Beloved host and sloth lover, Molly Bloom, takes on Brains On producer and cheetah enthusiast, Sanden Totten. Which team will triumph? Grab your Smarty Pass to hear and find out!
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MOLLY BLOOM: Now entering Brains On headquarters.
[DOOR OPENS]
This month, our Smash Boom Best bonus episode is a little different. We're sharing a super special debate between Sanden and me. It's cheetahs versus sloths. This debate is an exclusive for Smarty Pass holders. All October, we're going to ask Brains On universe listeners to support the show by subscribing to Smarty Pass. And to celebrate, we'll host a virtual Smarty Party in November just for Smarty Pass subscribers like you. Thank you so much for supporting our show.
From the Brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best.
MASON: The show for people with big opinions.
JOY DOLO: I'm Joy Dolo, and this is Smash Boom Best, where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. This is a special bonus episode for all of you, our debate club members. I've been a debater on this show. Two for two, baby. And today, I'm stepping in for your host, Molly Bloom, so she can debate. She's taking on her arch-nemesis and very dear friend, Sanden Totten, in a rollicking zoological showdown about which creature is cooler, sloths or cheetahs.
SPEAKER 1: I think sloths are cooler because they are really cute, and they live life to the fullest.
SPEAKER 2: Cheetahs are cooler because they will be really good soccer players.
SPEAKER 3: I think cheetahs are cooler because they can run fast. And I like animals that are fast.
SPEAKER 4: I think sloths are better than cheetahs because they can smile, which is super cute.
JOY DOLO: Which animal will triumph, slow and steady sloths or speedy spitfire cheetahs? We have Mason here to help us decide. Hi, Mason.
MASON: Hi.
JOY DOLO: So, Mason, what do you know about sloths?
MASON: Honestly, not that much. I'm really impressed by their anatomy. The three claws seem really practical, and they look really cool. And I tend to feel like one when I'm getting up for school in the morning. But besides that, my knowledge of sloths is pretty limited.
JOY DOLO: I can totally relate getting up in the morning. I feel very slothy. And cheetahs, what do you know about cheetahs?
MASON: Unfortunately, I don't know all that much about them either. They're just big, lanky cats who run really fast. Yeah, I'm excited to learn a little bit about them today.
JOY DOLO: So I hear you're a fierce debater.
MASON: I don't know if I'd describe myself like that, but yeah, I'm a debater in St. Paul. I primarily debate in the Minnesota Urban Debate League. It's a format called policy. It just means one team proposes a governmental action. And their goal is to prove to the judge that it's a good course of action. And then the negative, the other side, has to prove that it's bad.
JOY DOLO: Wow, it sounds like you're really deep in the debate world, then, huh?
MASON: Yeah, kind of. I've been doing it since middle school. There was a really cute girl on the team, so I had to sign up. And it ended up developing into this activity that has given me all sorts of opportunities like this one today. And so it's been super, super amazing.
JOY DOLO: Awesome, awesome. Now, without further ado, let's introduce our magnificent debaters. Here to represent those sweet, dopey-eyed darlings we call sloths, it's Smash Boom Best and Brains On host, Molly Bloom.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, Joy.
JOY DOLO: Hi, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, Joy.
JOY DOLO: I'm so excited.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, Mason. I'm so nervous. Hi.
JOY DOLO: No, you're going to do so good.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, OK.
JOY DOLO: Just breathe deep. Molly, in one sentence, why are sloths superior to cheetahs?
MOLLY BLOOM: There are so many reasons. But I'm just going to say, sloths are role models for all of us.
JOY DOLO: Sloths are role models for all of us. I'm going to write that down.
MASON: That's profound.
JOY DOLO: Profound, absolutely. Nice. Fabulous. Now, in the other corner, speaking in defense of those fast and furious felines we call cheetahs, it's science journalist, Brains On producer, and editor extraordinaire, Sanden Totten. Hi, Sanden.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Hey, Team Cheetah.
JOY DOLO: Now, Sanden, you've got one sentence to introduce us to the glory of cheetahs. Let's hear it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Cheetahs are amazing and marvelous. Not just because they're fast, but because of all the other amazing things they do that I will tell you about.
JOY DOLO: Ooh, I can't wait. Now let's run through the rounds of debate. First up, we've got the Declaration of Greatness. Sanden and Molly will each deliver crazy facts, expert opinions, and heart-melting stories about their side. Then we've got the Micro Round, a funny, creative challenge they've prepared for in advance.
Next, we've got the Sneak Attack, a surprise challenge that will send Molly and Sanden scrambling to invent something clever and persuasive on the spot. Finally, we've got the Final Six. Each side will have just six words to persuade the judge that their side is the Smash Boom Best. After each round, Mason will award a point to either Team Sloth or Team Cheetah.
Listeners at home, you should keep score, too. Use scratch paper or download a score card from smashboom.org. At the end of the debate, Mason will tally up his points. And reveal the winner. But listeners, we want to know who you think won, too. Head to smashboom.org and vote. Sound good, Mason?
MASON: Yes.
JOY DOLO: Now, let's get this debate started. Molly and Sanden, are you ready?
MOLLY BLOOM: So ready.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Yes! Let's do it.
JOY DOLO: Excellent. It's time for the--
MOLLY BLOOM: Declaration of Greatness.
JOY DOLO: We flipped a coin, and sloths are up first. Let's hear it, Molly. Why are sloths cooler than cheetahs?
MOLLY BLOOM: Inspired by my energy-conserving, tree-dwelling, slow-moving best friends for life, I'm going to start with a low-hanging fruit. Sloths are adorable. In case you haven't seen the many videos, GIFs, T-shirts, books, pencil cases, lunch boxes, and other items that feature these glorious mammals, let me paint a picture for you.
Their arms are long with graceful curved claws that would put X-men's Wolverine to shame. Their fur is luxurious, but it's their faces that have won over the hearts of all humans everywhere, big, round, dark eyes, little upturned snouts, and a permanent closed-mouth grin. Who could resist a snuggle?
Sloths of different kinds have lived on this planet longer than we humans. And they used to be big, real big. Meet Megatherium.
[LOUD FOOTSTEPS]
MEGATHERIUM: Hello, there.
MOLLY BLOOM: This giant ground sloth lived in South America as recently as 8,000 years ago. When I say giant, I'm talking elephant-sized. And if that wasn't enough, they could stand and walk on their hind legs, making them the largest mammal to ever walk upright. Even though they had large, sharp claws, these giant fellas were vegetarians and were likely eaten by humans--
MEGATHERIUM: Oh, nooo!
MOLLY BLOOM: --who probably drove them to extinction. Oops, sorry, guys. But their living relatives, the two and three-toed sloths are so much more than just adorable good looks and fierce giant ancestors. They are chill. They are kind. Sloths are role models for us all.
LUCY COOKE: The philosophy of the sloth is to spend its energy wisely and lead a peaceful existence in the trees.
MOLLY BLOOM: Lucy Cooke is a zoologist and the founder of the Sloth Appreciation Society.
LUCY COOKE: They are masters of saving energy. And their whole lifestyle and their bodies are perfectly adapted to spending as little energy as possible.
MOLLY BLOOM: Sloths' slow, deliberate movements are not a sign of laziness. They are a sign of efficiency. They move as little as possible to conserve energy. They have three extra vertebrae in their neck, so they can swivel their heads almost all the way around. Another neat energy-saving trick, why move to see something when you can just turn your head?
Sloths even recycle their farts. Instead of expelling the gas that's produced by digestion, like most animals, sloths slowly reabsorb the gas into their bloodstream. And as that gas is produced in the stomach--
LUCY COOKE: It forms a buoyancy device that enables them to swim very well. So sloths actually can swim three times faster than they can move on land because they have this incredibly gassy, buoyant stomach.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. Sloths can swim. And they can swim fast, kept afloat by the buoyancy of their farts. They can drop in the water to swim over to another tree. And they're prepared if the rainforest they're living in happens to flood. Plus, they can hold their breath for 40 minutes.
So much about the sloth is perfectly designed for their lifestyle, staying chill and saving energy by doing as little as possible, which leaves one mystery, the way sloths poop. Sloths do everything in the trees, sleep, mate, eat, give birth. But three-toed sloths come down to the ground for their one giant weekly poop. It's one-third of their body weight. Yeah, that's right.
