. What is she doing with all of those teeth? Is she making mosaics creepy art? Is she selling them?
[LAUGHTER]
What's going on there? And then also in 1987, when I was getting paid by the Tooth Fairy, she was giving me $0.50. You said Benjamins.
ANNA WEGGEL: Inflation.
BRANT MILLER: Benjamins.
[LAUGHTER]
I mean, inflation is bad. But that's insane. Also, like--
ANNA WEGGEL: And time. You're old. OK? Kids get paid more now. OK?
BRANT MILLER: $0.50, a Benjamin's $100, right?
ANNA WEGGEL: I don't know.
[LAUGHTER]
I think so. Yeah. It's all about the Benjamins. That's all I know.
BRANT MILLER: Well, it can't be like $5, because that wouldn't be a very interesting rap song. It's all about the $5 bills.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Ariel it is time to award some points. Please give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you like best and one point to the most awesome rebuttal. You get to decide what makes a winning argument, which team made you laugh? Who use legendary logic? Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Both points go to the same person or one could go to each. Have you made your decision?
ARIEL: Yes, I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Anna and Brant, how are you two feeling so far?
ANNA WEGGEL: Confident and a little angry.
[LAUGHS]
BRANT MILLER: I still can't shake the idea of my teeth falling out and a little bone Goblin coming and putting money. It's a little weird. It's a little weird, right? Not just me, right?
ANNA WEGGEL: She doesn't control your teeth falling out.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Grab some more milk and the comfiest of PJ's, because we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
CREW: You're listening to State of Debate, home to rage and rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What's up debaters? Taylor Lincoln here with my bestie. He's the flip it to my reverse it, Todd Douglas.
TODD DOUGLAS: It's Todd, Toddy-Todd, Todd, Todd. And we're back with another logical fallacy. Logical fallacies are arguments that make your debates weaker.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Yeah, you can't work it with a weak argument. Today, we spotted someone using an appeal to authority fallacy.
TODD DOUGLAS: That's when somebody says something must be true, because an authority figure believes or supports it. Back at play.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Huh?
TODD DOUGLAS: Oops, sorry. I reversed it. Play it back.
SUBJECT 1: Casey, are you ready yet?
CASEY: Just putting on the finishing touches on my outfit. Ta-da!
SUBJECT 1: Oh, I love that polka bandanna. But wait, are your jeans on backwards?
CASEY: I don't know what you're talking about. This is definitely the right way to wear jeans.
SUBJECT 1: But your belt loops are off, and those pockets don't look right.
CASEY: Uh, it's called style. Plus my older brother said this is the only way to wear jeans. So it's got to be right, right? He's older and wiser. He's in college. He went there to get mad knowledge.
SUBJECT 1: Then why is your zipper on your butt?
CASEY: That's jeans for you. My brother said so.
SUBJECT 1: It's not.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Casey's pants are definitely backwards.
TODD DOUGLAS: He needs to flip it or maybe he needs to reverse it.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Just because Casey's older brother said the only way to wear jeans is backwards, doesn't mean it's true.
TODD DOUGLAS: Yeah, he may be older. But in this case, he's not wiser. He's got no evidence to back up that claim. But hey, maybe it's the next big thing in fashion-- butt zippers.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Fashionable or not, there's no denying this is a fallacy flop.
TODD DOUGLAS: That's all for Debate of State. Boop. Flip it again.
BOTH: State of Debate!
[THEME MUSIC] Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Smash, Boom, Best.
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
ARIEL: And I'm your judge, Ariel.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this awesome debate idea from Eloise.
ELOISE: My debate idea is bagels versus baguettes.
ARIEL: I love a breakfast debate!
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Eloise at the end of this episode to see which side she thinks should win.
ARIEL: And now it's back to today's debate-- Sandman versus Tooth Fairy.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
CREW: Micro Round.
MOLLY BLOOM: For this Micro Round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. Today's challenge is called, Be My Roommate. Anna and Brant, we all know that finding roommates is tricky. So for this challenge, we asked you to write a really compelling roommate listing. Make us want to be your roomie. Brant went first last time, so Anna, you're up. Tell us what is the Tooth Fairy looking for in a potential roommate.
TOOTH FAIRY: Hello, I'm looking for a friendly and responsible roommate to share my cozy studio in Queens. I'll level with you. Times are tough in this economy. And I could use a roommate to help split the bills in exchange for a friendship that will last a lifetime. I'm looking for someone that will appreciate the benefits that come with this apartment-- vintage wands, free magical fairy dust, a helping hand to reach items on the highest shelves, because I can fly, and endless supply of coins for on-site laundry machines, and mounds and mounds of free baby teeth.
The apartment is 350 square feet, but I hardly take up any space, since I'm a tiny little fairy. I will say that I haven't had the best luck with roommates in the past. I once lived with a leprechaun who was constantly playing pranks on me like hiding my shoes or turning my oatmeal into cement. I used to live with an elf on the shelf who was always changing locations and getting into weird poses and making me so nervous. And don't even get me started on the month I tried living with the Sandman. It was horrible. The sand was everywhere! It infiltrated every nook and cranny in this place.
