Today’s debate looks great on a plate, bursts forth from a garden, and is quite the bargain! On one side, we’ve got the father of french fries, the champion of chips, the hero of hashbrowns. It's potatoes! And on the other side, we’ve got the sultan of salsa, the king of ketchup, the pal of pizza. It’s tomatoes. Get your taste buds ready because it’s… potatoes versus tomatoes! Vote below for the team YOU think won.
Also…do you have your Smarty Pass yet? Get yours today for just $4/month (or $36/year) and get bonus episodes every month, and ad-free versions of every episode of Brains On, Smash Boom Best, Moment of Um and Forever Ago. Visit www.smartypass.org to get your Smarty Pass today. As an added bonus, your Smarty Pass will grant you access to a super special debate starring Sanden and Molly!
Audio Transcript
Download transcript (PDF)
MOLLY BLOOM: From the brains behind Brains On, it's Smash, Boom, Best.
ARIANA: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi. I'm Molly Bloom. And this is Smash, Boom, Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate looks great on a plate, bursts forth from a garden, and is quite the bargain. On one side we've got the father of French fries, the champion of chips, the hero of hash browns, it's potatoes.
And on the other side, we've got the sultan of salsa, the king of ketchup, the pal of pizza, tomatoes. Get your taste buds ready because it's potatoes versus tomatoes. In one corner, we've got actor, improviser, and playwright Matt Spring eager to spearhead spuds for team potato.
MATT SPRING: When the chips are down, and no matter how hard you fry, it seems like all your hopes are mashed, keep an eye out for potatoes winning and tomatoes getting last.
MOLLY BLOOM: And actor, comedian, and animator Brent Miller is here to triumph for tasty team tomatoes.
BRENT MILLER: Fresh off the vine and ready to shine.
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Ariana from Elk River, Minnesota. Ariana is a huge fan of horseback riding, escape rooms, scavenger hunts, and reading murder mysteries. She's also in a fantasy football league with her family. Hi, Ariana.
ARIANA: Hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ariana, I have to ask about your family's fantasy football league. How are you doing this year?
ARIANA: I got to be honest, I'm not doing so hot. I'm not doing great. It's not so great.
MOLLY BLOOM: How many people are in your fantasy league?
ARIANA: Oh, I want to say about 15, all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and then my family.
MOLLY BLOOM: Amazing. And what is your team name?
ARIANA: My team is blood, sweat, touchdown, alotamos.
[LAUGHTER]
Yes, it is.
MATT SPRING: It started as one thing and then it pivoted to a whole other thing. That's awesome.
ARIANA: It's all one name, all capitals. It's like I'm screaming at you. And then my photo is a picture of a hippopotamus holding a football.
MOLLY BLOOM: So good. I'm rooting for you. OK?
ARIANA: Thank you. Will Ariana side with Matt or Brent? Only time will tell. Ariana, are you ready to judge today's debate?
ARIANA: I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Before we dive in, let's review the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds of argumentation, the declaration of greatness, the micro round, the sneak attack, and the final six. After each round, our judge Ariana will award points to the team that impresses her the most. But she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate.
Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. All right. Matt, Brent, and Ariana, are you ready?
ARIANA: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the Declaration of Greatness. In this round, our debaters will present a well crafted immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Matt, you're up first. Tell us why spuds are our buds.
BEV: And here are your hash browns, Matt. Anything else I can grab for you today?
MATT SPRING: Thanks, Bev. No, I've got the hash browns, potato pancakes, potato wedges, and home fries all laid out.
BEV: Wow. That's kind of a lot.
MATT SPRING: Well, I've got a big day ahead of me.
BEV: Tons of work?
MATT SPRING: No, tons of potatoes.
BEV: What?
MATT SPRING: Potatoes, the versatile, nutritious, and world changing potato. I've made a good start with this breakfast. But when lunch rolls around, my handy lunchbox will be bursting with the potatoey goodness of a turkey sandwich on potato bread, a leftover potato Latka, and potato chips. Then after work I'm going to my parents for dinner. We're having mashed potatoes, a potato and ham frittata, and a sweet potato dumpling covered in caramel for dessert.
[BEEPING]
I've got to get going. I'll take all of this to go.
BEV: All right. There you are. Good luck.
MATT SPRING: Oh, I don't need luck. I've got potatoes.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR BELL]
Now you're probably thinking, won't he get sick of eating potatoes in all of his meals? No for the same reason I don't get sick of sunsets, or rainbows. Each one is different and delightful. Seriously, with their simple flavor and texture, potatoes go with everything and can be made into so many wildly different dishes.
There are over 5,000 varieties of potatoes out there with names like Swift, Charlotte, and the Red Duke of York. So I doubt we'll ever run out of recipes to try. And now you're thinking, won't he get sick, as in actually ill from eating potatoes in all of his meals? Again, no, because the potatoes nutrition is out of this world. Just imagine two people trapped on a desert island.
[BEACH]
Oh, we made it to land. Only five miles of swimming through shark infested waters, and now we have this small uncharted island to call home. Too bad there's nothing to eat.
BEV: Wait. Look at that crate that just washed ashore. It's a shipping container filled with potatoes. We're saved. These babies are packed with vitamin C, iron, potassium, and all kinds of vitamin Bs. And they don't even have fat or cholesterol. I'll start cooking up the spuds, and you start making a dipping sauce out of coconuts.
MATT SPRING: Potatoes have a lot of what we need to survive. And that's one reason why humans have been eating them for a long time. Since it was first cultivated in Peru about 8,000 years ago, the potato has spread to just about every corner of the world. From the cold temperatures of Russia to the warm climate of India, potatoes can and do grow almost everywhere, even space. Nasa grew the first potatoes on the space shuttle almost 30 years ago.
Potatoes are the perfect space food. They're low maintenance, and 80% of the plant is edible so they don't take up much room. Future space explorers will probably eat potatoes because they're literally out of this world. And I think we can agree this world we live in would be so much less without potatoes, less delicious, less nutrition, and definitely less fun. So give a spud a hug. It's all right. They can take it unlike tomatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow that was a riveting and fascinating declaration of greatness for potatoes. Ariana, what stood out to you about Matt's argument?
ARIANA: So I am Jewish. And I heard a mention of latkes in there. That was there.
MOLLY BLOOM: Happy Hanukkah, everybody.
ARIANA: Happy Hanukkah. I did not know that there were 5,000 different kinds of potatoes. I also-- I'm a big Swiftie, for all my Swifties out there. And I brought a bunch of bracelets. And I didn't know there was a potato called a Swift.
MATT SPRING: She's named after it, yeah.