And this has baffled scientists. Three-toed sloths spend their whole lives moving as little as possible, but they use a ton of energy to climb down a tree to the ground where they are most vulnerable to predators? It makes no sense.
JONATHAN PAULI: Imagine if you had to go poop, but before you had to go poop, you had to go on a two-mile run. And before you went poop, that two-mile run had to occur on an interstate. Why would you-- there must be a clear advantage to doing that.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's University of Wisconsin wildlife ecologist Jonathan Pauli. He and his team study sloths in Costa Rica. And they really wanted an answer to this stinky mystery. Jonathan thought maybe this pooping process was tied to the three-toed sloths' closest neighbors, the flightless moths that live in their fur.
Jonathan and his team found out the moth's life cycle is intimately tied to sloth poop. When the sloth comes down to poop, the adult female moth hops off and lays its eggs in the sloth poop.
MOTH: So long, Slothy.
MOLLY BLOOM: The eggs hatch, the baby larva moths eat the poop. Then when they become adults--
MOTHS: Hey, look at us.
MOLLY BLOOM: --they fly up into the trees where they live on the sloths' fur--
MOTH: Home sweet home.
MOLLY BLOOM: --lose the ability to fly and eventually die.
[SAD MUSIC]
But why would three-toed sloths risk their lives to help these moths? It turns out that when these moths die and decompose on sloths, they produce fertilizer for the green algae that covers and coats the three-toed sloths' fur. This algae provides camouflage for the three-toed sloth, which is crucial because they don't really have other ways of defending themselves.
So Jonathan's team looked and found that the three-toed sloths who embarked on these pooping adventures had more algae on their fur than the two-toed sloths that didn't leave their trees to poop.
JONATHAN PAULI: And maybe, just maybe, all that risk that they encounter on the ground is offset by all the benefits they have from cultivating the moths who feed the algae, which cloak the sloth.
MOLLY BLOOM: Sloths are super cool because they've adapted to survive, but they do it on their own terms. They go to great lengths to help their neighbors. They recycle and conserve. They know that slow and steady wins every race. And they do it all with serene, happy grins on their very adorable faces.
JOY DOLO: What a crazy collection of sloth facts.
MASON: That was really captivating.
JOY DOLO: That was really captivating, yeah. I think it's a great metaphor for life, too. Like, we all need to leave our trees to poop.
MASON: At some point, yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah.
JOY DOLO: Am I right?
MOLLY BLOOM: You are so right.
JOY DOLO: [LAUGHS] What did you think about Molly's declaration, Mason?
MASON: I really liked the imagery of the large like, wookiee-esque vegans who walk around with these gassy life jackets and poop camouflage jackets. It was really good.
JOY DOLO: Well, let's hear Team Cheetah's rebuttal. Sanden, you have 30 seconds to respond. And your time starts now.
SANDEN TOTTEN: So first of all, you mentioned that sloths are cute. You led with that. But if that's their best feature, have you seen a baby cheetah? They are adorable. Picture tiny little fuzzballs with little spots and their adorable faces, they're just the most. Also, giant sloths went extinct. Maybe a little speed would have help them. That's a good thing to have in general.
And you say that one reason they need to move so slowly is they're just conserving energy. But it's also in part, Molly didn't mention this, because they eat poorly. They just eat these leaves all day, and they don't get enough nutrients.
JOY DOLO: And time. Sanden, the speed demon, gives us a sizzling rebuttal. Goodness.
MOLLY BLOOM: I just I think it's interesting that the vegan is dissing the all-vegetarian diet of--
SANDEN TOTTEN: I mean, I didn't hear the meat, beans. I didn't hear any protein in there. Just leaves. Even a vegan needs to get protein.
MOLLY BLOOM: They have multi-chambered stomachs that help them extract all of the good nutrients from those delicious, delicious leaves.
JOY DOLO: I'm going to put you two in a corner. I'm going to put you two in a corner. All right. Now it's time for your Declaration of Greatness for those fast cats. Cheetahs, let's hear it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: We all know why cheetahs are famous. It's because they're good at Instagram. Just kidding! It's because they're the fastest land animal in the world! These turbo kitties can hit over 60 miles per hour in three seconds flat. That's like one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, boom! You've broken the speed limit.
OFFICER: Pull over the cat, and step away from the feline.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Sorry, Officer, but this kitty was born to run, literally. Cheetahs are born with all sorts of features that make them perfect purr rockets. They've got long legs, a stretched-out spine, and a tail that works like a rudder, helping to steer them as they sprint. Plus, their semi-retractable claws give them great traction, like a built-in cleat. So it's no wonder that cheetahs are like the star of every nature documentary ever.
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): Watch as the cheetah stalks its prey, so quiet, so graceful, so totally awesome.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Cheetahs are great hunters, too. The yellow fur and dark spots lets them blend in with dry grasses and brush. And in the center of their eyes, they have a band of lots and lots of vision cells, the kind that let them see things super sharply. It's called a visual streak. And it helps them spot prey.
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): I'm sorry, I thought I was narrating this documentary.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, sorry.
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): Now, as I was saying, the cheetahs approaching the herd of gazelles and yes, there it goes, like a bolt of lightning. It sinks its claws in the prey. That gazelle never stood a chance.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, that reminds me, cheetahs have large nasal passages so they can catch their breath and recover quickly after a run. So cool, right?
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): That is cool. I mean, I totally knew that.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Now, compare that with a nature doc on a sloth.
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): Now watch as the sloth stalks a leaf or just sits there, or maybe it's dead. I honestly don't know.
SANDEN TOTTEN: What a snooze fest. But cheetahs are so much more than just swift hunters.
ANNE HILBORN: They're just enchanting to watch because they're social and because they interact with each other.
SANDEN TOTTEN: That's Anne Hilborn, a cheetah researcher at the University of California in Riverside. She says, like you and me, cheetahs spend time with friends and family. And that has real benefits for them. For instance, cheetah cubs aren't born knowing how to hunt, so mom steps in.
ANNE HILBORN: The mother, when she hunts something really small, say, a hare or a gazelle fawn, won't kill it. And then she'll capture it and bring it back alive to her cubs and then let it go. And the cubs have to chase it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Eventually, these savanna sweeties learn to pounce on their practice prey and even kill it so they can feed themselves. But it's not just moms. Male cheetahs are social, too. Sometimes they form what's called a coalition. And these are pairs of males, usually brothers, but sometimes just friends, and they bond for life. Here's Ann again.
ANNE HILBORN: So they will hunt together and groom each other and move around their territory if they have one together and defend it together. They'll pee on trees to mark their territory together, or if they don't have a territory, they're just always with each other.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Sometimes they even cuddle when they sleep. What a great example of sensitive masculinity. Not only do cheetahs help each other, they've been known to help people, too. In the 7th Century AD, hunters would train cheetahs to help with hunts.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
HUNTER: It's true.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Whoa! Hey, random ancient hunter dude. Is that a cheetah on the back of your saddle?
HUNTER: Why, yes, it is. In the Middle East, where I'm from, cheetah would accompany nobility, like myself, on hunts. They'd ride with us on horseback, perched on a saddle, like Mr. Whiskers here.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wow, fascinating. Who knew cheetahs could ride on the back of horses? Could they be any cooler?
HUNTER: Nope. Now, Sir Chompers--
[HORSE NEIGHS]
--take me and Mr. Whiskers off into the sunset. Hi-yah!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wow, cheetahs have it all, epic speed, epic hunting skills, epic social bonds. And guess what, they have an epic voice to match because this is what they sound like.
[CHEETAH CHIRPS]
Totes adorbs, right? Turns out, these cutie patooties with the spotted booties don't roar, they chirp. It's because of how their throats are built. And can we please hear some more, please?
[CHEETAH CHIRPING]
I mean, seriously, isn't that everything? Cheetahs are also one of the large cats that purr, too.
[CHEETAH PURRING]
Oh, I think I found my new ringtone. I can listen to that all day. In conclusion, cheetahs are extremely versatile. Swift and vicious? Sure, when they need to be. Affectionate and adorable? Uh, yeah, because like us, these cats contain multitudes. And that's why cheetahs are the total package and clearly, the Smash Boom Best.
JOY DOLO: Sanden, that was great. [LAUGHS] I had no idea they chirped.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I know. I was really surprised when I first time I clicked a video. And I was like, no, this is the wrong audio. But no, they actually have a wide range of different vocal sounds that they make. And they're not really the meowing cat you would think, so.