I even found a pile in my sock! And any time I brought up his portion of the rent or his turn to do the dishes, he would put me to sleep. And when I woke up, he'd mysteriously be gone! Anyway, I know you'll just love living with me. I'm warm. I'm kind-hearted. I have a busy night job and won't bother you much, and I can help you manage your finances free of charge, month to month agreement with minimum stay of three months, no parking, non-smokers preferred as my wings are flammable. DM me for details. Oh!
MOLLY BLOOM: Sounds pretty compelling. All right, Brant, now it's your turn. Tell us why the Sandman is the best roomie around.
SANDMAN: Am I the roommate of your dreams? I'm seeking a sleepy individual to share a very dark two-bedroom apartment in the quiet part of town with. The available room is spacious enough for a king-size bed and has blackout curtains on all the windows.
[YAWNING]
Our location is dreamy. Walking distance to sleep clinics, pajama stores, and some of the most peaceful cafes in the city. Rent is $850 per month, utilities excluded. I'm seeking someone who values good sleep. I follow a strict bedtime routine. I stop using electronic devices 30 minutes before bed. I avoid late night snacking, pizza slices included, and say no to caffeine in the evenings. If you do not have good sleep hygiene, you need not apply. I've got to be honest. The shared living space is a bit dirty. There is sand everywhere, and it's a bit of a nightmare to clean up. I hope that's not an issue.
A perk of being my roommate is I'll make sure you have wild and fun dreams regularly. Don't sleep on this. References and proof of income will be required. Looking forward to your response.
[ALARM CLOCK TICKING]
MOLLY BLOOM: You know, I could use some help getting a good night's sleep. That sounds pretty appealing too. Oh, man, Ariel, this is a tough decision. What stood out to you about those two rounds?
ARIEL: Well, I thought that the Tooth Fairy's no smoking rule seemed pretty apt thing. I never thought about fairy wings being flammable, but I bet that would be a problem.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm-hmm. No candles.
ARIEL: Yeah. Oh. Shame.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: What about the Sandman?
ARIEL: Of town sounded nice, like the blackout curtains. My room's always too light to sleep in.
MOLLY BLOOM: I know.
ARIEL: It's really annoying.
MOLLY BLOOM: So both some pretty good roommate potential there. I like that it seemed like they both put those ads up when they moved out from each other's apartment, and they're both looking for new roommates.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Ariel, it's time to award a point. The criteria are up to you. Did someone sound like they'd be a great roommate? Did someone make you laugh? Did someone make you think, it's time to award a point, but don't tell us who it's going to. Have you made your decision?
ARIEL: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around of the Super Stealthy--
CREW: Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: This is our improv round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Your sneak attack is called Sentence by Sentence. This challenge requires a little teamwork, something you two might be familiar with. Anna and Brant, we want you to build a story together that involves both the Sandman and the Tooth Fairy. You're each going to get three sentences to build this story from the ground up. You're going to go back and forth, making this story together. So six sentences total, taking turns. Does that make sense to you two?
ANNA WEGGEL: Yes.
BRANT MILLER: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Ariel, it's your job to decide which side contributed more intriguing sentences to the story.
ARIEL: All right.
MOLLY BLOOM: Anna went first last time. So Brant, you are up. Please start with the first sentence.
BRANT MILLER: Two old friends-- the Tooth Fairy and the Sandman went into a movie theater to watch a fun film together.
MOLLY BLOOM: Anna.
ANNA WEGGEL: Tensions were high--
[LAUGHTER]
As they hadn't seen each other in six whole months.
BRANT MILLER: The Tooth Fairy assumed that the Sandman wanted to share popcorn. He did not. And wanted his own bucket. But oh well.
[LAUGHS]
ANNA WEGGEL: Since he didn't speak up and express that for himself, the Tooth Fairy's hand gently brushed the Sandman's as they both reached for the best bite, the top bite with the most butter.
BRANT MILLER: He froze. It got weird.
[LAUGHS]
And then he stated, do you think you maybe ate more popcorn than me? I mean, maybe, you should leave some for your old friend.
ANNA WEGGEL: The Tooth Fairy closed her eyes, sighed slowly and flew off into the night.
[LAUGHTER]
BRANT MILLER: So a happy ending.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah.
BRANT MILLER: Yeah.
ANNA WEGGEL: Honestly, it sounds like a night out with Anna and Brant.
BRANT MILLER: Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
That seemed pretty loaded actually.
ANNA WEGGEL: We don't share popcorn.
BRANT MILLER: No, we don't. This is a thing that has happened.
ANNA WEGGEL: No. That's family rule.
MOLLY BLOOM: I'm glad you guys are working through this together here today. Very beautiful. All right, Ariel, please think about which side impressed you the most and award your fourth point. Again, criteria, totally up to you. Have you made your decision?
ARIEL: No. This is going to be hard, I think.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, I know they worked together on the same story.
ARIEL: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Who did you like what direction they took it in? Because each person was like a give and take, a push and pull.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yeah, it's like who really brought it home. You know? Who brought that thing home?