ARIANA: That was--
[LAUGHTER]
Well, I picked up on it. That was pretty cool. And the other thing I picked up on was the Nasa space potato. That's what I called it. I thought that was pretty darn cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
Nicely done, Matt. All right, Brent, it's time for your rebuttal. Tell us why a mashed potato is just a trash potato. You've got 30 seconds. And your time starts now.
BRENT MILLER: I couldn't help but noticing when you were listing all the potato things on that plate, it was like wedges, hash browns, that's a lot of fried food. And it's all-- you have to add things to it to actually get the flavor. If you ate just a plain potato, it's like whoa, am I boring? Like you got to put butter and sour cream. Also 5,000, that's a cute number. But tomatoes, there's over 10,000 varieties of tomatoes.
MATT SPRING: What do you mean if I ate a plain potato?
[LAUGHTER]
I just think it's very interesting that team tomato is accusing potato of needing to get dressed up in order to be made into anything because I have a feeling his declaration of greatness coming up is probably going to have tomatoes being made into a bunch of stuff.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
BRENT MILLER: I will eat a tomato like an apple in front of you to prove how delicious they are.
MATT SPRING: You're not I'm going to get inside my head, Brent. Don't try.
BRENT MILLER: Would you eat a potato like an apple? I don't think so.
MATT SPRING: I think you've seen me.
BRENT MILLER: Actually, I might have. Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. It is your turn, Brent. Tell us why everyone is playing ketchup with the tomato.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BRENT MILLER: Now back to everyone's favorite food themed variety show, This Fruit's Got Talent. Now please welcome to the stage all the way from Fresno California, Berry, the tomato.
AUDIENCE: [GASPS]
BERRY: Today I'd like to play you a song I wrote.
SUBJECT 1: Let me stop you right there. This is a fruit talent show. Fruits only.
BERRY: Oh, I'm a fruit all right.
SUBJECT 1: You are?
BERRY: I am. I have seeds. And I come from the flowering part of a plant. So therefore, I'm a fruit. But I'm so delicious and cooked in so many things that people sometimes think of me as a veggie. Either way, I'm one of the best foods that'll ever grace your lips.
[APPLAUSE]
Now hit it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) I'm a fruit, not a veggie
But I'm kind of still a veggie
I'm delicious, and I'm sweet
Nutritious, can't be beat
BRENT MILLER: That's right, Berry, you are delicious. In fact, that's the number one reason I love tomatoes so much. The taste. There's truly nothing better than a garden fresh tomato sliced thinly with a little dusting of salt and pepper, slap it on a piece of sourdough with a thick spread of mayo, hmm-mm, heavenly.
Now let's say you're not the type of person who wants to pop a raw tomato slice in your mouth or better yet, let's say you're not that type of person yet. That's OK because tomatoes are the foundation of so many cuisines. Italian marinara, Indian curry, Mexican salsa. You can enjoy them chopped up in salads, lopped onto sandwiches, cooked in sauces, roasted, grilled, even sun dried. And without them, we wouldn't have a little dish you might have heard of, pizza.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SUBJECT 2: Introducing the latest sensation in culinary delight. It's the all new extraordinary pizza pie.
SUBJECT 3: Hmm, a supreme blend of cheese, tomato sauce, and savory toppings right here in my kitchen. This slaps.
SUBJECT 2: Share the joy of a homemade pizza and create memories that will last a lifetime.
SUBJECT 3: (SINGING) Slice of joy
Cheese delight
Pizza nights
The perfect bite
BRENT MILLER: You get what I'm saying? No tomatoes, no pizza. And they're not just delicious, they're nutritious. Tomatoes are rich in vitamins, antioxidants and beneficial compounds like lycopene, which can do so much for our bodies, including improving heart health and even reducing our risk of cancer.
Maybe you've heard of the movie Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Really it should have been named Attack of the Life-Giving Tomatoes. And I'm not the only one who loves tomatoes. This superfood is one of the most popular garden staples in the world. It can thrive in so many different climates. Plus once you grow a whole bunch in your garden, you can make canned sauces and salsas to enjoy months and months later, which saves money and time. I mean, can you even imagine a world without tomatoes? A world where--
[MUSIC PLAYING]
--pizza has no sauce?
MOLLY BLOOM: [GASPS]
BRENT MILLER: Or a world where chips have no salsa?
MOLLY BLOOM: It's like my mouth is a desert.
[COUGHS]
BRENT MILLER: A world without tomatoes is a flavorless, empty, dry wasteland of nothingness. Like a fry without ketchup.
AUDIENCE: No.
BRENT MILLER: Luckily, that'll never happen since tomatoes are abundant and beloved worldwide. With tomatoes, you don't have to choose between mouthwatering flavor and health benefits. Eat your heart out, potatoes, because tomatoes are truly the tastiest treat out there.
MOLLY BLOOM: A tasty and tuneful argument there from Brent for tomatoes. Ariana, what stood out to you about his declaration of greatness?
ARIANA: I mean, come on, the song. What can you not like about the song? The song was beautiful. And the inclusion, I loved the inclusion, the tomato versus not liking tomatoes yet. I mean, you got to include everybody. And so I'm not a big fan of pizza myself, but the sauce, the sauce makes it amazing. And I can't-- like if pizza didn't have sauce, it's not OK. That's like ladkes without apple sauce.
BRENT MILLER: It's like just cheese bread, I mean.
ARIANA: It's literally just cheesy bread.
BRENT MILLER: Who would ever eat cheese bread?
[LAUGHTER]
This is what I'm saying. We're just bragging that tomatoes are the plus 1 invited along to so many things.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Matt, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why you toma don't want to eat a tomato. You've got 30 seconds. And your time starts now.
MATT SPRING: Well, I was just remembering in 1949, the Mr. Potato Head went into production, a pivotal toy and a lot of people's childhood. And I was googling right now Mr. Tomato head. And the first thing that comes up is did you mean Mr. Potato Head.
So I guess I just want to know, Brent, what do I need to Google in order to find the pivotal cultural toy that we all remember based on your food? Or do I need to use Bing or something?
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
BRENT MILLER: Well, that's a good point, but maybe that's saying that tomatoes are for adults and potatoes are for little kids. Like tomatoes are a little more sophisticated, you know? Like--
ARIANA: But your judge is a little kid.
MATT SPRING: I was going to say, I'm like, welcome to this podcast for--
MOLLY BLOOM: You're not a little kid.
BRENT MILLER: Wait, you are not a little kid. I'm talking like toddlers.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Ariana a very precocious toddler. Our audience can't see. She's three years old.
BRENT MILLER: So well spoken for three.
MATT SPRING: She's in a high chair but taking all of these notes. It's really great.
MOLLY BLOOM: She's amazing.
BRENT MILLER: Solid point.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Ariana, it's a big moment. But we need you to award some points. Please give one point to the declaration of greatness you like best. And one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic to die for? Award your point. But don't tell us who is getting them. Criteria is entirely up to you and entirely subjective. Have you made your decision?