JOY DOLO: Not at all. Well, Mason, what did you like about that declaration and what gave you paws? Get it?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Ooh!
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh!
MASON: Well, I was taken a-cat by his speedy obsession. He did very little to calm my fears of lankiness. And they just seemed like glorified track runners or cuddling revolutionaries. And he said epic four times, which is like, it's going to be difficult to come back from. I think he has a lot of ground to make up after this one.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, my.
JOY DOLO: Ooh, you got in.
MOLLY BLOOM: I don't even need to do rebuttal.
JOY DOLO: Yeah, we could just skip right over that.
MASON: No, I'm just kidding. It was very good. And I appreciated the chirping.
JOY DOLO: Molly, let's hear your rebuttal, and go.
MOLLY BLOOM: So Sanden said they have this camouflage. That's because they need it because they need to sneak up slowly on their prey because they can only run fast for 30 seconds at a time. And then they get really tired and need to stop because their muscles are full of lactic acid. Oh, boy.
You said you couldn't see the sloth because it was hardly moving. Well, a 2014 study found that cheetahs only spend about 12% of their day actually moving. Who's lazy now? And OK, so they ride horses, great, helping humans, being a pet. Isn't it cooler to be out in the wild chasing prey?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Time!
MOLLY BLOOM: Stick it to the man, cheetahs.
JOY DOLO: Ooh. I don't know about you, Mason, but it's getting warm.
MASON: Yes, it's getting blazing.
JOY DOLO: Very warm. Well, that means it's time, then, it's time to award a point. Based on everything you've heard, which animal seems cooler to you? Mark down your point, but do not tell us who you're voting for.
MOLLY BLOOM: [SIGHS] I'm nervous.
JOY DOLO: Have you decided?
MASON: Yes.
[BELL DINGS]
JOY DOLO: Listeners, you, too. But don't say who you're voting for. We're going to give these animals a short break so they can go eat some gazelles or leaves or take a giant poop. I don't know, whatever they got to do.
MASON: And we'll be right back with three more rounds of Smash Boom Best. Bra-cka-cka-cka-cka. Ow!
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: That was good.
SPEAKER 1: Smash.
SPEAKER 2: Boom.
SPEAKER 1: Best.
JOY DOLO: You're listening to Smash Boom Best.
MASON: The show about showdowns.
JOY DOLO: We love getting debate suggestions from our listeners, like this one from Mila in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
MILA: My debate suggestion is space versus Earth.
JOY DOLO: Stay tuned at the end of the episode to see who Mila thinks would triumph. And now, back to the debate of the day.
MASON: Cheetahs versus sloths.
JOY DOLO: That's right. It's time for our next round, the--
MOLLY BLOOM: Micro Round.
[BELL DINGS]
JOY DOLO: Here's the challenge. Create a hit reality TV show starring your side. Is it a competition show, a makeover show, a dating show? The world of unscripted television is your oyster. Give your show a name, introduce us to the characters, and tease some dramatic moments from the upcoming season. Convince Mason to tune in.
Molly went first last time. So Sanden, you're up. What is Team Cheetah up to on reality TV?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I wanted to have a little fun with this one, so I thought of a genre of reality TV that I thought would fit a group of cats. So we're going to go with something that gets a little catty here, but also gets it the fact that these are social creatures, and they have real relationships just like us. Hit it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
You're watching the Real Housecats of the Serengeti.
[ANIMALS GROWLING, CHIRPING]
CHELSEA: Hey, Chandra Cheetah.
CHANDRA: Chelsea, my favorite spotted lady. Thanks for coming to my brunch, girl.
CHELSEA: You kidding me? Us cheetahs got to stick together. Who else is coming?
CHANDRA: Oh, just Lindy.
CHELSEA: Lindy? Lindy the Lion?
CHANDRA: Yeah, Lindy Lions. You know her, right?
CHELSEA: Oh, I know her. And I can't stand her. Two weeks ago, I had just got the best-looking impala for me and my cubs when who comes walking up to my kill like she owns it? That's right, Lindy Lions. Obviously, I had to run because a hungry lion will actually attack a cheetah, and I couldn't risk her hurting my cubs. But when she gets here, the claws come out.
CHANDRA: Oh, really? I'm sorry, Chelsea. I wish I knew. I totally knew. But I invited Lindy, anyway, because who doesn't love a good catfight?
LINDY: Hey, my fine felines.
CHANDRA: Hey, Lindy, looking good. Have a seat.
CHELSEA: Yeah, take a chair. While you're at it, why not take someone else's meal, too.
LINDY: What are you talking about, Chelsea? I would never.
CHELSEA: Oh, so not only are you a lion, but you're a lying lion, too?
LINDY: Oh, you mean that little impala snack? I thought you were done with it.
CHELSEA: It was barely dead! Don't make me leap across the table, Lindy. You know cheetahs can go 20 feet in a single bound.
LINDY: Puh-lease. You can't mess with a lioness. We are the queens of the Savannah.
CHELSEA: Just because you're top of the food chain doesn't mean you should be a bully.
[LION GROWLS, CHEETAH CHIRPS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Next time on the Real Housecats of the Serengeti.
LINDY: Hey, Chandra, why so sad?
CHANDRA: I was sprinting at like 60 miles an hour. And I chipped my semi-retractable nails. I just had them done, too.
[LAUGHING]
JOY DOLO: Excellent. I would definitely watch that show.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Yeah.
JOY DOLO: That was unreal.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And we are all dressed to the nines, too, in spotted animal prints. It's just natural.
JOY DOLO: What did you think, Mason?
MASON: It seems very intriguing. Interspecies drama is some of the best kind. A little evolutionary struggle there between the lioness and the cheetah.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I wanted to point out, too, cheetahs, they're not the top of the food chain. And some people might see that as a disadvantage. They're not-- lions are definitely the top in that ecosystem. But I see it as more relatable because like us, they got it coming from the top and the bottom. They got to be on the lookout and everything. We all feel that. Cheetahs, they're like us.
JOY DOLO: Yeah, I totally feel that. Sanden speaking to my soul. All right, Molly, sloth it up and slow off.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
JOY DOLO: Do you get it? Do you get what I mean when I say that?
MASON: I really like that pun.
MOLLY BLOOM: I liked it.
[LAUGHING]
JOY DOLO: Anyway, we want to know all about your reality TV show experience starring Team Sloth.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, I feel like sloths are a little misunderstood, and I just wanted to give them a chance to show off their many talents. Roll it.
ELLIE: You're watching Animals Got Talent. I'm your host, Ellie Elephant. Our first audition tonight is Chuck E. Cheetah. Let's see if his talent can wow our panel of judges. Chuck has taken the stage and-- oops, looks like he's not taking the time to introduce himself. He's just running, but very fast, running in circles. Oh, yes, our judges look thrilled by this high velocity.
Oh, now it looks like Chuck is lying down, and now he's asleep?
[CHUCK SNORES]
Chuck?
[BUZZER]
Oh, wow.
AUDIENCE: Boo!
ELLIE: All four judges have given him the rejection buzzer simultaneously. Chuck seems exhausted after that very, very short sprint. Can someone help him off the stage? As Chuck is helped off the stage, I'll introduce our next Animals Got Talent hopeful, Sloopy Sloth.
[CHEERING]
SLOOPY (SLOWLY): Hello, judges.
JUDGE: What will you be doing for us today?
SLOOPY (SLOWLY): I am going to hang upside-down for as long as you will let me.
[ALL GASPING]
ELLIE: Sloopy is hanging upside-down on a branch. She makes it look so easy. Her muscles have evolved for exceptional endurance. And her intestines are even attached to her torso, so she can breathe easily while upside-down. It's truly remarkable. And look how serene that smile.
[BELL CHIMES]
Oh, my goodness. Judge Simon Howell has given her the Golden Buzzer. Sloopy is going through to the next round. Simon, what do you have to say?
SIMON (SLOWLY): I am simply speechless. It was just so, so beautiful.
ELLIE: Well done, Sloopy. We'll be back after this with more Animals Got Talent.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JOY DOLO: Wow, sweet. I think I'd watch that, too. Simon gave him a good score.
MASON: If Simon's on, then I'm definitely tuning in.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm-hmm.
JOY DOLO: Oh, you would tune in, Mason?
MASON: Well, only for Simon, not because there's sloth just hanging out. That seems like a little bit monotonous to me.
[LAUGHING]
I'm not going to lie. You're going to have to make up some ground after that one.
