Today’s debate is a fantastic face-off between a relaxed rodent and a raging reptile. We’ve got a cuddly meme, and a hissing, hunting machine! It’s Capybaras vs. Komodo Dragons! Brains On producer and archaeologist Anna Goldfield reps the captivating Capybaras, while writer, actor and comedian Duck Washington defends team Komodo Dragons! Which creature will be crowned the Smash Boom Best?
Vote below for the team YOU think won!
Also…do you have your Smarty Pass yet? Get yours today for just $4/month (or $36/year) and get bonus episodes every month, and ad-free versions of every episode of Brains On, Smash Boom Best, Moment of Um and Forever Ago. Visit www.smartypass.org to get your Smarty Pass today. As an added bonus, your Smarty Pass will grant you access to a super special debate starring Sanden and Molly!
Audio Transcript
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ANNOUNCER 1: From the brains behind Brains On!, it's Smash, Boom, Best.
ANNOUNCER 2: The show for people with big opinions.
[THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi. I'm Molly Bloom and this is Smash, Boom, Best. The show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best.
Today's debate is a fantastic face-off between a relaxed rodent and a raging reptile. We've got a cuddly meme and a hissing, hunting machine. It's capybaras versus Komodo dragons.
In one corner, it's Brains On producer, archaeologist, and snack enthusiast Anna Goldfield, here to rep the captivating capybaras.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Hey, hey. We are setting the capy-bar high today.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: It's up there. It's so far up there.
MOLLY BLOOM: And in the other corner, it's writer, actor, and comedian Duck Washington here to defend team Komodo dragons.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Hey, yo. Let's go, Komodo.
[LAUGHING]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh no.
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Asuka from New York, New York. Asuka loves dark chocolate, museums, and linguistics, and once had a dog, fish, and plant all with the name Hunter. Hello, Asuka. Welcome.
ASUKA: Hi, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: So why so many things named Hunter?
ASUKA: We Adopted a dog, a hot-dog dog, like, a dachshund, and he came with the name Hunter.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK.
ANNOUNCER 1: And we're not very creative, so the other two just tagged on. Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: So you just started college. What are you studying?
ASUKA: I'm studying a variety of things. I'm definitely considering going towards a linguistics route, a computation linguistics route, which is what I researched in high school a lot. I also did a lot of astrophysics research in high school So that's a possibility too. And I'm really interested in educational policy. So who really knows? We don't have to declare right now.
MOLLY BLOOM: So amazing. Do you have any advice for our debaters today? Go big or go home obviously be dramatic and be brutal don't hold back
DUCK WASHINGTON: Gloves are coming off.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Getting ready.
ASUKA: I want to hear the punches.
MOLLY BLOOM: So will ask a side with charming capybaras or cunning Komodo dragons? Only time will tell. Asuka, are you ready to judge today's debate?
ASUKA: Oh, yeah. So ready.
MOLLY BLOOM: Before we dive in, let's review the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds of argumentation. The Declaration of Greatness, The Micro Round, The Sneak Attack, and The Final Six.
After each round, our judge Asuka will award points to the team that impresses her the most, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. Anna, Duck, and Asuka, are you ready?
DUCK WASHINGTON: I'm ready.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Let's go.
ASUKA: Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the--
ANNOUNCER 1: Declaration of Greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their sides. Then, they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Anna, you're up first. Tell us why capybaras are the coolest, no cap.
[ROCK MUSIC]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Normally, when I get ready for a debate, I get fired up, I get jazzed, and, I'm not going to lie, I get pretty nervous, so I pump up my music and give myself a pep talk in the mirror. You got this, me.
But today I can take it easy.
[CALM GUITAR MUSIC]
I'm going to take a life lesson from these regal, radically relaxed rodents and chill. I'm here to tell you why capybaras are the best, and it's the easiest job I've ever had.
At first, it might seem like capybaras are total divas. They're the world's largest rodents, so already top of their class. They're choosy about their food, usually only eating specific types of grasses.
[LOUD CRUNCHING]
And they're super athletes too. They can swim like champs--
[WATER SPLASHING]
--and they can run up to 22 miles an hour to escape predators.
[FAST-PACED FOOTSTEPS]
It's like the rodent version of a celebrity chef, an Olympic athlete, and a TV star all rolled into one. With such a killer combo of abilities, you'd think they'd be high maintenance nightmares, but capybara are the exact opposite of divas. They're some of the most relaxed animals on the planet. They're so chill they can even sleep in the water, floating like the cutest little log you ever did see.
Did I mention that capybaras are adorable? They have sweet little faces and cuddly bodies like a walking teddy bear. Maybe that's why people have been obsessed with capybaras for more than a century. They've been media sensations since 1886, when one of the world's first stop motion films showed a capybara walking around a zoo.
And now, they're having a moment all thanks to social media. There are capybara memes, capybaras with their own TikTok accounts, and this bop of a capybara song.
[HABITUALLY HENRY, "THE CAPYBARA SONG"] (SINGING) Capybara. Capybara. Capybara, capybara, capybara, capybara. Capybara. Capybara. Capybara, capybara, capybara, capybara. Capybara.
There are even capybara cafes in Japan, where you can sip tea and eat treats while scratching a capybara behind its ears. Oh, cute, cute, cute. Mm. Can you imagine a Komodo dragon cafe though? Oh.
[BELL DINGS, DOOR CREAKS]
Welcome to Komodo cafe, where there's a super fun risk with every sip. You can take the table by the window, next to Big Steve. He's sleeping now, so he probably won't bite you if you sit nice and still.
[LOUD SNORING]
He what? Uh, sorry. I got to go. I-- I just can't enjoy my coffee with a bunch of huge, predatory reptiles looking at me like I'm a buttery little croissant.
[HURRIED FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES, DOOR CLOSES]
Ha. Komodo? More like a Komo-don't. But here's why capybaras are true icons. They're friends to everyone.
[EASY LISTENING MUSIC]
They're so calm and relaxed in the wild that other animals like birds come and sit with them or even on them. And unlike Komodo dragons who literally eat each other, capybaras are all about family and community.
If times are tough, like if there's a drought and food is hard to find, they band together into big groups sometimes up to 100. And when baby capybaras are born, they're in excellent paws. A hungry baby can be fed by any nursing female. Not just its mom.