ARIANA: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Brent and Matt, how are you two feeling so far?
MATT SPRING: Not surprisingly, kind of hungry.
[LAUGHTER]
BRENT MILLER: I'm feeling a little saucy.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, well, grab a plate, salt, pepper, and a little bit of zest.
ARIANA: And we'll be right back with more Smash, Boom, Best.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
TODD DOUGLAS: Well, would you look at that. It's the bagged salad to my freezer lasagna, Taylor Lincoln.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: And look right there. It's the cheese cracker to my gas station pastry, Todd Douglas. Hey, Todd. Do you love babies?
TODD DOUGLAS: Of course, I do. The way they coo and cuddle and, you know, poop themselves.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ahh, pretty precious, right? But sometimes caring for an infant can make you forget things like, what makes a strong argument.
TODD DOUGLAS: Ooh, sounds like you've got some hot goss, Tay.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: You bet I do. I overheard two friends using a logical fallacy the other day, which makes your argument weak. Take a listen.
[BABY GIGGLES]
ALAN: Oh, goo, goo, goo, goo, goo.
GRAM: I just love her so much.
ALAN: She's the smartest baby in the whole wide world.
GRAM: Do you ever wonder what she might become like when she's our age?
ALAN: Only every single day.
GRAM: I wonder if she's going to be a firefighter, or a mortician, or a florist.
ALAN: No, Gram, she's going to be a Senator.
GRAM: A Senator? That's interesting. I guess, I can see that.
ALAN: She's got to be a Senator, or she won't be successful.
GRAM: Whoa, that's not the only way to be successful.
ALAN: Yeah, it is, you're a Senator, or you failed in life. Two choices.
GRAM: But we're her dads. And neither of us are senators.
ALAN: Exactly.
GRAM: Wow. Low blow, Alan.
[BUZZER]
TODD DOUGLAS: Ouch. Am I ever going to be successful in this life if I'm not a Senator?
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Yes, of course, Todd. Allan was using a false dichotomy, also known as the black and white fallacy. That's when someone makes it sound like there are only two choices when actually there are lots of options.
TODD DOUGLAS: So you're saying there are more career options than just being a Senator or failing in life?
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Exactly.
TODD DOUGLAS: Phew, thank goodness because I've always wanted to be a video game tester slash food critic slash gerbil playground engineer. And honestly, Taylor, I'm not willing to give up on my dreams.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Please don't ever give up, Todd. The world needs another video game tester, food critic, gerbil playground engineer, and it needs it very badly. We'll see you next time on State of Debate.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) Boom
Boom
Boom boom
Boom
Boom
Boom
Boom boom
Boom
Smash
Boom
Best
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
ARIANA: And I'm your judge, Ariana.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this festive debate idea from Linux.
LINUX: My debate idea is jetpacks versus rockets.
ARIANA: Nothing beats a duel with jet fuel.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side of Linux thinks should win.
ARIANA: And now it's back to our debate, potatoes versus tomatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the micro round. For the micro round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. For Matt and Brent, the prompt was infomercial. Matt and Brent, we want you to sell us your side infomercial style. Will there be dramatic testimonials, live demonstrations, a two for one deal? Let's hear all about your limited time offers. Matt went first last time. So Brent, you're up. What special offers does the tomato have?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
DON BOPEIL: Has this ever happened to you?
SUBJECT 6: This plain hot dog is just so plain.
DON BOPEIL: Have I got a solution for you! Hi, I'm Don Bopeil. And I'm here to solve all of the problems of your life with this simple, elegant, affordable, genius device. The tomato clapper. Simply clap your hands, and the tomato clapper puts salsa, hot sauce, and ketchup on your food faster than you can say tomato, tomato.
SUBJECT 6: Ketchup? This hot dog just went from crummy to yummy.
[LAUGHTER]
This bowl of cereal is just so dry.
DON BOPEIL: Just clap, and your cereal is now scrumptious.
SUBJECT 6: Salsa on Wheaties? I'm not sure about this one.
DON BOPEIL: Give it a try. The tomato clapper has literally never failed.
SUBJECT 6: Whoa. It's actually really good.
DON BOPEIL: The tomato clapper, a product with one single move, squirts the delicious essence of a tomato all over your mundane and boring life, turning you into a culinary star. Clap yourself to help your taste buds today.
BRENT MILLER: Get yours today for only $49.99, plus shipping and handling. But wait, order now, and we'll send you two tomato clappers for the low price of 99.99. Don't miss out on this incredible deal. Act fast because supplies are limited, and this offer won't last, even though this infomercial will run for the next 10 years.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
OK. Give me 1 minute. Just placing a quick order. OK. Done. Matt, now it's your turn to sell us on potatoes.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JIMMY: Ahh, nothing's going my way today. This kitchen is a mess and I'm exhausted.
MATT SPRING: Wow, Jimmy. That's a lot for a youngster. But I have a solution for you.
JIMMY: Really, Matt?
MATT SPRING: Yes, potatoes.
[CHEERING]
JIMMY: You mean that stuff we use to make chips?
MATT SPRING: Haha, potatoes are so much more than chips. They're nature's Swiss army knife watch. I just cut a potato in half, rub it on this rusty bike, and voila, the acid in the potato removes the rust. That's not all. Look at these dirty windows, just rub a sliced potato on the glass and the smudges disappear. Your favorite spud is your new cleaning bud.
JIMMY: Yowch! I just spilled hot cocoa on my hand.
MATT SPRING: Hang on. I have a solution. Potatoes. If you don't have a first aid kit handy, minor burns can be soothed with a sliced potato.
JIMMY: What a tubular tuber. Potatoes really are nature's Swiss army knife.
MATT SPRING: Now you're getting it. And since the day's over, relax and put these potato slices over your eyelids. It'll help bring the puffiness down.
JIMMY: Thanks, Matt and thanks, potatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Is there anything a potato can't do? I place an order for that too. I'm broke now. Oh, well. OK. What stood out to you about those two rounds? What did you like?
ARIANA: Inflation's a scam.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm sorry. Huh?
MATT SPRING: Don Popeil is up to something.
ARIANA: Seriously, like what is it with these I clap my hands and that's $100?
[LAUGHTER]
BRENT MILLER: For two, for two.
ARIANA: Yeah, only for two.
MOLLY BLOOM: A bogo.
ARIANA: And potato peels, how much is that?
MATT SPRING: You can get them literally anywhere.
ARIANA: For how much?
MATT SPRING: I'll give them to you for free. I mean, potatoes are-- listen, I don't have the market ticker in front of me right now, but less than $49.99.
[LAUGHTER]
BRENT MILLER: Are you bribing the judge with free potatoes?