JOY DOLO: Ooh!
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, dear.
JOY DOLO: Now it's coming for you, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, man.
SANDEN TOTTEN: This is a judge with fierce opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mason's tough.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I love it.
JOY DOLO: Yeah, I like it. I like it. All right, well, I think it's time to award a point, Mason. You've decided?
MASON: Yes.
[BELL DINGS]
JOY DOLO: Great. Then it's time for our next round.
MEN: Ha-ha! Hoo-ha!
MOLLY BLOOM: Sneak Attack.
JOY DOLO: This round is a surprise. Molly and Sanden don't know what's coming. Your challenge is knock, knock, joke off. We want each of you to come up with two knock, knock jokes, one about your side and one about the opposition. Feel free to work in some cool facts about your side, too, or you can rely entirely on your punny bones. While you two work, we're going to listen to some hold music.
[JAZZY MUSIC] Turbo kitty zipping past
It's a cheetah running super fast
Spotted cuties, they love to eat gazelle
Tree-hugging sloths take their time
Peace-loving creatures so sublime
Hanging upside-down, munching on yummy leaves
JOY DOLO: Are you both ready?
MOLLY BLOOM: In a sense.
SANDEN TOTTEN: [LAUGHS] Bring on that door. Let's get a knock in.
JOY DOLO: Great. Since Sanden went last time, it's your turn, Molly. Let's hear your first joke about che-che-che-cheetahs.
MOLLY BLOOM: Knock, knock.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Who's there?
MOLLY BLOOM: You better.
SANDEN TOTTEN: You better, who?
MOLLY BLOOM: You better run away, cheetah, because a lion's coming. Can you climb that tree? Oh, no, you can't. But the lion can. The end.
[LAUGHTER]
JOY DOLO: Sanden, it's your turn now. So let's hear your wisecrack about sloths.
SANDEN TOTTEN: All right. Knock, knock.
MOLLY BLOOM: Who's there?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Puh.
MOLLY BLOOM: Puh, who?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Puh-ooing once a week is really weird, dude. And also, when sloths are most vulnerable to predators, what a way to go right after you've gone.
JOY DOLO: Molly, let's hear your quip about sloths.
MOLLY BLOOM: Knock, knock.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Who's there?
MOLLY BLOOM: Wilma.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wilma, who?
MOLLY BLOOM: Wil-mah sloths win over your heart and save the planet? Of course, they will.
JOY DOLO: Oh, that's so sweet. Sanden, let's hear your knee-slapper about cheetahs.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Knock, knock.
MOLLY BLOOM: Who's there?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Feline.
MOLLY BLOOM: Feline, who?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I'd fe-lying if I didn't think cheetahs totally got it going on.
[LAUGHING]
MOLLY BLOOM: That's a good pun.
JOY DOLO: That was good. That was really great. You both did wonderful.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, did we?
JOY DOLO: That's a hard challenge. That's very hard. Mason, I want you to think deeply about what you just heard. Use whatever judging criteria you think fits this round best and award a point. But don't tell us who is coming out on top. Have you decided?
MASON: Yeah, I am.
JOY DOLO: Oh, yeah. You decided.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, my gosh.
JOY DOLO: Excellent. Everyone, take a deep breath. It's time for our final round.
MOLLY BLOOM: The Final Six.
JOY DOLO: Molly and Sanden, you each have six words left to convince Mason all other debate club members listening at home that your side is the Smash Boom Best. Sanden, you're up first. Let's hear it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: All right, here we go. Cheetahs, relatable, sloths, debatable, pit cats.
[LAUGHTER]
MASON: The rhyming was excellent there.
JOY DOLO: The rhyming is always great. All right, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: Rhyming?
JOY DOLO: Let's hear a six-word summary of why sloths are the cooler creature.
MOLLY BLOOM: Endurance beats speed, plus buoyant farts.
JOY DOLO: [LAUGHING] Me, too. Mason, this is it. Please award your final point, but do not tell us who you're going with.
SANDEN TOTTEN: My heart is racing like I just chased a gazelle.
[LAUGHTER]
MASON: I rendered a verdict.
JOY DOLO: All right, everyone, the moment has arrived. Mason, who has won this Smash Boom battle? Drum roll, please.
[DRUM ROLL]
MASON: I have to give this one to cheetahs.
MOLLY BLOOM: What?
MASON: Sanden, did an excellent job. He had two puns in the Sneak Attack round off the top of his head. That was really impressive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Puns.
MASON: And I think there was a missed opportunity for rhyming in the Final Six on Molly's part.
JOY DOLO: Wow.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, it all came down to rhyming and puns.
MASON: Yes, I'm a simple-- I'm a simple judge.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow. Wow.
JOY DOLO: Do you use rhyming in your techniques when you debate, too?
MASON: Occasionally. If I have a little extra time to be lyrical, I might throw in--
JOY DOLO: Oh, wow.
MASON: --to put a little spice.
MOLLY BLOOM: Sanden did make cheetahs very relatable. And those cute little chirps, it's hard to beat that.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Molly, I really-- I can't believe I won because I thought you did such a good job that I was like, quaking the whole time. You made so many neat facts about sloths. They already have it going on with just how cute and chill they are. But the whole thing about their weird digestive process, I mean, as a biology geek, I couldn't be more fascinated.
MOLLY BLOOM: Thanks, Sanden.
JOY DOLO: That's so great. See, Smash Boom Best brings people together.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And let's be honest, aren't we all a little bit cheetah and a little bit sloth?
MOLLY BLOOM: Exactly.
JOY DOLO: Well, Mason thinks cheetah won, but what about you?
MASON: Head to smashboom.org and vote right now.
JOY DOLO: Smash Boom Best is a creation of the people at Brains On and American Public Media.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's produced by Marc Sanchez, Sanden Totten, Elissa Dudley, Rosie duPont, and me, Molly Bloom.
SANDEN TOTTEN: We had engineering help from Corey Schreppel and Donald Paz.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we had production help from Monica Wilhelm, Christina Lopez, and Lauren Dee.
JOY DOLO: We want to give a special thanks to [? Riggs ?] and [? Collins, ?] [? Boating ?] [? Bowling, ?] Eric Ringham, and John Rabey. Sanden, is there anyone you want to thank today?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I want to thank Anne Hilborn, my cheetah researching pal, and also Chester Cheetah, who fueled many late night study sessions when I was younger with his delicious Cheetos family brand of snacks.
JOY DOLO: I see you've been working on this for years. How about you, Molly?
MOLLY BLOOM: I'd like to thank my wonderful voice actors, Joanna Simmons and Curtis Gilbert. And I want to thank my sloth experts, Jonathan Pauli and Lucy Cooke. I'm definitely going to join the Sloth Appreciation Society. And I'd like to thank my family for supporting me during this harrowing journey.
JOY DOLO: [LAUGHS] It has been a journey. What about you, Mason, do you have any special shout-outs?
MASON: Yeah, shout-out to my mom for raising me. That was pretty big in getting me here. And just thanks for having me. It was super fun. And I'd love to come back sometime.
JOY DOLO: You were awesome. Really, really great. Before we sign off, let's hear from Mila again. She's the listener who suggested the Earth versus space debate.
MILA: I think space would win because we know more about Earth, and space is just like bigger. And it's more complicated.
JOY DOLO: She is absolutely right.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's true.
JOY DOLO: Profound. There's been a lot of profound things happening here today. All right, thanks again, debate club members. We couldn't have made this show without your incredible support. And keep sending us your debate ideas. We love to hear them. Catch you later, debate heads.
ALL: Bye.
SANDEN TOTTEN: You're sloth-some.
[THEME SONG] Ooh, you're the Smash Boom Best
Ooh, put you through the test
Ooh, you're the Smash Boom Best
Ooh, better than the rest
Its Smash Boom Best
It's Smash Boom Best
JOY DOLO: Knock, knock.
MASON: Who's there?
JOY DOLO: Cheetah.
MASON: Cheetah, who?
JOY DOLO: Cheaters never prosper.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, that's good. That was low-hanging fruit. Oh, that is so good.
JOY DOLO: It's good. I have one more. You have to listen to it. Knock, knock.
MASON: Who's there?
JOY DOLO: Too fast.
MASON: Too fast, who--
JOY DOLO: That was too fast for you.