Also, also, have you seen a baby capybara?
[MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS]
What?
[TAPE SLOWS AND STOPS]
Pause this episode right now and look up a picture.
[CLOCK TICKING]
OK. Are you back? Are you filled with baby capybara joy? I know, right?
[RECORD SCRATCHES]
[EASY LISTENING MUSIC]
We should all take a little life lesson from the capybara. Enjoy the quiet moments. Close your eyes and imagine you're as relaxed and happy as a capybara snoozing while floating in a pond.
[WATER SLOSHING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my goodness. An adorable declaration for the caring, cuddly, cute capybaras. Asuka, what stood out to you about Anna's declaration of greatness?
ASUKA: Wow. I think first of all, I thought it was really interesting how I shouldn't let the chill demeanor fool me at all. Them being athletic is really a strong suit. Their ability to run 22 miles per hour, that was really surprising to me. Although, I will say I have been to a capybara cafe when I was in Taiwan, and it was really fun, but in a way, I think it felt a little bit boring.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Yeah.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: [LAUGHS]
ASUKA: So the Komodo dragon cafe actually seems like it might be a fun thrill. But I do like how friendly and community oriented they are, which is really great. And I did pause and look up baby capybara pictures, and it was indeed-- the visuals did something, I will just say.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hmm. Excellent. Well, Duck it is time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to crush capybaras. And your time starts now.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Do you know what they call capybaras in Komodo?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: [LAUGHS]
DUCK WASHINGTON: They call them lunch.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh.
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's what they call them because they're the bottom of the food chain. They get eaten by everything.
There's some wording things I think could have been changed. The word relaxed, I think you could very easily trade out for lazy. When you talk about them being the largest rodent, I don't know that that's an impressive feat. You know, rodents tend to get less appealing--
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
DUCK WASHINGTON: --as they get larger, like rats.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nicely done.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I mean, it's a little speciesist, but that's OK. I mean, that's fine. I mean, we can brand an entire family of organisms with the stamp of being unappealing. It seems like a little bit like the lizard calling the capybara unappealing-- you know? Just like--
[LAUGHING]
--come on.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. It's your turn, Duck. Tell us why Komodo dragons are champions.
[FANTASY MUSIC]
[HORSE GALLOPING]
SIR TIN: Hello there. My name is Sir Tin, the glamorous knight. And this is my horse Peggy.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
We're in Indonesia because we're in search of a dragon. It has massive claws, nasty venom, and a long, scaly tail. Isn't that right, Peggy?
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[LEAVES RUSTLING]
Egads. There it is. The fearsome dragon.
REGGIE: [CHUCKLES] I'm a Komodo dragon, not a real dragon. Those are just in fairy tales. I-- I'm a very real, totally epic lizard, though. The name's Reggie. What's yours?
SIR TIN: I am Sir Tin. And this enormous sword is for slaying dragons like you.
[METAL SCRAPING]
REGGIE: I already told you I'm not a dragon. Plus, listen to my hiss. [HISSES] Have you heard of a hiss that cool?
SIR TIN: Ugh, stop trying to distract me with your awesome hiss. Every time I try to slay one of you dragons, you come up with some excuse.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Wow, it seems to me that Sir Tin is not a very good listener. But in his defense, Komodo dragons do kind of look like dragons. Actually, with their nearly 300-pound, 10-foot-long scaly bodies, their ferocious claws, and incredible jaws, they look more like dinosaurs. Or at least a smaller, more compact dinosaur.
REGGIE: Hey, I'm not small. I'm just low to the ground, like a very expensive sports car.
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's fair. And on the surface, Komodo dragons have a few things in common with dinosaurs. For one thing, they have about 60 serrated teeth just like a T-Rex. But unlike the T-Rex, the Komodo dragon doesn't use its powerful teeth to rip its prey to shreds. Instead, its bites are full of venom that slowly kills their food.
PEGGY: [WHINNIES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Right, Peggy, it's not a dinosaur, it's a lizard, the world's largest lizard.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
Komodos are apex predators, which means they're top-tier hunters. They eat everything, insects, small rodents giant water buffalo, and even other Komodo dragons. They can eat a lot, up to 80% of their body weight in one sitting. And they like to hunt in a particular way by ambushing their prey. While some predators will run around and attack you, Komodo dragons are sneaky. They hide in bushes and trees and even in the water waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
TOD: Hey, Tony, did you hear something?
TONY: Well, Tod, seeing as I'm a water buffalo, the only thing I heard was the water. Now hurry up. I'm thirsty.
TOD: Huh, I guess I was just being paranoid.
[RUSTLING]
[GASPS] It's a Komodo dragon! Run! Run! Run!
[WATER SPLASHING]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Now you might think the size and fierceness of the Komodo dragon would make people fear it, but you would be wrong. People are fascinated with these reptilian heavyweights.
TOURIST: Oh, my gosh, is that a Komodo dragon? Theodore, dear, I want one for my very own. Just imagine, we'll be the talk of the neighborhood.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Um, ma'am, Komodo dragons are protected, so that's actually illegal. But you can find Komodo dragons in zoos all over the world. You can also go to Komodo National Park in Indonesia to check them out with a gaggle of other Komodo dragon fans.
THEODORE: Darling, take a picture of me waving at the Komodo dragon. Uh, cheese.
[CAMERA FLASHES]
[CHUCKLES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's right. There are Komodo dragon tourists. These tourists fly from all over to see these incredibly rare creatures. And believe me, they are rare.
There are only about 1,300 adult Komodo dragons left in the wild. I mean, with its super powerful, awesome hunting powers, its mysterious history, and its incredible rarity, I think it's fair to say a lot of people are looking to see the Komodo dragon.
PEGGY: [WHINNIES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: See the dragon, not slay.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES] A wonderful declaration for the elusive, mysterious, and powerful Komodo dragon. Oska, what stood out to you about Duck's Declaration of Greatness?
SPEAKER: First of all, wow! Sir Tin's dramatics blew me out of the water. That was actually amazing. The hiss, though, from Reggie, seemed a little mediocre and ubiquitous if I would say so myself.
A little egotistical, but, you know, it's all good. It's all fun and games. I do love how Komodo dragons are the apex predator. I'm not going to root for the underdog today, I'm going to root for the winning one.