BRANT MILLER: I mean, it was teamwork.
ANNA WEGGEL: Well, I mean, there was a good end, I think.
ARIEL: All right.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you made your decision Ariel?
ARIEL: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Perfect. Then it's time for our final around--
CREW: The Final 6.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their sides. OK. Anna, please tell us your six words for the tooth fairy.
ANNA WEGGEL: Takes your trash, gives you cash!
MOLLY BLOOM: It rhymed. It was beautiful. All right, Brant, let's hear your Final 6 for the Sandman.
BRANT MILLER: Keep my teeth. I get some sleep.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
[LAUGHS]
All right, Ariel, it's time to award your final point for the Final 6. Have you made your decision?
ARIEL: Yes, I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, tally up those points.
ARIEL: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best?
ARIEL: I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Drum roll, please.
[DRUM ROLLING]
ARIEL: The tooth fairy.
ANNA WEGGEL: Yey!
BRANT MILLER: OK. OK. OK. This is good. This is good. This is good. I was worried, you know? I'm not really a big fan of sleeping on the couch or anything, so this is good. This is good.
ANNA WEGGEL: You've done well for our family--
BRANT MILLER: Thank you.
ANNA WEGGEL: Our future children, thank you. Our dog, thanks to you. Our relatives, thank you.
BRANT MILLER: Thank you.
ANNA WEGGEL: This is the way, the truth, and the life.
MOLLY BLOOM: So Ariel, was there a moment that really sealed the deal for the Tooth Fairy?
ARIEL: The closing remarks.
MOLLY BLOOM: The Final 6?
BRANT MILLER: Your Final 6 was great.
MOLLY BLOOM: It was-- got right to the point.
BRANT MILLER: The rhyme.
ANNA WEGGEL: Oh, my gosh, Brant, I knew like even though I knew this was what was going to happen, I was so proud of you for trying. And it was so sweet to watch you come on here and do you your best, little buddy. I just love watching you you're so talented. You set up a whole scene, a fun diner situation. I listened to that like I was watching a movie. It was so fun to learn more about the Sandman, which I really didn't know that much about him.
And as a person that has horrific nightmares, I wish he would come see me more often, honestly.
BRANT MILLER: This is true. Anna has the most nightmares of anyone.
ANNA WEGGEL: And what do you say to me when you take off your CPAP?
BRANT MILLER: I do?
[LAUGHTER]
TMI.
ANNA WEGGEL: You lean in-- TMI. You lean in, and you say, you're safe. You're safe. So really, like you're my Sandman.
MOLLY BLOOM: Aw.
ANNA WEGGEL: I know.
MOLLY BLOOM: So sweet.
ANNA WEGGEL: And I'm your Tooth Fairy when I take your teeth out.
[LAUGHTER]
BRANT MILLER: Well I think your DOG was the definition of greatness. It's really good, really, really well-done. I really liked it. And you're just so funny. I live with the funniest person. I'm the luckiest.
MOLLY BLOOM: Guys, this is too sweet.
BRANT MILLER: Too sweet!
MOLLY BLOOM: We love it. We love it. Well, that is it for today's debate battle. Ariel crown Tooth Fairy the Smash Best. But what about you?
ARIEL: Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
ANNA WEGGEL: It's produced by-- [LISTING HONOR ROLL]
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from [LISTING HONOR ROLL].
BRANT MILLER: Our editors are [LISTING HONOR ROLL].
ANNA WEGGEL: And we had production help from [LISTING HONOR ROLL].
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is [LISTING HONOR ROLL].
Our announcer is [LISTING HONOR ROLL]. Brant, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
BRANT MILLER: Yes, the last time I was on Smash Boom Best which was farting versus sneezing, I forgot to give a shout out to my wife. I know this is getting a little-- my teeth are starting to hurt because this is like too sweet, but I like forgot to give a shout out to her, Anna is a super human being who is the best. So shout out to Anna Weggel who is incredible.
ANNA WEGGEL: Thank you so much.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh. Now Anna, any special shoutouts you want to give?
ANNA WEGGEL: In return, I would like to give a big adorable shout out to my daughter Luna.
[LAUGHTER]
BRANT MILLER: She deserves it.
ANNA WEGGEL: She just turned two years old, and I hope she gets to listen to this someday and just know how wonderful her mommy is.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: And Ariel, do you want to give any special thanks?
ARIEL: Sure. I'll shout out to my cat, because she was being really cute this morning.
MOLLY BLOOM: So what is her name?
ARIEL: Her name is Kara. She's a calico. Well before we go, let's check in with Eloise and see who she thinks should win her bagels versus baguettes debate.
ELOISE: I think bagels would win, because they're basically salty donuts. And I love donuts. And they come in so many different flavors, even blueberry, whereas baguettes come in few options.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have an idea for a knock down drag out debate? Head to smashboom.org and tell us about it. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week. Bye, bye!
BRANT MILLER: Sweet dreams!
[THEME MUSIC] It's Smash Boom Best. It's Smash Boom Best.
Transcription services provided by 3Play Media.