[DOOR OPENS]
This month, our Smash Boom Best bonus episode is a little different. We're sharing a super special debate between Sanden and me. It's cheetahs versus sloths. This debate is an exclusive for Smarty Pass holders. All October, we're going to ask Brains On universe listeners to support the show by subscribing to Smarty Pass. And to celebrate, we'll host a virtual Smarty Party in November just for Smarty Pass subscribers like you. Thank you so much for supporting our show.
From the Brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best.
MASON: The show for people with big opinions.
JOY DOLO: I'm Joy Dolo, and this is Smash Boom Best, where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. This is a special bonus episode for all of you, our debate club members. I've been a debater on this show. Two for two, baby. And today, I'm stepping in for your host, Molly Bloom, so she can debate. She's taking on her arch-nemesis and very dear friend, Sanden Totten, in a rollicking zoological showdown about which creature is cooler, sloths or cheetahs.
SPEAKER 1: I think sloths are cooler because they are really cute, and they live life to the fullest.
SPEAKER 2: Cheetahs are cooler because they will be really good soccer players.
SPEAKER 3: I think cheetahs are cooler because they can run fast. And I like animals that are fast.
SPEAKER 4: I think sloths are better than cheetahs because they can smile, which is super cute.
JOY DOLO: Which animal will triumph, slow and steady sloths or speedy spitfire cheetahs? We have Mason here to help us decide. Hi, Mason.
MASON: Hi.
JOY DOLO: So, Mason, what do you know about sloths?
MASON: Honestly, not that much. I'm really impressed by their anatomy. The three claws seem really practical, and they look really cool. And I tend to feel like one when I'm getting up for school in the morning. But besides that, my knowledge of sloths is pretty limited.
JOY DOLO: I can totally relate getting up in the morning. I feel very slothy. And cheetahs, what do you know about cheetahs?
MASON: Unfortunately, I don't know all that much about them either. They're just big, lanky cats who run really fast. Yeah, I'm excited to learn a little bit about them today.
JOY DOLO: So I hear you're a fierce debater.
MASON: I don't know if I'd describe myself like that, but yeah, I'm a debater in St. Paul. I primarily debate in the Minnesota Urban Debate League. It's a format called policy. It just means one team proposes a governmental action. And their goal is to prove to the judge that it's a good course of action. And then the negative, the other side, has to prove that it's bad.
JOY DOLO: Wow, it sounds like you're really deep in the debate world, then, huh?
MASON: Yeah, kind of. I've been doing it since middle school. There was a really cute girl on the team, so I had to sign up. And it ended up developing into this activity that has given me all sorts of opportunities like this one today. And so it's been super, super amazing.
JOY DOLO: Awesome, awesome. Now, without further ado, let's introduce our magnificent debaters. Here to represent those sweet, dopey-eyed darlings we call sloths, it's Smash Boom Best and Brains On host, Molly Bloom.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, Joy.
JOY DOLO: Hi, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, Joy.
JOY DOLO: I'm so excited.
MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, Mason. I'm so nervous. Hi.
JOY DOLO: No, you're going to do so good.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK, OK.
JOY DOLO: Just breathe deep. Molly, in one sentence, why are sloths superior to cheetahs?
MOLLY BLOOM: There are so many reasons. But I'm just going to say, sloths are role models for all of us.
JOY DOLO: Sloths are role models for all of us. I'm going to write that down.
MASON: That's profound.
JOY DOLO: Profound, absolutely. Nice. Fabulous. Now, in the other corner, speaking in defense of those fast and furious felines we call cheetahs, it's science journalist, Brains On producer, and editor extraordinaire, Sanden Totten. Hi, Sanden.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Hey, Team Cheetah.
JOY DOLO: Now, Sanden, you've got one sentence to introduce us to the glory of cheetahs. Let's hear it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Cheetahs are amazing and marvelous. Not just because they're fast, but because of all the other amazing things they do that I will tell you about.
JOY DOLO: Ooh, I can't wait. Now let's run through the rounds of debate. First up, we've got the Declaration of Greatness. Sanden and Molly will each deliver crazy facts, expert opinions, and heart-melting stories about their side. Then we've got the Micro Round, a funny, creative challenge they've prepared for in advance.
Next, we've got the Sneak Attack, a surprise challenge that will send Molly and Sanden scrambling to invent something clever and persuasive on the spot. Finally, we've got the Final Six. Each side will have just six words to persuade the judge that their side is the Smash Boom Best. After each round, Mason will award a point to either Team Sloth or Team Cheetah.
Listeners at home, you should keep score, too. Use scratch paper or download a score card from smashboom.org. At the end of the debate, Mason will tally up his points. And reveal the winner. But listeners, we want to know who you think won, too. Head to smashboom.org and vote. Sound good, Mason?
MASON: Yes.
JOY DOLO: Now, let's get this debate started. Molly and Sanden, are you ready?
MOLLY BLOOM: So ready.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Yes! Let's do it.
JOY DOLO: Excellent. It's time for the--
MOLLY BLOOM: Declaration of Greatness.
JOY DOLO: We flipped a coin, and sloths are up first. Let's hear it, Molly. Why are sloths cooler than cheetahs?
MOLLY BLOOM: Inspired by my energy-conserving, tree-dwelling, slow-moving best friends for life, I'm going to start with a low-hanging fruit. Sloths are adorable. In case you haven't seen the many videos, GIFs, T-shirts, books, pencil cases, lunch boxes, and other items that feature these glorious mammals, let me paint a picture for you.
Their arms are long with graceful curved claws that would put X-men's Wolverine to shame. Their fur is luxurious, but it's their faces that have won over the hearts of all humans everywhere, big, round, dark eyes, little upturned snouts, and a permanent closed-mouth grin. Who could resist a snuggle?
Sloths of different kinds have lived on this planet longer than we humans. And they used to be big, real big. Meet Megatherium.
[LOUD FOOTSTEPS]
MEGATHERIUM: Hello, there.
MOLLY BLOOM: This giant ground sloth lived in South America as recently as 8,000 years ago. When I say giant, I'm talking elephant-sized. And if that wasn't enough, they could stand and walk on their hind legs, making them the largest mammal to ever walk upright. Even though they had large, sharp claws, these giant fellas were vegetarians and were likely eaten by humans--
MEGATHERIUM: Oh, nooo!
MOLLY BLOOM: --who probably drove them to extinction. Oops, sorry, guys. But their living relatives, the two and three-toed sloths are so much more than just adorable good looks and fierce giant ancestors. They are chill. They are kind. Sloths are role models for us all.
LUCY COOKE: The philosophy of the sloth is to spend its energy wisely and lead a peaceful existence in the trees.
MOLLY BLOOM: Lucy Cooke is a zoologist and the founder of the Sloth Appreciation Society.
LUCY COOKE: They are masters of saving energy. And their whole lifestyle and their bodies are perfectly adapted to spending as little energy as possible.
MOLLY BLOOM: Sloths' slow, deliberate movements are not a sign of laziness. They are a sign of efficiency. They move as little as possible to conserve energy. They have three extra vertebrae in their neck, so they can swivel their heads almost all the way around. Another neat energy-saving trick, why move to see something when you can just turn your head?
Sloths even recycle their farts. Instead of expelling the gas that's produced by digestion, like most animals, sloths slowly reabsorb the gas into their bloodstream. And as that gas is produced in the stomach--
LUCY COOKE: It forms a buoyancy device that enables them to swim very well. So sloths actually can swim three times faster than they can move on land because they have this incredibly gassy, buoyant stomach.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's right. Sloths can swim. And they can swim fast, kept afloat by the buoyancy of their farts. They can drop in the water to swim over to another tree. And they're prepared if the rainforest they're living in happens to flood. Plus, they can hold their breath for 40 minutes.
So much about the sloth is perfectly designed for their lifestyle, staying chill and saving energy by doing as little as possible, which leaves one mystery, the way sloths poop. Sloths do everything in the trees, sleep, mate, eat, give birth. But three-toed sloths come down to the ground for their one giant weekly poop. It's one-third of their body weight. Yeah, that's right.
And this has baffled scientists. Three-toed sloths spend their whole lives moving as little as possible, but they use a ton of energy to climb down a tree to the ground where they are most vulnerable to predators? It makes no sense.
JONATHAN PAULI: Imagine if you had to go poop, but before you had to go poop, you had to go on a two-mile run. And before you went poop, that two-mile run had to occur on an interstate. Why would you-- there must be a clear advantage to doing that.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's University of Wisconsin wildlife ecologist Jonathan Pauli. He and his team study sloths in Costa Rica. And they really wanted an answer to this stinky mystery. Jonathan thought maybe this pooping process was tied to the three-toed sloths' closest neighbors, the flightless moths that live in their fur.