And the ambush tactic is also really interesting. The sneaky aspect, I really am excited for. And patience is a virtue, you know, and something that I could definitely learn from them, which is really great.
I don't love how they're not community-oriented. They do eat each other. And I've got to have to wait to see how I will feel about that. But its rarity is definitely something that's interesting. And I'm excited to learn more about that aspect as well.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent, judging Oska. Well, Anna, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to convince us why Komodo dragons are a "drag-on." And your time starts now.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: All right, you say ambush predator, slow-acting venom. I say inefficient kills. Could do better. They're omnivores, OK, cool, they can eat anything they want. Capybaras are selective. And you got to hand it to someone who knows exactly what they want when they want it. And there are Komodo dragon tourists, that's awesome. To each their own. Everybody gets one weird hobby. And so, I think that, sure, you can like a Komodo dragon, but that's on you.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time. [CHUCKLES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Selective eaters? They eat their own poo those capybaras do.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I mean, why waste?
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Oska, it is time to award some points here. So please, give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you liked best. And one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one team's jokes make you giggle?
Was another team's logic to die for? Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Both points could go to the same person. Or each person could get a point. It's entirely up to you and entirely subjective. Have you made your decision?
SPEAKER: Yes, I have.
[BELL RINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Duck and Anna, how are you two feeling so far?
DUCK WASHINGTON: Feeling all right. Feeling like there's good competition. I appreciate it, but I feel confident.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm, I feel powerful. I feel pretty incredible. It might be the coffee kicking in.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES] Perfect time for the coffee to kick in. It's time for a quick break. Hop on an alligator's back or have a hissing fit.
SPEAKER: Because we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: You're listening to "State of Debate," home to rage and rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TODD DOUGLAS: Hey, debate heads. Todd Douglas here with my pal Taylor Lincoln.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What's new, my argument amigo?
TODD DOUGLAS: What's new is I just saw a big-time logical fallacy at the baseball field.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ooh! A logical fallacy is a debate mistake that makes an argument super easy to defeat.
TODD DOUGLAS: That's right. And the fallacy I saw was the slippery slope fallacy. That's when you say a small action will result in a big Earth-shattering outcome. It's an exaggeration to the max.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ooh, let's grab some peanuts and cracker jacks and watch this debate no-no.
[WHIRRING]
[THWACK]
[CROWD CHEERS]
COUCH: Ha, listen, Andrew, you're up to bat next, and I need you to hit a home run.
ANDREW: I'll try my best, Coach.
COUCH: You better because if you don't, then we won't score. And if we don't score, then we'll lose. And if we lose, I'll be out of a job. And if I'm out of a job, then I'll have to work at the zoo. And if I work at the zoo, the prairie dogs there will straight up eat me alive!
ANDREW: That seems like an overreaction.
[BUZZER]
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Whoa, that got real intense real fast.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Woo, it certainly did. He made it sound like not hitting a home run in the game would result in prairie dogs eating him alive.
TODD DOUGLAS: Prairie dogs are our friends and definitely don't eat baseball coaches. But more importantly, that's a whopper of a logical fallacy. It's totally absurd to think that missing one point is the difference between life and death.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: I'll say. Woo, all this baseball talk is making me thirsty.
TODD DOUGLAS: I think it's all the peanuts and cracker jacks you've been eating. We're off to get some lemonade. Catch you next time on--
TOD AND TAYLOR: --"State of Debate."
[THEME MUSIC]
[FUNKY MUSIC]
SPEAKER: Best.
SPEAKER: Boom.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash. Smash.
SPEAKER: Boom.
SPEAKER: Best.
[THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
SPEAKER: And I'm your judge, Oska.
MOLLY BLOOM: We love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this super debate idea from Alynis.
CHILD: My idea for a debate is Team Sonic versus the Avengers.
SPEAKER: What a super speedy idea.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Alynis at the end of this episode to see which side he thinks should win.
SPEAKER: And now it's back to today's debate, capybaras versus Komodo dragons.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
[AUDIO SPEEDING UP]
ANNOUNCER: --M-- M-- Micro Round.
[BELL RINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: For the Micro Round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. Anna and Duck's prompt was "Sonnet Slam." For this challenge, we asked them to write a sonnet showcasing their side's best qualities in the style of William Shakespeare. Anna went first last time, so Duck, you're up. Let's hear your Komodo poem.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Betwixt the islands of Indonesia, a reptilian marvel roams the shores. Using its tongue is how it doth see. Your tempting scent is what it's licking towards.
Apex predator of domination. It's the largest lizard stalking the Earth. Its venom ceases coagulation but weighs only ounces upon its birth. This creature doth not breathe scorching fire.
It flaps no leathery wings to take flight. So leaveth home your best metal attire, for this dragon need not be slain by knight. This giant's moniker is Komodo. A name so glorious you must say whoa.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mmm, very wonderful. I felt like I was in Stratford-upon-Avon watching a Shakespeare production. Oh, my gosh, amazing. All right, Anna, now it's your turn. Let's hear you wax poetic for these chill rodents.
[SERENE MUSIC]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Upon a jungle's sunny riverbank, a gently dozing capybara lies. A rodent at the top of nature's ranks, possessed of silken hair and sparkling eyes. Oh, gentle giants, capybaras fair, who roam the meadows in harmonious groups, while munching tender grass without a care. And pooping little capybara poops.
[POPPING]
Beloved by the universe it seems, with friends of other species far and wide. A capybara lives a life of dreams, poise, and serenity personified. Away with you, Komodo dragons vile. 'Tis capybaras making the world smile.
[TWINKLE]
MOLLY BLOOM: [SIGHS] Another wonderful example of a sonnet. A capybara. My kingdom for a capybara. All right, Oska, what did you like about Anna and Duck's sonnets?
SPEAKER: Wow, very different vibes. Not what I was expecting. I don't know, Duck's seemed a little bit too intense for a sonnet. But I really like Anna's vibe of the sonnet, which was really amazing.
It felt more on the historical sonnets, more romantic in a way, very on-brand. I will give them that. The last line really stuck with me. The rhyme scheme with the smile at the end.
That just really gave me a good final touch. Showed me a good picture of it floating on the water with friends. It's not alone. Doesn't do too well in solitude, which is interesting.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, a lot to chew over, but it's time to award a point. Don't tell us who it's going to. The criteria are completely up to you. Did someone impress you with their rhymes, impress you with the facts they worked in?