MATT SPRING: No, I'm informing her they're everywhere. They sell them by the bagful.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Ariana, it's time to award a point, but don't tell us who it's going to. Again, the criteria are totally up to you. Did someone have a product that sounded intriguing to you? Did someone sneak some facts in? Did someone make you laugh? Did someone make you think? Whatever it is, it's up to you. Have you made your decision?
ARIANA: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around, the super stealthy--
SUBJECT 7: Haha, woo-ha.
MOLLY BLOOM: --sneak attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's sneak attack is called genre replay. For this challenge, we want each of you to come up with one glorious sentence making a case for your side. Then we'll give you three different genres. And you'll say that same sentence again in each genre. Matt and Brent, does that make sense?
BRENT MILLER: Yes.
MATT SPRING: Sure.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK.
MATT SPRING: Unless I fundamentally misunderstood what you were saying.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, we're going to start with Matt. So first let's hear your sentence about potatoes just plain.
MATT SPRING: Potatoes last far longer than tomatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hmm. Excellent work. All right. Now let's hear it in the style of a 1950s mystery movie.
ARIANA: Oh.
MATT SPRING: Mash, hey?
[LAUGHTER]
Potatoes, they, they last longer, way longer, kid, than tomatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. OK. Now let's hear it in a Western style.
MATT SPRING: Well, I'll tell you, partner. Potatoes, they'll last way longer out on the trail than whatever these tomatoes are.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, finally, let's hear it in the genre of horror.
MATT SPRING: All right, I'm just going to check over here on the counter. I left the tomato out right-- oh god, oh, no. The tomato was only been out for two weeks, but it's-- potatoes last far longer than tomatoes! Ahh! Ahh!
ARIANA: Tomato squirts everywhere.
MATT SPRING: Yep.
MOLLY BLOOM: Incredible. Incredible. All right, Brent. Now it's your turn. Let's hear your sentence for tomatoes plain.
BRENT MILLER: Potatoes are brown and boring. Tomatoes are red and radical.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh. Excellent. All right. Now let's hear it as a Shakespearean drama.
BRENT MILLER: Doth the potato beath brown and a most boring. But the tomato beath red and ridiculous.
[LAUGHTER]
MATT SPRING: Beath.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Now let's hear it as an animated kids movie.
BRENT MILLER: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. These potatoes, they're brown and boring. Yeah, well, guess what? These tomatoes are red, and they're radical.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh. And lastly romance.
BRENT MILLER: Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
Your potatoes are so brown and boring. I know. I know. But my tomatoes are red and radical. Oh, I love you so much. I love you. I love you too.
MATT SPRING: There was the love part at the-- OK. Up until then, it was just a very uncomfortable trip to the grocery store.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, Wow. Oh, Wow. OK. Ariana, I don't know how you're going to do it. They were both so good. But it's time to award a point. Which side impressed you the most? Again, the criteria are completely up to you. Have you made your decision?
ARIANA: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, perfect. Then it's time for our final around, The Final 6. In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. OK, Brent. Let's hear your six words for tomatoes.
BRENT MILLER: Spuds so bland, tomatoes are grand.
MOLLY BLOOM: Lovely. Nicely done. OK, Matt. It's your turn. Give us your Final 6 for potatoes.
MATT SPRING: Potatoes are spuds, tomatoes are duds.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, fascinating. These Final 6 fit together like the two very good friends you are.
ARIANA: Yeah.
MATT SPRING: Both realize spuds could be rhymed with a bunch of stuff.
BRENT MILLER: That's true.
MATT SPRING: Crack that Rubik's cube of language right at the end.
ARIANA: You two are like, hmm, interesting.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Ariana. It is time to award a final point for this Final 6.
ARIANA: OK.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you made your final decision?
ARIANA: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. I'm going to ask you to tally up those points there. Are you ready to crown one team, the Smash, Boom, Best?
ARIANA: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Drumroll, please.
[DRUMROLL]
And the winner is tomato.
MATT SPRING: Yes. You say tomato, I say tomato. Let's call the whole thing off. Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Ariana.
ARIANA: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: I need to know, what was the moment that sealed it for tomatoes?
ARIANA: It was the funny parts. I mean, it was all the laughing bits-- the laughing bits, the funny parts, the jab at the hearts.
MATT SPRING: If I had it to do over again, I would have put some funny parts in there.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Was it tough to make your decision, today?
ARIANA: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. No. Matt, you had funny parts too.
MATT SPRING: Thank you.
BRENT MILLER: Matt, you did great. You're one of my best spuds. And I just want to say that I do eat potatoes a lot. So I do feel for potatoes at the end of the day. So great job.
MATT SPRING: Yeah. Brent, I have to say, I'm not overly surprised that you won since you are very good at doing things like this and very funny. I wasn't surprised that you made a very funny song and honestly, the composition of all of it was pretty out of this world. So yeah, obviously. And it's always so very, very fun to work with you.
MOLLY BLOOM: Did you call him one of your best spuds?
MATT SPRING: It's what it sounded like.
BRENT MILLER: I did. I did.
ARIANA: Ah.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's so sweet. Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Ariana crowned tomatoes the Smash, Boom, Best. But what about you?
ARIANA: Head to smashboom.org, and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash, Boom, Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
MATT SPRING: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Anna Weggel, and Aron Woldeslassie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Evan Clarke, with sound design by Aron Woldeslassie.
BRENT MILLER: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
MATT SPRING: And we had production help from Rosie DuPont, Anna Goldfield, Ruby Guthrie, Marc Sanchez, and Nico Gonzalez Wisler
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Perlman. And the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross and Taylor Kaufman. Matt, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to, today?
MATT SPRING: I'd like to give a shout out to my kids, Maximus, age seven, Minerva, age four, who have always been big supporters and cheerleaders for potatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Brent? Any special shout outs?
BRENT MILLER: A special shout out to my family. And also a shout out to the month of July and August for being the best time to pick and eat a tomato.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very true. And Ariana, how about you. Any special thanks or shout outs?
ARIANA: I would like to give a shout out to my mom, dad, brother, all my friends at school. So I'm going to say Eleanor, John, Stella.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's lovely. Hi, Eleanor, John, and Stella. Before we go, let's check in and see who Linux thinks should win the jetpacks versus rockets debate.
LINUX: I think jetpacks would win because you can fly freely.
MOLLY BLOOM: If you're between the ages of 13 and 18, and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knock-down drag-out debate. Head to smashboom.org/contact and drop us a line. And make sure to subscribe to Brains On Universe on YouTube, where you can watch animated versions of some of your favorite episodes. We'll be back with a new Smash, Boom, Best debate battle.
MATT SPRING: See you later.
[MUSIC PLAYING] Ooh, you're the Smash, Boom, Best. Ooh, better than the rest. It's a Smash, Boom, Best. It's Smash, Boom, Best.