Jonathan and his team found out the moth's life cycle is intimately tied to sloth poop. When the sloth comes down to poop, the adult female moth hops off and lays its eggs in the sloth poop.
MOTH: So long, Slothy.
MOLLY BLOOM: The eggs hatch, the baby larva moths eat the poop. Then when they become adults--
MOTHS: Hey, look at us.
MOLLY BLOOM: --they fly up into the trees where they live on the sloths' fur--
MOTH: Home sweet home.
MOLLY BLOOM: --lose the ability to fly and eventually die.
[SAD MUSIC]
But why would three-toed sloths risk their lives to help these moths? It turns out that when these moths die and decompose on sloths, they produce fertilizer for the green algae that covers and coats the three-toed sloths' fur. This algae provides camouflage for the three-toed sloth, which is crucial because they don't really have other ways of defending themselves.
So Jonathan's team looked and found that the three-toed sloths who embarked on these pooping adventures had more algae on their fur than the two-toed sloths that didn't leave their trees to poop.
JONATHAN PAULI: And maybe, just maybe, all that risk that they encounter on the ground is offset by all the benefits they have from cultivating the moths who feed the algae, which cloak the sloth.
MOLLY BLOOM: Sloths are super cool because they've adapted to survive, but they do it on their own terms. They go to great lengths to help their neighbors. They recycle and conserve. They know that slow and steady wins every race. And they do it all with serene, happy grins on their very adorable faces.
JOY DOLO: What a crazy collection of sloth facts.
MASON: That was really captivating.
JOY DOLO: That was really captivating, yeah. I think it's a great metaphor for life, too. Like, we all need to leave our trees to poop.
MASON: At some point, yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah.
JOY DOLO: Am I right?
MOLLY BLOOM: You are so right.
JOY DOLO: [LAUGHS] What did you think about Molly's declaration, Mason?
MASON: I really liked the imagery of the large like, wookiee-esque vegans who walk around with these gassy life jackets and poop camouflage jackets. It was really good.
JOY DOLO: Well, let's hear Team Cheetah's rebuttal. Sanden, you have 30 seconds to respond. And your time starts now.
SANDEN TOTTEN: So first of all, you mentioned that sloths are cute. You led with that. But if that's their best feature, have you seen a baby cheetah? They are adorable. Picture tiny little fuzzballs with little spots and their adorable faces, they're just the most. Also, giant sloths went extinct. Maybe a little speed would have help them. That's a good thing to have in general.
And you say that one reason they need to move so slowly is they're just conserving energy. But it's also in part, Molly didn't mention this, because they eat poorly. They just eat these leaves all day, and they don't get enough nutrients.
JOY DOLO: And time. Sanden, the speed demon, gives us a sizzling rebuttal. Goodness.
MOLLY BLOOM: I just I think it's interesting that the vegan is dissing the all-vegetarian diet of--
SANDEN TOTTEN: I mean, I didn't hear the meat, beans. I didn't hear any protein in there. Just leaves. Even a vegan needs to get protein.
MOLLY BLOOM: They have multi-chambered stomachs that help them extract all of the good nutrients from those delicious, delicious leaves.
JOY DOLO: I'm going to put you two in a corner. I'm going to put you two in a corner. All right. Now it's time for your Declaration of Greatness for those fast cats. Cheetahs, let's hear it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: We all know why cheetahs are famous. It's because they're good at Instagram. Just kidding! It's because they're the fastest land animal in the world! These turbo kitties can hit over 60 miles per hour in three seconds flat. That's like one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, boom! You've broken the speed limit.
OFFICER: Pull over the cat, and step away from the feline.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Sorry, Officer, but this kitty was born to run, literally. Cheetahs are born with all sorts of features that make them perfect purr rockets. They've got long legs, a stretched-out spine, and a tail that works like a rudder, helping to steer them as they sprint. Plus, their semi-retractable claws give them great traction, like a built-in cleat. So it's no wonder that cheetahs are like the star of every nature documentary ever.
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): Watch as the cheetah stalks its prey, so quiet, so graceful, so totally awesome.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Cheetahs are great hunters, too. The yellow fur and dark spots lets them blend in with dry grasses and brush. And in the center of their eyes, they have a band of lots and lots of vision cells, the kind that let them see things super sharply. It's called a visual streak. And it helps them spot prey.
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): I'm sorry, I thought I was narrating this documentary.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, sorry.
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): Now, as I was saying, the cheetahs approaching the herd of gazelles and yes, there it goes, like a bolt of lightning. It sinks its claws in the prey. That gazelle never stood a chance.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Oh, that reminds me, cheetahs have large nasal passages so they can catch their breath and recover quickly after a run. So cool, right?
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): That is cool. I mean, I totally knew that.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Now, compare that with a nature doc on a sloth.
SANDEN TOTTEN (AS NARRATOR): Now watch as the sloth stalks a leaf or just sits there, or maybe it's dead. I honestly don't know.
SANDEN TOTTEN: What a snooze fest. But cheetahs are so much more than just swift hunters.
ANNE HILBORN: They're just enchanting to watch because they're social and because they interact with each other.
SANDEN TOTTEN: That's Anne Hilborn, a cheetah researcher at the University of California in Riverside. She says, like you and me, cheetahs spend time with friends and family. And that has real benefits for them. For instance, cheetah cubs aren't born knowing how to hunt, so mom steps in.
ANNE HILBORN: The mother, when she hunts something really small, say, a hare or a gazelle fawn, won't kill it. And then she'll capture it and bring it back alive to her cubs and then let it go. And the cubs have to chase it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Eventually, these savanna sweeties learn to pounce on their practice prey and even kill it so they can feed themselves. But it's not just moms. Male cheetahs are social, too. Sometimes they form what's called a coalition. And these are pairs of males, usually brothers, but sometimes just friends, and they bond for life. Here's Ann again.
ANNE HILBORN: So they will hunt together and groom each other and move around their territory if they have one together and defend it together. They'll pee on trees to mark their territory together, or if they don't have a territory, they're just always with each other.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Sometimes they even cuddle when they sleep. What a great example of sensitive masculinity. Not only do cheetahs help each other, they've been known to help people, too. In the 7th Century AD, hunters would train cheetahs to help with hunts.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
HUNTER: It's true.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Whoa! Hey, random ancient hunter dude. Is that a cheetah on the back of your saddle?
HUNTER: Why, yes, it is. In the Middle East, where I'm from, cheetah would accompany nobility, like myself, on hunts. They'd ride with us on horseback, perched on a saddle, like Mr. Whiskers here.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wow, fascinating. Who knew cheetahs could ride on the back of horses? Could they be any cooler?
HUNTER: Nope. Now, Sir Chompers--
[HORSE NEIGHS]
--take me and Mr. Whiskers off into the sunset. Hi-yah!
[HORSE NEIGHS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wow, cheetahs have it all, epic speed, epic hunting skills, epic social bonds. And guess what, they have an epic voice to match because this is what they sound like.
[CHEETAH CHIRPS]
Totes adorbs, right? Turns out, these cutie patooties with the spotted booties don't roar, they chirp. It's because of how their throats are built. And can we please hear some more, please?
[CHEETAH CHIRPING]
I mean, seriously, isn't that everything? Cheetahs are also one of the large cats that purr, too.
[CHEETAH PURRING]
Oh, I think I found my new ringtone. I can listen to that all day. In conclusion, cheetahs are extremely versatile. Swift and vicious? Sure, when they need to be. Affectionate and adorable? Uh, yeah, because like us, these cats contain multitudes. And that's why cheetahs are the total package and clearly, the Smash Boom Best.
JOY DOLO: Sanden, that was great. [LAUGHS] I had no idea they chirped.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I know. I was really surprised when I first time I clicked a video. And I was like, no, this is the wrong audio. But no, they actually have a wide range of different vocal sounds that they make. And they're not really the meowing cat you would think, so.
JOY DOLO: Not at all. Well, Mason, what did you like about that declaration and what gave you paws? Get it?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Ooh!
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh!
MASON: Well, I was taken a-cat by his speedy obsession. He did very little to calm my fears of lankiness. And they just seemed like glorified track runners or cuddling revolutionaries. And he said epic four times, which is like, it's going to be difficult to come back from. I think he has a lot of ground to make up after this one.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, my.