Was the vibe good? Who can you picture wearing a ruff? That is the real question today. All right, have you made your decision?
SPEAKER: Yes.
[BELL RINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third round, the super stealthy--
MEN: Ha ha hoo ha!
ANNOUNCER: --Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's Sneak Attack is called, "Alpha Facts." For this challenge, we want you to come up with facts about your side going through the letters of the alphabet.
So the first fact that you're going to say should start with an A. The second should start with a B. You'll have a minute together to go back and forth sharing your alpha facts. Does this make sense?
ANNA AND DUCK: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, so Anna, we're going to start with you. You have A.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: And the one minute starts now.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Athletic little rodents.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Biggest lizard on Earth.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Chill dudes.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Dominant species.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Excellent parents.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Freaking cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Grass, delicious.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Hissing giant.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I really like them.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Just about the best animal there is.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Kicks Komodo dragon butt.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: These are facts.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Licks capybaras face.
MOLLY BLOOM: Facts, you guys, facts.
[LAUGHTER]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm, most big rodent.
MOLLY BLOOM: [GIGGLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: [CHUCKLES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Never eaten by a jaguar, like a capybara.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm, obviously, they're really great at swimming.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
[LAUGHTER]
Nicely done. We got all the way to O. So good. All right, so now Oska, we need you to award a point for this round. Again, the criteria are completely up to you. Which side impressed you the most with their facts? Who was quicker on the draw? Who knew the alphabet? It's up to you.
[LAUGHTER]
Have you made your decision?
SPEAKER: Yes. I'm not sure if facts is the word I would use, but--
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's fair.
SPEAKER: --anecdotes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fair.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: That's fair.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very fair.
[BELL RINGS]
All right, it's time for our final round--
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
ANNOUNCER: --the Final Six.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Duck, let's hear your six words to solidify stellar Komodo dragons.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Capybaras, lunch combo meal Komodos eat.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm.
SPEAKER: Wow.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Whoa, OK, I loved it.
SPEAKER: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: I loved it. All right, Anna, it's your turn. Tell us why capybaras are king in just six words.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: [CLEARS THROAT] Capybaras, community creatures. Komodos, stressful neighbors.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hm.
SPEAKER: Hm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very interesting. All right, Oska, it is time to award a final point for this Final Six. Have you awarded it?
SPEAKER: Yes, I have.
[BELL RINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, tally up those points. Are you ready to crown one team the smash boom best?
SPEAKER: Yes, I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, drum roll, please.
[DRUM ROLL]
And the winner is--
SPEAKER: --Komodo dragons!
DUCK WASHINGTON: Yeah!
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Wow.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, my goodness!
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Well played.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Oska, was there a moment that decided things for you?
SPEAKER: It was a bit of a volley back and forth.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm.
SPEAKER: I will say, I did come in with a little bit of recency bias at the beginning for Duck did give his arguments later on and it stayed in my head for a little bit longer.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm, OK, interesting.
SPEAKER: However, I was able to overcome that and justify it when it really came up to the Sneak Attack and the Final Six. I felt that Anna, you got a little bit repetitive at some point with that community-oriented mission that capybaras have.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER: It seems like that's the only thing that was really going for them.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm, so it sounds like it was close, though.
SPEAKER: It was really close because both sides have their themes in terms of what they're really going for. But it just seems like there were a bit more variety on the Komodo dragon's end.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Well, excellent judging. Thank you so much, Oska.
SPEAKER: Thank you.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Anna, I really was amazed with how well you stood behind the capybaras and really painted them as these really mystical, loving, adorable creatures, which they are. I love capybaras in reality, even though I do love Komodo dragons more. But you had me on the ropes a little bit. I thought your sonnet was absolutely fantastic.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, thank you so much. And, Duck, fair play. Absolutely, killer round. And as you said, in reality, I like Komodo dragons, too. I think they're awesome. I respect them. I think I'd like to keep our relationship long distance--
[LAUGHTER]
--but I really think Komodo dragons are really, really cool. And it was really fun trying to keep up with such an improv master. So I do know the alphabet for the record.
[LAUGHTER]
SPEAKER: Wow.
MOLLY BLOOM: We know you do, Anna. We know you do.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I have it printed out right above my desk, so I can look at it.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. And capybaras are my new phone wallpaper. They are--
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Aw.
SPEAKER: Wow!
MOLLY BLOOM: --adorable.
SPEAKER: Keeping up with the trends.
MOLLY BLOOM: I know. I'm just a trend follower. What can I say?
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's "capy-barrasing."
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
[THEME MUSIC]
Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Oska crowned Komodo dragons the smash boom best, but what about you?
SPEAKER: Head to SmashBoom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On! and APM Studios.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rosie DuPont, Ruby Guthrie, Anna Weggel, and Aron Woldeslassie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Ryan McAvoy and Alex Simpson. With sound design by Rachel Brees.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And we had production help from Lou Baron and Marc Sanchez.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Perlman. And the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerweker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Molly Quinlan Artwick, Brant Miller, Austin Cross, and Taylor Kaufman. Anna, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout-out to today?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I would like to give a shout-out to TikTok for just populating everyone's minds with capybaras. I look forward to Komodo dragons having their day on TikTok.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES] How about you, Duck? Any shout-outs or thanks?
DUCK WASHINGTON: Well, first I want to say that they might not be on TikTok, but Komodo dragons did star in a movie called "The Freshmen" with Marlon Brando. So I think they're doing all right.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Oska, any thanks or shout-outs?
SPEAKER: Yeah, I really want to thank my notebook for helping me keep track of the speedy debate. And also, zoos everywhere for keeping our Komodo dragons, first of all, away from us and far away from extinction as well.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Well, before we go, let's check in with Alynis and see who he thinks should win his Sonic versus Avengers debate.
CHILD: I think that team Sonic would win because they can make their own energy. Also, they always defeat Eggman.
MOLLY BLOOM: "Egg-celent" point. If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knock-down drag-out debate, head to SmashBoom.org and drop us a line. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week. Bye-bye.
SPEAKER: Bye.
DUCK WASHINGTON: See you later, alligator.