BRENT MILLER: Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
ARIANA: The show for people with big opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi. I'm Molly Bloom. And this is Smash, Boom, Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate looks great on a plate, bursts forth from a garden, and is quite the bargain. On one side we've got the father of French fries, the champion of chips, the hero of hash browns, it's potatoes.
And on the other side, we've got the sultan of salsa, the king of ketchup, the pal of pizza, tomatoes. Get your taste buds ready because it's potatoes versus tomatoes. In one corner, we've got actor, improviser, and playwright Matt Spring eager to spearhead spuds for team potato.
MATT SPRING: When the chips are down, and no matter how hard you fry, it seems like all your hopes are mashed, keep an eye out for potatoes winning and tomatoes getting last.
MOLLY BLOOM: And actor, comedian, and animator Brent Miller is here to triumph for tasty team tomatoes.
BRENT MILLER: Fresh off the vine and ready to shine.
MOLLY BLOOM: And here to judge it all is Ariana from Elk River, Minnesota. Ariana is a huge fan of horseback riding, escape rooms, scavenger hunts, and reading murder mysteries. She's also in a fantasy football league with her family. Hi, Ariana.
ARIANA: Hi.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ariana, I have to ask about your family's fantasy football league. How are you doing this year?
ARIANA: I got to be honest, I'm not doing so hot. I'm not doing great. It's not so great.
MOLLY BLOOM: How many people are in your fantasy league?
ARIANA: Oh, I want to say about 15, all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and then my family.
MOLLY BLOOM: Amazing. And what is your team name?
ARIANA: My team is blood, sweat, touchdown, alotamos.
[LAUGHTER]
Yes, it is.
MATT SPRING: It started as one thing and then it pivoted to a whole other thing. That's awesome.
ARIANA: It's all one name, all capitals. It's like I'm screaming at you. And then my photo is a picture of a hippopotamus holding a football.
MOLLY BLOOM: So good. I'm rooting for you. OK?
ARIANA: Thank you. Will Ariana side with Matt or Brent? Only time will tell. Ariana, are you ready to judge today's debate?
ARIANA: I am.
MOLLY BLOOM: Before we dive in, let's review the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds of argumentation, the declaration of greatness, the micro round, the sneak attack, and the final six. After each round, our judge Ariana will award points to the team that impresses her the most. But she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate.
Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen. At the end of the show, head to our website smashboom.org and vote for whichever team you think won. All right. Matt, Brent, and Ariana, are you ready?
ARIANA: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Then it's time for the Declaration of Greatness. In this round, our debaters will present a well crafted immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Matt, you're up first. Tell us why spuds are our buds.
BEV: And here are your hash browns, Matt. Anything else I can grab for you today?
MATT SPRING: Thanks, Bev. No, I've got the hash browns, potato pancakes, potato wedges, and home fries all laid out.
BEV: Wow. That's kind of a lot.
MATT SPRING: Well, I've got a big day ahead of me.
BEV: Tons of work?
MATT SPRING: No, tons of potatoes.
BEV: What?
MATT SPRING: Potatoes, the versatile, nutritious, and world changing potato. I've made a good start with this breakfast. But when lunch rolls around, my handy lunchbox will be bursting with the potatoey goodness of a turkey sandwich on potato bread, a leftover potato Latka, and potato chips. Then after work I'm going to my parents for dinner. We're having mashed potatoes, a potato and ham frittata, and a sweet potato dumpling covered in caramel for dessert.
[BEEPING]
I've got to get going. I'll take all of this to go.
BEV: All right. There you are. Good luck.
MATT SPRING: Oh, I don't need luck. I've got potatoes.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR BELL]
Now you're probably thinking, won't he get sick of eating potatoes in all of his meals? No for the same reason I don't get sick of sunsets, or rainbows. Each one is different and delightful. Seriously, with their simple flavor and texture, potatoes go with everything and can be made into so many wildly different dishes.
There are over 5,000 varieties of potatoes out there with names like Swift, Charlotte, and the Red Duke of York. So I doubt we'll ever run out of recipes to try. And now you're thinking, won't he get sick, as in actually ill from eating potatoes in all of his meals? Again, no, because the potatoes nutrition is out of this world. Just imagine two people trapped on a desert island.
[BEACH]
Oh, we made it to land. Only five miles of swimming through shark infested waters, and now we have this small uncharted island to call home. Too bad there's nothing to eat.
BEV: Wait. Look at that crate that just washed ashore. It's a shipping container filled with potatoes. We're saved. These babies are packed with vitamin C, iron, potassium, and all kinds of vitamin Bs. And they don't even have fat or cholesterol. I'll start cooking up the spuds, and you start making a dipping sauce out of coconuts.
MATT SPRING: Potatoes have a lot of what we need to survive. And that's one reason why humans have been eating them for a long time. Since it was first cultivated in Peru about 8,000 years ago, the potato has spread to just about every corner of the world. From the cold temperatures of Russia to the warm climate of India, potatoes can and do grow almost everywhere, even space. Nasa grew the first potatoes on the space shuttle almost 30 years ago.
Potatoes are the perfect space food. They're low maintenance, and 80% of the plant is edible so they don't take up much room. Future space explorers will probably eat potatoes because they're literally out of this world. And I think we can agree this world we live in would be so much less without potatoes, less delicious, less nutrition, and definitely less fun. So give a spud a hug. It's all right. They can take it unlike tomatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow that was a riveting and fascinating declaration of greatness for potatoes. Ariana, what stood out to you about Matt's argument?
ARIANA: So I am Jewish. And I heard a mention of latkes in there. That was there.
MOLLY BLOOM: Happy Hanukkah, everybody.
ARIANA: Happy Hanukkah. I did not know that there were 5,000 different kinds of potatoes. I also-- I'm a big Swiftie, for all my Swifties out there. And I brought a bunch of bracelets. And I didn't know there was a potato called a Swift.
MATT SPRING: She's named after it, yeah.
ARIANA: That was--
[LAUGHTER]
Well, I picked up on it. That was pretty cool. And the other thing I picked up on was the Nasa space potato. That's what I called it. I thought that was pretty darn cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
Nicely done, Matt. All right, Brent, it's time for your rebuttal. Tell us why a mashed potato is just a trash potato. You've got 30 seconds. And your time starts now.
BRENT MILLER: I couldn't help but noticing when you were listing all the potato things on that plate, it was like wedges, hash browns, that's a lot of fried food. And it's all-- you have to add things to it to actually get the flavor. If you ate just a plain potato, it's like whoa, am I boring? Like you got to put butter and sour cream. Also 5,000, that's a cute number. But tomatoes, there's over 10,000 varieties of tomatoes.
MATT SPRING: What do you mean if I ate a plain potato?