JOY DOLO: Ooh, you got in.
MOLLY BLOOM: I don't even need to do rebuttal.
JOY DOLO: Yeah, we could just skip right over that.
MASON: No, I'm just kidding. It was very good. And I appreciated the chirping.
JOY DOLO: Molly, let's hear your rebuttal, and go.
MOLLY BLOOM: So Sanden said they have this camouflage. That's because they need it because they need to sneak up slowly on their prey because they can only run fast for 30 seconds at a time. And then they get really tired and need to stop because their muscles are full of lactic acid. Oh, boy.
You said you couldn't see the sloth because it was hardly moving. Well, a 2014 study found that cheetahs only spend about 12% of their day actually moving. Who's lazy now? And OK, so they ride horses, great, helping humans, being a pet. Isn't it cooler to be out in the wild chasing prey?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Time!
MOLLY BLOOM: Stick it to the man, cheetahs.
JOY DOLO: Ooh. I don't know about you, Mason, but it's getting warm.
MASON: Yes, it's getting blazing.
JOY DOLO: Very warm. Well, that means it's time, then, it's time to award a point. Based on everything you've heard, which animal seems cooler to you? Mark down your point, but do not tell us who you're voting for.
MOLLY BLOOM: [SIGHS] I'm nervous.
JOY DOLO: Have you decided?
MASON: Yes.
[BELL DINGS]
JOY DOLO: Listeners, you, too. But don't say who you're voting for. We're going to give these animals a short break so they can go eat some gazelles or leaves or take a giant poop. I don't know, whatever they got to do.
MASON: And we'll be right back with three more rounds of Smash Boom Best. Bra-cka-cka-cka-cka. Ow!
[LAUGHTER]
MOLLY BLOOM: That was good.
SPEAKER 1: Smash.
SPEAKER 2: Boom.
SPEAKER 1: Best.
JOY DOLO: You're listening to Smash Boom Best.
MASON: The show about showdowns.
JOY DOLO: We love getting debate suggestions from our listeners, like this one from Mila in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
MILA: My debate suggestion is space versus Earth.
JOY DOLO: Stay tuned at the end of the episode to see who Mila thinks would triumph. And now, back to the debate of the day.
MASON: Cheetahs versus sloths.
JOY DOLO: That's right. It's time for our next round, the--
MOLLY BLOOM: Micro Round.
[BELL DINGS]
JOY DOLO: Here's the challenge. Create a hit reality TV show starring your side. Is it a competition show, a makeover show, a dating show? The world of unscripted television is your oyster. Give your show a name, introduce us to the characters, and tease some dramatic moments from the upcoming season. Convince Mason to tune in.
Molly went first last time. So Sanden, you're up. What is Team Cheetah up to on reality TV?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I wanted to have a little fun with this one, so I thought of a genre of reality TV that I thought would fit a group of cats. So we're going to go with something that gets a little catty here, but also gets it the fact that these are social creatures, and they have real relationships just like us. Hit it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
You're watching the Real Housecats of the Serengeti.
[ANIMALS GROWLING, CHIRPING]
CHELSEA: Hey, Chandra Cheetah.
CHANDRA: Chelsea, my favorite spotted lady. Thanks for coming to my brunch, girl.
CHELSEA: You kidding me? Us cheetahs got to stick together. Who else is coming?
CHANDRA: Oh, just Lindy.
CHELSEA: Lindy? Lindy the Lion?
CHANDRA: Yeah, Lindy Lions. You know her, right?
CHELSEA: Oh, I know her. And I can't stand her. Two weeks ago, I had just got the best-looking impala for me and my cubs when who comes walking up to my kill like she owns it? That's right, Lindy Lions. Obviously, I had to run because a hungry lion will actually attack a cheetah, and I couldn't risk her hurting my cubs. But when she gets here, the claws come out.
CHANDRA: Oh, really? I'm sorry, Chelsea. I wish I knew. I totally knew. But I invited Lindy, anyway, because who doesn't love a good catfight?
LINDY: Hey, my fine felines.
CHANDRA: Hey, Lindy, looking good. Have a seat.
CHELSEA: Yeah, take a chair. While you're at it, why not take someone else's meal, too.
LINDY: What are you talking about, Chelsea? I would never.
CHELSEA: Oh, so not only are you a lion, but you're a lying lion, too?
LINDY: Oh, you mean that little impala snack? I thought you were done with it.
CHELSEA: It was barely dead! Don't make me leap across the table, Lindy. You know cheetahs can go 20 feet in a single bound.
LINDY: Puh-lease. You can't mess with a lioness. We are the queens of the Savannah.
CHELSEA: Just because you're top of the food chain doesn't mean you should be a bully.
[LION GROWLS, CHEETAH CHIRPS]
SANDEN TOTTEN: Next time on the Real Housecats of the Serengeti.
LINDY: Hey, Chandra, why so sad?
CHANDRA: I was sprinting at like 60 miles an hour. And I chipped my semi-retractable nails. I just had them done, too.
[LAUGHING]
JOY DOLO: Excellent. I would definitely watch that show.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Yeah.
JOY DOLO: That was unreal.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And we are all dressed to the nines, too, in spotted animal prints. It's just natural.
JOY DOLO: What did you think, Mason?
MASON: It seems very intriguing. Interspecies drama is some of the best kind. A little evolutionary struggle there between the lioness and the cheetah.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I wanted to point out, too, cheetahs, they're not the top of the food chain. And some people might see that as a disadvantage. They're not-- lions are definitely the top in that ecosystem. But I see it as more relatable because like us, they got it coming from the top and the bottom. They got to be on the lookout and everything. We all feel that. Cheetahs, they're like us.
JOY DOLO: Yeah, I totally feel that. Sanden speaking to my soul. All right, Molly, sloth it up and slow off.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS]
JOY DOLO: Do you get it? Do you get what I mean when I say that?
MASON: I really like that pun.
MOLLY BLOOM: I liked it.
[LAUGHING]
JOY DOLO: Anyway, we want to know all about your reality TV show experience starring Team Sloth.
MOLLY BLOOM: Well, I feel like sloths are a little misunderstood, and I just wanted to give them a chance to show off their many talents. Roll it.
ELLIE: You're watching Animals Got Talent. I'm your host, Ellie Elephant. Our first audition tonight is Chuck E. Cheetah. Let's see if his talent can wow our panel of judges. Chuck has taken the stage and-- oops, looks like he's not taking the time to introduce himself. He's just running, but very fast, running in circles. Oh, yes, our judges look thrilled by this high velocity.
Oh, now it looks like Chuck is lying down, and now he's asleep?
[CHUCK SNORES]
Chuck?
[BUZZER]
Oh, wow.
AUDIENCE: Boo!
ELLIE: All four judges have given him the rejection buzzer simultaneously. Chuck seems exhausted after that very, very short sprint. Can someone help him off the stage? As Chuck is helped off the stage, I'll introduce our next Animals Got Talent hopeful, Sloopy Sloth.
[CHEERING]
SLOOPY (SLOWLY): Hello, judges.
JUDGE: What will you be doing for us today?
SLOOPY (SLOWLY): I am going to hang upside-down for as long as you will let me.
[ALL GASPING]
ELLIE: Sloopy is hanging upside-down on a branch. She makes it look so easy. Her muscles have evolved for exceptional endurance. And her intestines are even attached to her torso, so she can breathe easily while upside-down. It's truly remarkable. And look how serene that smile.
[BELL CHIMES]
Oh, my goodness. Judge Simon Howell has given her the Golden Buzzer. Sloopy is going through to the next round. Simon, what do you have to say?
SIMON (SLOWLY): I am simply speechless. It was just so, so beautiful.
ELLIE: Well done, Sloopy. We'll be back after this with more Animals Got Talent.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JOY DOLO: Wow, sweet. I think I'd watch that, too. Simon gave him a good score.
MASON: If Simon's on, then I'm definitely tuning in.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm-hmm.
JOY DOLO: Oh, you would tune in, Mason?
MASON: Well, only for Simon, not because there's sloth just hanging out. That seems like a little bit monotonous to me.
[LAUGHING]
I'm not going to lie. You're going to have to make up some ground after that one.
JOY DOLO: Ooh!
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, dear.
JOY DOLO: Now it's coming for you, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, man.