(SINGING) Ooh, you're the smash boom best. Ooh, put you through the test. Ooh, you're the smash, boom best. Ooh, better than the rest. It's the Smash Boom Best. It's the Smash Boom Best.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Getting that wagon, Komodo dragon.
[LAUGHTER]
ANNOUNCER 2: The show for people with big opinions.
[THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi. I'm Molly Bloom and this is Smash, Boom, Best. The show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best.
Today's debate is a fantastic face-off between a relaxed rodent and a raging reptile. We've got a cuddly meme and a hissing, hunting machine. It's capybaras versus Komodo dragons.
In one corner, it's Brains On producer, archaeologist, and snack enthusiast Anna Goldfield, here to rep the captivating capybaras.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Hey, hey. We are setting the capy-bar high today.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: It's up there. It's so far up there.
MOLLY BLOOM: And in the other corner, it's writer, actor, and comedian Duck Washington here to defend team Komodo dragons.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Hey, yo. Let's go, Komodo.
[LAUGHING]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh no.
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Asuka from New York, New York. Asuka loves dark chocolate, museums, and linguistics, and once had a dog, fish, and plant all with the name Hunter. Hello, Asuka. Welcome.
ASUKA: Hi, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: So why so many things named Hunter?
ASUKA: We Adopted a dog, a hot-dog dog, like, a dachshund, and he came with the name Hunter.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK.
ANNOUNCER 1: And we're not very creative, so the other two just tagged on. Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: So you just started college. What are you studying?
ASUKA: I'm studying a variety of things. I'm definitely considering going towards a linguistics route, a computation linguistics route, which is what I researched in high school a lot. I also did a lot of astrophysics research in high school So that's a possibility too. And I'm really interested in educational policy. So who really knows? We don't have to declare right now.
MOLLY BLOOM: So amazing. Do you have any advice for our debaters today? Go big or go home obviously be dramatic and be brutal don't hold back
DUCK WASHINGTON: Gloves are coming off.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Getting ready.
ASUKA: I want to hear the punches.
MOLLY BLOOM: So will ask a side with charming capybaras or cunning Komodo dragons? Only time will tell. Asuka, are you ready to judge today's debate?
ASUKA: Oh, yeah. So ready.
MOLLY BLOOM: Before we dive in, let's review the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds of argumentation. The Declaration of Greatness, The Micro Round, The Sneak Attack, and The Final Six.
After each round, our judge Asuka will award points to the team that impresses her the most, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. Anna, Duck, and Asuka, are you ready?
DUCK WASHINGTON: I'm ready.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Let's go.
ASUKA: Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the--
ANNOUNCER 1: Declaration of Greatness.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their sides. Then, they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Anna, you're up first. Tell us why capybaras are the coolest, no cap.
[ROCK MUSIC]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Normally, when I get ready for a debate, I get fired up, I get jazzed, and, I'm not going to lie, I get pretty nervous, so I pump up my music and give myself a pep talk in the mirror. You got this, me.
But today I can take it easy.
[CALM GUITAR MUSIC]
I'm going to take a life lesson from these regal, radically relaxed rodents and chill. I'm here to tell you why capybaras are the best, and it's the easiest job I've ever had.
At first, it might seem like capybaras are total divas. They're the world's largest rodents, so already top of their class. They're choosy about their food, usually only eating specific types of grasses.
[LOUD CRUNCHING]
And they're super athletes too. They can swim like champs--
[WATER SPLASHING]
--and they can run up to 22 miles an hour to escape predators.
[FAST-PACED FOOTSTEPS]
It's like the rodent version of a celebrity chef, an Olympic athlete, and a TV star all rolled into one. With such a killer combo of abilities, you'd think they'd be high maintenance nightmares, but capybara are the exact opposite of divas. They're some of the most relaxed animals on the planet. They're so chill they can even sleep in the water, floating like the cutest little log you ever did see.
Did I mention that capybaras are adorable? They have sweet little faces and cuddly bodies like a walking teddy bear. Maybe that's why people have been obsessed with capybaras for more than a century. They've been media sensations since 1886, when one of the world's first stop motion films showed a capybara walking around a zoo.
And now, they're having a moment all thanks to social media. There are capybara memes, capybaras with their own TikTok accounts, and this bop of a capybara song.
[HABITUALLY HENRY, "THE CAPYBARA SONG"] (SINGING) Capybara. Capybara. Capybara, capybara, capybara, capybara. Capybara. Capybara. Capybara, capybara, capybara, capybara. Capybara.
There are even capybara cafes in Japan, where you can sip tea and eat treats while scratching a capybara behind its ears. Oh, cute, cute, cute. Mm. Can you imagine a Komodo dragon cafe though? Oh.
[BELL DINGS, DOOR CREAKS]
Welcome to Komodo cafe, where there's a super fun risk with every sip. You can take the table by the window, next to Big Steve. He's sleeping now, so he probably won't bite you if you sit nice and still.
[LOUD SNORING]
He what? Uh, sorry. I got to go. I-- I just can't enjoy my coffee with a bunch of huge, predatory reptiles looking at me like I'm a buttery little croissant.
[HURRIED FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES, DOOR CLOSES]
Ha. Komodo? More like a Komo-don't. But here's why capybaras are true icons. They're friends to everyone.
[EASY LISTENING MUSIC]
They're so calm and relaxed in the wild that other animals like birds come and sit with them or even on them. And unlike Komodo dragons who literally eat each other, capybaras are all about family and community.
If times are tough, like if there's a drought and food is hard to find, they band together into big groups sometimes up to 100. And when baby capybaras are born, they're in excellent paws. A hungry baby can be fed by any nursing female. Not just its mom.
Also, also, have you seen a baby capybara?
[MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS]
What?
[TAPE SLOWS AND STOPS]
Pause this episode right now and look up a picture.
[CLOCK TICKING]
OK. Are you back? Are you filled with baby capybara joy? I know, right?
[RECORD SCRATCHES]
[EASY LISTENING MUSIC]
We should all take a little life lesson from the capybara. Enjoy the quiet moments. Close your eyes and imagine you're as relaxed and happy as a capybara snoozing while floating in a pond.
[WATER SLOSHING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my goodness. An adorable declaration for the caring, cuddly, cute capybaras. Asuka, what stood out to you about Anna's declaration of greatness?