[LAUGHTER]
I just think it's very interesting that team tomato is accusing potato of needing to get dressed up in order to be made into anything because I have a feeling his declaration of greatness coming up is probably going to have tomatoes being made into a bunch of stuff.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
BRENT MILLER: I will eat a tomato like an apple in front of you to prove how delicious they are.
MATT SPRING: You're not I'm going to get inside my head, Brent. Don't try.
BRENT MILLER: Would you eat a potato like an apple? I don't think so.
MATT SPRING: I think you've seen me.
BRENT MILLER: Actually, I might have. Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. It is your turn, Brent. Tell us why everyone is playing ketchup with the tomato.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BRENT MILLER: Now back to everyone's favorite food themed variety show, This Fruit's Got Talent. Now please welcome to the stage all the way from Fresno California, Berry, the tomato.
AUDIENCE: [GASPS]
BERRY: Today I'd like to play you a song I wrote.
SUBJECT 1: Let me stop you right there. This is a fruit talent show. Fruits only.
BERRY: Oh, I'm a fruit all right.
SUBJECT 1: You are?
BERRY: I am. I have seeds. And I come from the flowering part of a plant. So therefore, I'm a fruit. But I'm so delicious and cooked in so many things that people sometimes think of me as a veggie. Either way, I'm one of the best foods that'll ever grace your lips.
[APPLAUSE]
Now hit it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) I'm a fruit, not a veggie
But I'm kind of still a veggie
I'm delicious, and I'm sweet
Nutritious, can't be beat
BRENT MILLER: That's right, Berry, you are delicious. In fact, that's the number one reason I love tomatoes so much. The taste. There's truly nothing better than a garden fresh tomato sliced thinly with a little dusting of salt and pepper, slap it on a piece of sourdough with a thick spread of mayo, hmm-mm, heavenly.
Now let's say you're not the type of person who wants to pop a raw tomato slice in your mouth or better yet, let's say you're not that type of person yet. That's OK because tomatoes are the foundation of so many cuisines. Italian marinara, Indian curry, Mexican salsa. You can enjoy them chopped up in salads, lopped onto sandwiches, cooked in sauces, roasted, grilled, even sun dried. And without them, we wouldn't have a little dish you might have heard of, pizza.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SUBJECT 2: Introducing the latest sensation in culinary delight. It's the all new extraordinary pizza pie.
SUBJECT 3: Hmm, a supreme blend of cheese, tomato sauce, and savory toppings right here in my kitchen. This slaps.
SUBJECT 2: Share the joy of a homemade pizza and create memories that will last a lifetime.
SUBJECT 3: (SINGING) Slice of joy
Cheese delight
Pizza nights
The perfect bite
BRENT MILLER: You get what I'm saying? No tomatoes, no pizza. And they're not just delicious, they're nutritious. Tomatoes are rich in vitamins, antioxidants and beneficial compounds like lycopene, which can do so much for our bodies, including improving heart health and even reducing our risk of cancer.
Maybe you've heard of the movie Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Really it should have been named Attack of the Life-Giving Tomatoes. And I'm not the only one who loves tomatoes. This superfood is one of the most popular garden staples in the world. It can thrive in so many different climates. Plus once you grow a whole bunch in your garden, you can make canned sauces and salsas to enjoy months and months later, which saves money and time. I mean, can you even imagine a world without tomatoes? A world where--
[MUSIC PLAYING]
--pizza has no sauce?
MOLLY BLOOM: [GASPS]
BRENT MILLER: Or a world where chips have no salsa?
MOLLY BLOOM: It's like my mouth is a desert.
[COUGHS]
BRENT MILLER: A world without tomatoes is a flavorless, empty, dry wasteland of nothingness. Like a fry without ketchup.
AUDIENCE: No.
BRENT MILLER: Luckily, that'll never happen since tomatoes are abundant and beloved worldwide. With tomatoes, you don't have to choose between mouthwatering flavor and health benefits. Eat your heart out, potatoes, because tomatoes are truly the tastiest treat out there.
MOLLY BLOOM: A tasty and tuneful argument there from Brent for tomatoes. Ariana, what stood out to you about his declaration of greatness?
ARIANA: I mean, come on, the song. What can you not like about the song? The song was beautiful. And the inclusion, I loved the inclusion, the tomato versus not liking tomatoes yet. I mean, you got to include everybody. And so I'm not a big fan of pizza myself, but the sauce, the sauce makes it amazing. And I can't-- like if pizza didn't have sauce, it's not OK. That's like ladkes without apple sauce.
BRENT MILLER: It's like just cheese bread, I mean.
ARIANA: It's literally just cheesy bread.
BRENT MILLER: Who would ever eat cheese bread?
[LAUGHTER]
This is what I'm saying. We're just bragging that tomatoes are the plus 1 invited along to so many things.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Matt, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why you toma don't want to eat a tomato. You've got 30 seconds. And your time starts now.
MATT SPRING: Well, I was just remembering in 1949, the Mr. Potato Head went into production, a pivotal toy and a lot of people's childhood. And I was googling right now Mr. Tomato head. And the first thing that comes up is did you mean Mr. Potato Head.
So I guess I just want to know, Brent, what do I need to Google in order to find the pivotal cultural toy that we all remember based on your food? Or do I need to use Bing or something?
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: And time.
BRENT MILLER: Well, that's a good point, but maybe that's saying that tomatoes are for adults and potatoes are for little kids. Like tomatoes are a little more sophisticated, you know? Like--
ARIANA: But your judge is a little kid.
MATT SPRING: I was going to say, I'm like, welcome to this podcast for--
MOLLY BLOOM: You're not a little kid.
BRENT MILLER: Wait, you are not a little kid. I'm talking like toddlers.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Ariana a very precocious toddler. Our audience can't see. She's three years old.
BRENT MILLER: So well spoken for three.
MATT SPRING: She's in a high chair but taking all of these notes. It's really great.
MOLLY BLOOM: She's amazing.
BRENT MILLER: Solid point.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Ariana, it's a big moment. But we need you to award some points. Please give one point to the declaration of greatness you like best. And one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic to die for? Award your point. But don't tell us who is getting them. Criteria is entirely up to you and entirely subjective. Have you made your decision?
ARIANA: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Brent and Matt, how are you two feeling so far?
MATT SPRING: Not surprisingly, kind of hungry.
[LAUGHTER]
BRENT MILLER: I'm feeling a little saucy.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, well, grab a plate, salt, pepper, and a little bit of zest.
ARIANA: And we'll be right back with more Smash, Boom, Best.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
TODD DOUGLAS: Well, would you look at that. It's the bagged salad to my freezer lasagna, Taylor Lincoln.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: And look right there. It's the cheese cracker to my gas station pastry, Todd Douglas. Hey, Todd. Do you love babies?