ASUKA: Wow. I think first of all, I thought it was really interesting how I shouldn't let the chill demeanor fool me at all. Them being athletic is really a strong suit. Their ability to run 22 miles per hour, that was really surprising to me. Although, I will say I have been to a capybara cafe when I was in Taiwan, and it was really fun, but in a way, I think it felt a little bit boring.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Yeah.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: [LAUGHS]
ASUKA: So the Komodo dragon cafe actually seems like it might be a fun thrill. But I do like how friendly and community oriented they are, which is really great. And I did pause and look up baby capybara pictures, and it was indeed-- the visuals did something, I will just say.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hmm. Excellent. Well, Duck it is time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to crush capybaras. And your time starts now.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Do you know what they call capybaras in Komodo?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: [LAUGHS]
DUCK WASHINGTON: They call them lunch.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh.
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's what they call them because they're the bottom of the food chain. They get eaten by everything.
There's some wording things I think could have been changed. The word relaxed, I think you could very easily trade out for lazy. When you talk about them being the largest rodent, I don't know that that's an impressive feat. You know, rodents tend to get less appealing--
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
DUCK WASHINGTON: --as they get larger, like rats.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very nicely done.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I mean, it's a little speciesist, but that's OK. I mean, that's fine. I mean, we can brand an entire family of organisms with the stamp of being unappealing. It seems like a little bit like the lizard calling the capybara unappealing-- you know? Just like--
[LAUGHING]
--come on.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. It's your turn, Duck. Tell us why Komodo dragons are champions.
[FANTASY MUSIC]
[HORSE GALLOPING]
SIR TIN: Hello there. My name is Sir Tin, the glamorous knight. And this is my horse Peggy.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
We're in Indonesia because we're in search of a dragon. It has massive claws, nasty venom, and a long, scaly tail. Isn't that right, Peggy?
[HORSE NEIGHS]
[LEAVES RUSTLING]
Egads. There it is. The fearsome dragon.
REGGIE: [CHUCKLES] I'm a Komodo dragon, not a real dragon. Those are just in fairy tales. I-- I'm a very real, totally epic lizard, though. The name's Reggie. What's yours?
SIR TIN: I am Sir Tin. And this enormous sword is for slaying dragons like you.
[METAL SCRAPING]
REGGIE: I already told you I'm not a dragon. Plus, listen to my hiss. [HISSES] Have you heard of a hiss that cool?
SIR TIN: Ugh, stop trying to distract me with your awesome hiss. Every time I try to slay one of you dragons, you come up with some excuse.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Wow, it seems to me that Sir Tin is not a very good listener. But in his defense, Komodo dragons do kind of look like dragons. Actually, with their nearly 300-pound, 10-foot-long scaly bodies, their ferocious claws, and incredible jaws, they look more like dinosaurs. Or at least a smaller, more compact dinosaur.
REGGIE: Hey, I'm not small. I'm just low to the ground, like a very expensive sports car.
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's fair. And on the surface, Komodo dragons have a few things in common with dinosaurs. For one thing, they have about 60 serrated teeth just like a T-Rex. But unlike the T-Rex, the Komodo dragon doesn't use its powerful teeth to rip its prey to shreds. Instead, its bites are full of venom that slowly kills their food.
PEGGY: [WHINNIES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Right, Peggy, it's not a dinosaur, it's a lizard, the world's largest lizard.
[FUNKY MUSIC]
Komodos are apex predators, which means they're top-tier hunters. They eat everything, insects, small rodents giant water buffalo, and even other Komodo dragons. They can eat a lot, up to 80% of their body weight in one sitting. And they like to hunt in a particular way by ambushing their prey. While some predators will run around and attack you, Komodo dragons are sneaky. They hide in bushes and trees and even in the water waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
TOD: Hey, Tony, did you hear something?
TONY: Well, Tod, seeing as I'm a water buffalo, the only thing I heard was the water. Now hurry up. I'm thirsty.
TOD: Huh, I guess I was just being paranoid.
[RUSTLING]
[GASPS] It's a Komodo dragon! Run! Run! Run!
[WATER SPLASHING]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Now you might think the size and fierceness of the Komodo dragon would make people fear it, but you would be wrong. People are fascinated with these reptilian heavyweights.
TOURIST: Oh, my gosh, is that a Komodo dragon? Theodore, dear, I want one for my very own. Just imagine, we'll be the talk of the neighborhood.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Um, ma'am, Komodo dragons are protected, so that's actually illegal. But you can find Komodo dragons in zoos all over the world. You can also go to Komodo National Park in Indonesia to check them out with a gaggle of other Komodo dragon fans.
THEODORE: Darling, take a picture of me waving at the Komodo dragon. Uh, cheese.
[CAMERA FLASHES]
[CHUCKLES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's right. There are Komodo dragon tourists. These tourists fly from all over to see these incredibly rare creatures. And believe me, they are rare.
There are only about 1,300 adult Komodo dragons left in the wild. I mean, with its super powerful, awesome hunting powers, its mysterious history, and its incredible rarity, I think it's fair to say a lot of people are looking to see the Komodo dragon.
PEGGY: [WHINNIES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: See the dragon, not slay.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES] A wonderful declaration for the elusive, mysterious, and powerful Komodo dragon. Oska, what stood out to you about Duck's Declaration of Greatness?
SPEAKER: First of all, wow! Sir Tin's dramatics blew me out of the water. That was actually amazing. The hiss, though, from Reggie, seemed a little mediocre and ubiquitous if I would say so myself.
A little egotistical, but, you know, it's all good. It's all fun and games. I do love how Komodo dragons are the apex predator. I'm not going to root for the underdog today, I'm going to root for the winning one.
And the ambush tactic is also really interesting. The sneaky aspect, I really am excited for. And patience is a virtue, you know, and something that I could definitely learn from them, which is really great.
I don't love how they're not community-oriented. They do eat each other. And I've got to have to wait to see how I will feel about that. But its rarity is definitely something that's interesting. And I'm excited to learn more about that aspect as well.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent, judging Oska. Well, Anna, it's time for your rebuttal. You've got 30 seconds to convince us why Komodo dragons are a "drag-on." And your time starts now.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: All right, you say ambush predator, slow-acting venom. I say inefficient kills. Could do better. They're omnivores, OK, cool, they can eat anything they want. Capybaras are selective. And you got to hand it to someone who knows exactly what they want when they want it. And there are Komodo dragon tourists, that's awesome. To each their own. Everybody gets one weird hobby. And so, I think that, sure, you can like a Komodo dragon, but that's on you.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time. [CHUCKLES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Selective eaters? They eat their own poo those capybaras do.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I mean, why waste?
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Oska, it is time to award some points here. So please, give one point to the Declaration of Greatness you liked best. And one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one team's jokes make you giggle?
Was another team's logic to die for? Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Both points could go to the same person. Or each person could get a point. It's entirely up to you and entirely subjective. Have you made your decision?
SPEAKER: Yes, I have.
[BELL RINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Duck and Anna, how are you two feeling so far?
DUCK WASHINGTON: Feeling all right. Feeling like there's good competition. I appreciate it, but I feel confident.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm, I feel powerful. I feel pretty incredible. It might be the coffee kicking in.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES] Perfect time for the coffee to kick in. It's time for a quick break. Hop on an alligator's back or have a hissing fit.
SPEAKER: Because we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: You're listening to "State of Debate," home to rage and rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
TODD DOUGLAS: Hey, debate heads. Todd Douglas here with my pal Taylor Lincoln.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: What's new, my argument amigo?
TODD DOUGLAS: What's new is I just saw a big-time logical fallacy at the baseball field.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ooh! A logical fallacy is a debate mistake that makes an argument super easy to defeat.
TODD DOUGLAS: That's right. And the fallacy I saw was the slippery slope fallacy. That's when you say a small action will result in a big Earth-shattering outcome. It's an exaggeration to the max.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ooh, let's grab some peanuts and cracker jacks and watch this debate no-no.
[WHIRRING]
[THWACK]
[CROWD CHEERS]
COUCH: Ha, listen, Andrew, you're up to bat next, and I need you to hit a home run.
ANDREW: I'll try my best, Coach.
COUCH: You better because if you don't, then we won't score. And if we don't score, then we'll lose. And if we lose, I'll be out of a job. And if I'm out of a job, then I'll have to work at the zoo. And if I work at the zoo, the prairie dogs there will straight up eat me alive!
ANDREW: That seems like an overreaction.
[BUZZER]
MARLEY FEUERWERKER-OTTO: Whoa, that got real intense real fast.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Woo, it certainly did. He made it sound like not hitting a home run in the game would result in prairie dogs eating him alive.
TODD DOUGLAS: Prairie dogs are our friends and definitely don't eat baseball coaches. But more importantly, that's a whopper of a logical fallacy. It's totally absurd to think that missing one point is the difference between life and death.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: I'll say. Woo, all this baseball talk is making me thirsty.
TODD DOUGLAS: I think it's all the peanuts and cracker jacks you've been eating. We're off to get some lemonade. Catch you next time on--
TOD AND TAYLOR: --"State of Debate."
[THEME MUSIC]
[FUNKY MUSIC]
SPEAKER: Best.
SPEAKER: Boom.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash. Smash.
SPEAKER: Boom.
SPEAKER: Best.
[THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
SPEAKER: And I'm your judge, Oska.
MOLLY BLOOM: We love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this super debate idea from Alynis.
CHILD: My idea for a debate is Team Sonic versus the Avengers.
SPEAKER: What a super speedy idea.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back with Alynis at the end of this episode to see which side he thinks should win.
SPEAKER: And now it's back to today's debate, capybaras versus Komodo dragons.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the--
[AUDIO SPEEDING UP]
ANNOUNCER: --M-- M-- Micro Round.
[BELL RINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: For the Micro Round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. Anna and Duck's prompt was "Sonnet Slam." For this challenge, we asked them to write a sonnet showcasing their side's best qualities in the style of William Shakespeare. Anna went first last time, so Duck, you're up. Let's hear your Komodo poem.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Betwixt the islands of Indonesia, a reptilian marvel roams the shores. Using its tongue is how it doth see. Your tempting scent is what it's licking towards.
Apex predator of domination. It's the largest lizard stalking the Earth. Its venom ceases coagulation but weighs only ounces upon its birth. This creature doth not breathe scorching fire.
It flaps no leathery wings to take flight. So leaveth home your best metal attire, for this dragon need not be slain by knight. This giant's moniker is Komodo. A name so glorious you must say whoa.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mmm, very wonderful. I felt like I was in Stratford-upon-Avon watching a Shakespeare production. Oh, my gosh, amazing. All right, Anna, now it's your turn. Let's hear you wax poetic for these chill rodents.
[SERENE MUSIC]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Upon a jungle's sunny riverbank, a gently dozing capybara lies. A rodent at the top of nature's ranks, possessed of silken hair and sparkling eyes. Oh, gentle giants, capybaras fair, who roam the meadows in harmonious groups, while munching tender grass without a care. And pooping little capybara poops.
[POPPING]
Beloved by the universe it seems, with friends of other species far and wide. A capybara lives a life of dreams, poise, and serenity personified. Away with you, Komodo dragons vile. 'Tis capybaras making the world smile.
[TWINKLE]
MOLLY BLOOM: [SIGHS] Another wonderful example of a sonnet. A capybara. My kingdom for a capybara. All right, Oska, what did you like about Anna and Duck's sonnets?
SPEAKER: Wow, very different vibes. Not what I was expecting. I don't know, Duck's seemed a little bit too intense for a sonnet. But I really like Anna's vibe of the sonnet, which was really amazing.
It felt more on the historical sonnets, more romantic in a way, very on-brand. I will give them that. The last line really stuck with me. The rhyme scheme with the smile at the end.
That just really gave me a good final touch. Showed me a good picture of it floating on the water with friends. It's not alone. Doesn't do too well in solitude, which is interesting.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, a lot to chew over, but it's time to award a point. Don't tell us who it's going to. The criteria are completely up to you. Did someone impress you with their rhymes, impress you with the facts they worked in?
Was the vibe good? Who can you picture wearing a ruff? That is the real question today. All right, have you made your decision?
SPEAKER: Yes.
[BELL RINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third round, the super stealthy--
MEN: Ha ha hoo ha!
ANNOUNCER: --Sneak Attack.
MOLLY BLOOM: This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's Sneak Attack is called, "Alpha Facts." For this challenge, we want you to come up with facts about your side going through the letters of the alphabet.