TODD DOUGLAS: Of course, I do. The way they coo and cuddle and, you know, poop themselves.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Ahh, pretty precious, right? But sometimes caring for an infant can make you forget things like, what makes a strong argument.
TODD DOUGLAS: Ooh, sounds like you've got some hot goss, Tay.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: You bet I do. I overheard two friends using a logical fallacy the other day, which makes your argument weak. Take a listen.
[BABY GIGGLES]
ALAN: Oh, goo, goo, goo, goo, goo.
GRAM: I just love her so much.
ALAN: She's the smartest baby in the whole wide world.
GRAM: Do you ever wonder what she might become like when she's our age?
ALAN: Only every single day.
GRAM: I wonder if she's going to be a firefighter, or a mortician, or a florist.
ALAN: No, Gram, she's going to be a Senator.
GRAM: A Senator? That's interesting. I guess, I can see that.
ALAN: She's got to be a Senator, or she won't be successful.
GRAM: Whoa, that's not the only way to be successful.
ALAN: Yeah, it is, you're a Senator, or you failed in life. Two choices.
GRAM: But we're her dads. And neither of us are senators.
ALAN: Exactly.
GRAM: Wow. Low blow, Alan.
[BUZZER]
TODD DOUGLAS: Ouch. Am I ever going to be successful in this life if I'm not a Senator?
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Yes, of course, Todd. Allan was using a false dichotomy, also known as the black and white fallacy. That's when someone makes it sound like there are only two choices when actually there are lots of options.
TODD DOUGLAS: So you're saying there are more career options than just being a Senator or failing in life?
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Exactly.
TODD DOUGLAS: Phew, thank goodness because I've always wanted to be a video game tester slash food critic slash gerbil playground engineer. And honestly, Taylor, I'm not willing to give up on my dreams.
TAYLOR LINCOLN: Please don't ever give up, Todd. The world needs another video game tester, food critic, gerbil playground engineer, and it needs it very badly. We'll see you next time on State of Debate.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) Boom
Boom
Boom boom
Boom
Boom
Boom
Boom boom
Boom
Smash
Boom
Best
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom.
ARIANA: And I'm your judge, Ariana.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this festive debate idea from Linux.
LINUX: My debate idea is jetpacks versus rockets.
ARIANA: Nothing beats a duel with jet fuel.
MOLLY BLOOM: We'll check back in at the end of this episode to see which side of Linux thinks should win.
ARIANA: And now it's back to our debate, potatoes versus tomatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. And it's time for round two, the micro round. For the micro round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. For Matt and Brent, the prompt was infomercial. Matt and Brent, we want you to sell us your side infomercial style. Will there be dramatic testimonials, live demonstrations, a two for one deal? Let's hear all about your limited time offers. Matt went first last time. So Brent, you're up. What special offers does the tomato have?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
DON BOPEIL: Has this ever happened to you?
SUBJECT 6: This plain hot dog is just so plain.
DON BOPEIL: Have I got a solution for you! Hi, I'm Don Bopeil. And I'm here to solve all of the problems of your life with this simple, elegant, affordable, genius device. The tomato clapper. Simply clap your hands, and the tomato clapper puts salsa, hot sauce, and ketchup on your food faster than you can say tomato, tomato.
SUBJECT 6: Ketchup? This hot dog just went from crummy to yummy.
[LAUGHTER]
This bowl of cereal is just so dry.
DON BOPEIL: Just clap, and your cereal is now scrumptious.
SUBJECT 6: Salsa on Wheaties? I'm not sure about this one.
DON BOPEIL: Give it a try. The tomato clapper has literally never failed.
SUBJECT 6: Whoa. It's actually really good.
DON BOPEIL: The tomato clapper, a product with one single move, squirts the delicious essence of a tomato all over your mundane and boring life, turning you into a culinary star. Clap yourself to help your taste buds today.
BRENT MILLER: Get yours today for only $49.99, plus shipping and handling. But wait, order now, and we'll send you two tomato clappers for the low price of 99.99. Don't miss out on this incredible deal. Act fast because supplies are limited, and this offer won't last, even though this infomercial will run for the next 10 years.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
OK. Give me 1 minute. Just placing a quick order. OK. Done. Matt, now it's your turn to sell us on potatoes.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JIMMY: Ahh, nothing's going my way today. This kitchen is a mess and I'm exhausted.
MATT SPRING: Wow, Jimmy. That's a lot for a youngster. But I have a solution for you.
JIMMY: Really, Matt?
MATT SPRING: Yes, potatoes.
[CHEERING]
JIMMY: You mean that stuff we use to make chips?
MATT SPRING: Haha, potatoes are so much more than chips. They're nature's Swiss army knife watch. I just cut a potato in half, rub it on this rusty bike, and voila, the acid in the potato removes the rust. That's not all. Look at these dirty windows, just rub a sliced potato on the glass and the smudges disappear. Your favorite spud is your new cleaning bud.
JIMMY: Yowch! I just spilled hot cocoa on my hand.
MATT SPRING: Hang on. I have a solution. Potatoes. If you don't have a first aid kit handy, minor burns can be soothed with a sliced potato.
JIMMY: What a tubular tuber. Potatoes really are nature's Swiss army knife.
MATT SPRING: Now you're getting it. And since the day's over, relax and put these potato slices over your eyelids. It'll help bring the puffiness down.
JIMMY: Thanks, Matt and thanks, potatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Is there anything a potato can't do? I place an order for that too. I'm broke now. Oh, well. OK. What stood out to you about those two rounds? What did you like?
ARIANA: Inflation's a scam.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm sorry. Huh?
MATT SPRING: Don Popeil is up to something.
ARIANA: Seriously, like what is it with these I clap my hands and that's $100?
[LAUGHTER]
BRENT MILLER: For two, for two.
ARIANA: Yeah, only for two.
MOLLY BLOOM: A bogo.
ARIANA: And potato peels, how much is that?
MATT SPRING: You can get them literally anywhere.
ARIANA: For how much?
MATT SPRING: I'll give them to you for free. I mean, potatoes are-- listen, I don't have the market ticker in front of me right now, but less than $49.99.
[LAUGHTER]
BRENT MILLER: Are you bribing the judge with free potatoes?
MATT SPRING: No, I'm informing her they're everywhere. They sell them by the bagful.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, Ariana, it's time to award a point, but don't tell us who it's going to. Again, the criteria are totally up to you. Did someone have a product that sounded intriguing to you? Did someone sneak some facts in? Did someone make you laugh? Did someone make you think? Whatever it is, it's up to you. Have you made your decision?
ARIANA: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fantastic. Then it's time for our third around, the super stealthy--
SUBJECT 7: Haha, woo-ha.