So the first fact that you're going to say should start with an A. The second should start with a B. You'll have a minute together to go back and forth sharing your alpha facts. Does this make sense?
ANNA AND DUCK: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, so Anna, we're going to start with you. You have A.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: And the one minute starts now.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Athletic little rodents.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Biggest lizard on Earth.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Chill dudes.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Dominant species.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Excellent parents.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Freaking cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Grass, delicious.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Hissing giant.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I really like them.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Just about the best animal there is.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Kicks Komodo dragon butt.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: These are facts.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Licks capybaras face.
MOLLY BLOOM: Facts, you guys, facts.
[LAUGHTER]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm, most big rodent.
MOLLY BLOOM: [GIGGLES]
ANNA GOLDFIELD: [CHUCKLES]
DUCK WASHINGTON: Never eaten by a jaguar, like a capybara.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm, obviously, they're really great at swimming.
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
[LAUGHTER]
Nicely done. We got all the way to O. So good. All right, so now Oska, we need you to award a point for this round. Again, the criteria are completely up to you. Which side impressed you the most with their facts? Who was quicker on the draw? Who knew the alphabet? It's up to you.
[LAUGHTER]
Have you made your decision?
SPEAKER: Yes. I'm not sure if facts is the word I would use, but--
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's fair.
SPEAKER: --anecdotes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fair.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: That's fair.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very fair.
[BELL RINGS]
All right, it's time for our final round--
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
ANNOUNCER: --the Final Six.
MOLLY BLOOM: In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Duck, let's hear your six words to solidify stellar Komodo dragons.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Capybaras, lunch combo meal Komodos eat.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm.
SPEAKER: Wow.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Whoa, OK, I loved it.
SPEAKER: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: I loved it. All right, Anna, it's your turn. Tell us why capybaras are king in just six words.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: [CLEARS THROAT] Capybaras, community creatures. Komodos, stressful neighbors.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hm.
SPEAKER: Hm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very interesting. All right, Oska, it is time to award a final point for this Final Six. Have you awarded it?
SPEAKER: Yes, I have.
[BELL RINGS]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, tally up those points. Are you ready to crown one team the smash boom best?
SPEAKER: Yes, I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, drum roll, please.
[DRUM ROLL]
And the winner is--
SPEAKER: --Komodo dragons!
DUCK WASHINGTON: Yeah!
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Wow.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, my goodness!
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Well played.
MOLLY BLOOM: So, Oska, was there a moment that decided things for you?
SPEAKER: It was a bit of a volley back and forth.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm.
SPEAKER: I will say, I did come in with a little bit of recency bias at the beginning for Duck did give his arguments later on and it stayed in my head for a little bit longer.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm, OK, interesting.
SPEAKER: However, I was able to overcome that and justify it when it really came up to the Sneak Attack and the Final Six. I felt that Anna, you got a little bit repetitive at some point with that community-oriented mission that capybaras have.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER: It seems like that's the only thing that was really going for them.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm, so it sounds like it was close, though.
SPEAKER: It was really close because both sides have their themes in terms of what they're really going for. But it just seems like there were a bit more variety on the Komodo dragon's end.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Well, excellent judging. Thank you so much, Oska.
SPEAKER: Thank you.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Anna, I really was amazed with how well you stood behind the capybaras and really painted them as these really mystical, loving, adorable creatures, which they are. I love capybaras in reality, even though I do love Komodo dragons more. But you had me on the ropes a little bit. I thought your sonnet was absolutely fantastic.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Oh, thank you so much. And, Duck, fair play. Absolutely, killer round. And as you said, in reality, I like Komodo dragons, too. I think they're awesome. I respect them. I think I'd like to keep our relationship long distance--
[LAUGHTER]
--but I really think Komodo dragons are really, really cool. And it was really fun trying to keep up with such an improv master. So I do know the alphabet for the record.
[LAUGHTER]
SPEAKER: Wow.
MOLLY BLOOM: We know you do, Anna. We know you do.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I have it printed out right above my desk, so I can look at it.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. And capybaras are my new phone wallpaper. They are--
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Aw.
SPEAKER: Wow!
MOLLY BLOOM: --adorable.
SPEAKER: Keeping up with the trends.
MOLLY BLOOM: I know. I'm just a trend follower. What can I say?
DUCK WASHINGTON: That's "capy-barrasing."
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
[THEME MUSIC]
Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Oska crowned Komodo dragons the smash boom best, but what about you?
SPEAKER: Head to SmashBoom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On! and APM Studios.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Rosie DuPont, Ruby Guthrie, Anna Weggel, and Aron Woldeslassie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Ryan McAvoy and Alex Simpson. With sound design by Rachel Brees.
DUCK WASHINGTON: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: And we had production help from Lou Baron and Marc Sanchez.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Perlman. And the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerweker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Molly Quinlan Artwick, Brant Miller, Austin Cross, and Taylor Kaufman. Anna, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout-out to today?
ANNA GOLDFIELD: I would like to give a shout-out to TikTok for just populating everyone's minds with capybaras. I look forward to Komodo dragons having their day on TikTok.
MOLLY BLOOM: [CHUCKLES] How about you, Duck? Any shout-outs or thanks?
DUCK WASHINGTON: Well, first I want to say that they might not be on TikTok, but Komodo dragons did star in a movie called "The Freshmen" with Marlon Brando. So I think they're doing all right.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Oska, any thanks or shout-outs?
SPEAKER: Yeah, I really want to thank my notebook for helping me keep track of the speedy debate. And also, zoos everywhere for keeping our Komodo dragons, first of all, away from us and far away from extinction as well.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. Well, before we go, let's check in with Alynis and see who he thinks should win his Sonic versus Avengers debate.
CHILD: I think that team Sonic would win because they can make their own energy. Also, they always defeat Eggman.
MOLLY BLOOM: "Egg-celent" point. If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knock-down drag-out debate, head to SmashBoom.org and drop us a line. We'll be back with a new debate battle next week. Bye-bye.
SPEAKER: Bye.
DUCK WASHINGTON: See you later, alligator.
(SINGING) Ooh, you're the smash boom best. Ooh, put you through the test. Ooh, you're the smash, boom best. Ooh, better than the rest. It's the Smash Boom Best. It's the Smash Boom Best.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Getting that wagon, Komodo dragon.
[LAUGHTER]
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