MOLLY BLOOM: --sneak attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's sneak attack is called genre replay. For this challenge, we want each of you to come up with one glorious sentence making a case for your side. Then we'll give you three different genres. And you'll say that same sentence again in each genre. Matt and Brent, does that make sense?
BRENT MILLER: Yes.
MATT SPRING: Sure.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK.
MATT SPRING: Unless I fundamentally misunderstood what you were saying.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, we're going to start with Matt. So first let's hear your sentence about potatoes just plain.
MATT SPRING: Potatoes last far longer than tomatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hmm. Excellent work. All right. Now let's hear it in the style of a 1950s mystery movie.
ARIANA: Oh.
MATT SPRING: Mash, hey?
[LAUGHTER]
Potatoes, they, they last longer, way longer, kid, than tomatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. OK. Now let's hear it in a Western style.
MATT SPRING: Well, I'll tell you, partner. Potatoes, they'll last way longer out on the trail than whatever these tomatoes are.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, finally, let's hear it in the genre of horror.
MATT SPRING: All right, I'm just going to check over here on the counter. I left the tomato out right-- oh god, oh, no. The tomato was only been out for two weeks, but it's-- potatoes last far longer than tomatoes! Ahh! Ahh!
ARIANA: Tomato squirts everywhere.
MATT SPRING: Yep.
MOLLY BLOOM: Incredible. Incredible. All right, Brent. Now it's your turn. Let's hear your sentence for tomatoes plain.
BRENT MILLER: Potatoes are brown and boring. Tomatoes are red and radical.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh. Excellent. All right. Now let's hear it as a Shakespearean drama.
BRENT MILLER: Doth the potato beath brown and a most boring. But the tomato beath red and ridiculous.
[LAUGHTER]
MATT SPRING: Beath.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wonderful. Now let's hear it as an animated kids movie.
BRENT MILLER: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. These potatoes, they're brown and boring. Yeah, well, guess what? These tomatoes are red, and they're radical.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh. And lastly romance.
BRENT MILLER: Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
Your potatoes are so brown and boring. I know. I know. But my tomatoes are red and radical. Oh, I love you so much. I love you. I love you too.
MATT SPRING: There was the love part at the-- OK. Up until then, it was just a very uncomfortable trip to the grocery store.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, Wow. Oh, Wow. OK. Ariana, I don't know how you're going to do it. They were both so good. But it's time to award a point. Which side impressed you the most? Again, the criteria are completely up to you. Have you made your decision?
ARIANA: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, perfect. Then it's time for our final around, The Final 6. In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side. OK, Brent. Let's hear your six words for tomatoes.
BRENT MILLER: Spuds so bland, tomatoes are grand.
MOLLY BLOOM: Lovely. Nicely done. OK, Matt. It's your turn. Give us your Final 6 for potatoes.
MATT SPRING: Potatoes are spuds, tomatoes are duds.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, fascinating. These Final 6 fit together like the two very good friends you are.
ARIANA: Yeah.
MATT SPRING: Both realize spuds could be rhymed with a bunch of stuff.
BRENT MILLER: That's true.
MATT SPRING: Crack that Rubik's cube of language right at the end.
ARIANA: You two are like, hmm, interesting.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, Ariana. It is time to award a final point for this Final 6.
ARIANA: OK.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you made your final decision?
ARIANA: I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent. I'm going to ask you to tally up those points there. Are you ready to crown one team, the Smash, Boom, Best?
ARIANA: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: Drumroll, please.
[DRUMROLL]
And the winner is tomato.
MATT SPRING: Yes. You say tomato, I say tomato. Let's call the whole thing off. Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Ariana.
ARIANA: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: I need to know, what was the moment that sealed it for tomatoes?
ARIANA: It was the funny parts. I mean, it was all the laughing bits-- the laughing bits, the funny parts, the jab at the hearts.
MATT SPRING: If I had it to do over again, I would have put some funny parts in there.
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: Was it tough to make your decision, today?
ARIANA: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. No. Matt, you had funny parts too.
MATT SPRING: Thank you.
BRENT MILLER: Matt, you did great. You're one of my best spuds. And I just want to say that I do eat potatoes a lot. So I do feel for potatoes at the end of the day. So great job.
MATT SPRING: Yeah. Brent, I have to say, I'm not overly surprised that you won since you are very good at doing things like this and very funny. I wasn't surprised that you made a very funny song and honestly, the composition of all of it was pretty out of this world. So yeah, obviously. And it's always so very, very fun to work with you.
MOLLY BLOOM: Did you call him one of your best spuds?
MATT SPRING: It's what it sounded like.
BRENT MILLER: I did. I did.
ARIANA: Ah.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's so sweet. Well, that's it for today's debate battle. Ariana crowned tomatoes the Smash, Boom, Best. But what about you?
ARIANA: Head to smashboom.org, and vote to tell us who you think won.
MOLLY BLOOM: Smash, Boom, Best is brought to you by Brains On and APM Studios.
MATT SPRING: It's produced by Molly Bloom, Anna Weggel, and Aron Woldeslassie.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Evan Clarke, with sound design by Aron Woldeslassie.
BRENT MILLER: Our editors are Shahla Farzan and Sanden Totten.
MATT SPRING: And we had production help from Rosie DuPont, Anna Goldfield, Ruby Guthrie, Marc Sanchez, and Nico Gonzalez Wisler
MOLLY BLOOM: Our executive producer is Beth Perlman. And the APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto. And we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross and Taylor Kaufman. Matt, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to, today?
MATT SPRING: I'd like to give a shout out to my kids, Maximus, age seven, Minerva, age four, who have always been big supporters and cheerleaders for potatoes.
MOLLY BLOOM: And how about you, Brent? Any special shout outs?
BRENT MILLER: A special shout out to my family. And also a shout out to the month of July and August for being the best time to pick and eat a tomato.
MOLLY BLOOM: Very true. And Ariana, how about you. Any special thanks or shout outs?
ARIANA: I would like to give a shout out to my mom, dad, brother, all my friends at school. So I'm going to say Eleanor, John, Stella.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's lovely. Hi, Eleanor, John, and Stella. Before we go, let's check in and see who Linux thinks should win the jetpacks versus rockets debate.
LINUX: I think jetpacks would win because you can fly freely.
MOLLY BLOOM: If you're between the ages of 13 and 18, and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knock-down drag-out debate. Head to smashboom.org/contact and drop us a line. And make sure to subscribe to Brains On Universe on YouTube, where you can watch animated versions of some of your favorite episodes. We'll be back with a new Smash, Boom, Best debate battle.
MATT SPRING: See you later.
[MUSIC PLAYING] Ooh, you're the Smash, Boom, Best. Ooh, better than the rest. It's a Smash, Boom, Best. It's Smash, Boom, Best.
BRENT MILLER: Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
Transcription services provided by 3Play Media.