SANDEN TOTTEN: This is a judge with fierce opinions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mason's tough.
SANDEN TOTTEN: I love it.
JOY DOLO: Yeah, I like it. I like it. All right, well, I think it's time to award a point, Mason. You've decided?
MASON: Yes.
[BELL DINGS]
JOY DOLO: Great. Then it's time for our next round.
MEN: Ha-ha! Hoo-ha!
MOLLY BLOOM: Sneak Attack.
JOY DOLO: This round is a surprise. Molly and Sanden don't know what's coming. Your challenge is knock, knock, joke off. We want each of you to come up with two knock, knock jokes, one about your side and one about the opposition. Feel free to work in some cool facts about your side, too, or you can rely entirely on your punny bones. While you two work, we're going to listen to some hold music.
[JAZZY MUSIC] Turbo kitty zipping past
It's a cheetah running super fast
Spotted cuties, they love to eat gazelle
Tree-hugging sloths take their time
Peace-loving creatures so sublime
Hanging upside-down, munching on yummy leaves
JOY DOLO: Are you both ready?
MOLLY BLOOM: In a sense.
SANDEN TOTTEN: [LAUGHS] Bring on that door. Let's get a knock in.
JOY DOLO: Great. Since Sanden went last time, it's your turn, Molly. Let's hear your first joke about che-che-che-cheetahs.
MOLLY BLOOM: Knock, knock.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Who's there?
MOLLY BLOOM: You better.
SANDEN TOTTEN: You better, who?
MOLLY BLOOM: You better run away, cheetah, because a lion's coming. Can you climb that tree? Oh, no, you can't. But the lion can. The end.
[LAUGHTER]
JOY DOLO: Sanden, it's your turn now. So let's hear your wisecrack about sloths.
SANDEN TOTTEN: All right. Knock, knock.
MOLLY BLOOM: Who's there?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Puh.
MOLLY BLOOM: Puh, who?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Puh-ooing once a week is really weird, dude. And also, when sloths are most vulnerable to predators, what a way to go right after you've gone.
JOY DOLO: Molly, let's hear your quip about sloths.
MOLLY BLOOM: Knock, knock.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Who's there?
MOLLY BLOOM: Wilma.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Wilma, who?
MOLLY BLOOM: Wil-mah sloths win over your heart and save the planet? Of course, they will.
JOY DOLO: Oh, that's so sweet. Sanden, let's hear your knee-slapper about cheetahs.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Knock, knock.
MOLLY BLOOM: Who's there?
SANDEN TOTTEN: Feline.
MOLLY BLOOM: Feline, who?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I'd fe-lying if I didn't think cheetahs totally got it going on.
[LAUGHING]
MOLLY BLOOM: That's a good pun.
JOY DOLO: That was good. That was really great. You both did wonderful.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, did we?
JOY DOLO: That's a hard challenge. That's very hard. Mason, I want you to think deeply about what you just heard. Use whatever judging criteria you think fits this round best and award a point. But don't tell us who is coming out on top. Have you decided?
MASON: Yeah, I am.
JOY DOLO: Oh, yeah. You decided.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, my gosh.
JOY DOLO: Excellent. Everyone, take a deep breath. It's time for our final round.
MOLLY BLOOM: The Final Six.
JOY DOLO: Molly and Sanden, you each have six words left to convince Mason all other debate club members listening at home that your side is the Smash Boom Best. Sanden, you're up first. Let's hear it.
SANDEN TOTTEN: All right, here we go. Cheetahs, relatable, sloths, debatable, pit cats.
[LAUGHTER]
MASON: The rhyming was excellent there.
JOY DOLO: The rhyming is always great. All right, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: Rhyming?
JOY DOLO: Let's hear a six-word summary of why sloths are the cooler creature.
MOLLY BLOOM: Endurance beats speed, plus buoyant farts.
JOY DOLO: [LAUGHING] Me, too. Mason, this is it. Please award your final point, but do not tell us who you're going with.
SANDEN TOTTEN: My heart is racing like I just chased a gazelle.
[LAUGHTER]
MASON: I rendered a verdict.
JOY DOLO: All right, everyone, the moment has arrived. Mason, who has won this Smash Boom battle? Drum roll, please.
[DRUM ROLL]
MASON: I have to give this one to cheetahs.
MOLLY BLOOM: What?
MASON: Sanden, did an excellent job. He had two puns in the Sneak Attack round off the top of his head. That was really impressive.
MOLLY BLOOM: Puns.
MASON: And I think there was a missed opportunity for rhyming in the Final Six on Molly's part.
JOY DOLO: Wow.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, it all came down to rhyming and puns.
MASON: Yes, I'm a simple-- I'm a simple judge.
MOLLY BLOOM: Wow. Wow.
JOY DOLO: Do you use rhyming in your techniques when you debate, too?
MASON: Occasionally. If I have a little extra time to be lyrical, I might throw in--
JOY DOLO: Oh, wow.
MASON: --to put a little spice.
MOLLY BLOOM: Sanden did make cheetahs very relatable. And those cute little chirps, it's hard to beat that.
SANDEN TOTTEN: Molly, I really-- I can't believe I won because I thought you did such a good job that I was like, quaking the whole time. You made so many neat facts about sloths. They already have it going on with just how cute and chill they are. But the whole thing about their weird digestive process, I mean, as a biology geek, I couldn't be more fascinated.
MOLLY BLOOM: Thanks, Sanden.
JOY DOLO: That's so great. See, Smash Boom Best brings people together.
SANDEN TOTTEN: And let's be honest, aren't we all a little bit cheetah and a little bit sloth?
MOLLY BLOOM: Exactly.
JOY DOLO: Well, Mason thinks cheetah won, but what about you?
MASON: Head to smashboom.org and vote right now.
JOY DOLO: Smash Boom Best is a creation of the people at Brains On and American Public Media.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's produced by Marc Sanchez, Sanden Totten, Elissa Dudley, Rosie duPont, and me, Molly Bloom.
SANDEN TOTTEN: We had engineering help from Corey Schreppel and Donald Paz.
MOLLY BLOOM: And we had production help from Monica Wilhelm, Christina Lopez, and Lauren Dee.
JOY DOLO: We want to give a special thanks to [? Riggs ?] and [? Collins, ?] [? Boating ?] [? Bowling, ?] Eric Ringham, and John Rabey. Sanden, is there anyone you want to thank today?
SANDEN TOTTEN: I want to thank Anne Hilborn, my cheetah researching pal, and also Chester Cheetah, who fueled many late night study sessions when I was younger with his delicious Cheetos family brand of snacks.
JOY DOLO: I see you've been working on this for years. How about you, Molly?
MOLLY BLOOM: I'd like to thank my wonderful voice actors, Joanna Simmons and Curtis Gilbert. And I want to thank my sloth experts, Jonathan Pauli and Lucy Cooke. I'm definitely going to join the Sloth Appreciation Society. And I'd like to thank my family for supporting me during this harrowing journey.
JOY DOLO: [LAUGHS] It has been a journey. What about you, Mason, do you have any special shout-outs?
MASON: Yeah, shout-out to my mom for raising me. That was pretty big in getting me here. And just thanks for having me. It was super fun. And I'd love to come back sometime.
JOY DOLO: You were awesome. Really, really great. Before we sign off, let's hear from Mila again. She's the listener who suggested the Earth versus space debate.
MILA: I think space would win because we know more about Earth, and space is just like bigger. And it's more complicated.
JOY DOLO: She is absolutely right.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's true.
JOY DOLO: Profound. There's been a lot of profound things happening here today. All right, thanks again, debate club members. We couldn't have made this show without your incredible support. And keep sending us your debate ideas. We love to hear them. Catch you later, debate heads.
ALL: Bye.
SANDEN TOTTEN: You're sloth-some.
[THEME SONG] Ooh, you're the Smash Boom Best
Ooh, put you through the test
Ooh, you're the Smash Boom Best
Ooh, better than the rest
Its Smash Boom Best
It's Smash Boom Best
JOY DOLO: Knock, knock.
MASON: Who's there?
JOY DOLO: Cheetah.
MASON: Cheetah, who?
JOY DOLO: Cheaters never prosper.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, that's good. That was low-hanging fruit. Oh, that is so good.
JOY DOLO: It's good. I have one more. You have to listen to it. Knock, knock.
MASON: Who's there?
JOY DOLO: Too fast.
MASON: Too fast, who--
JOY DOLO: That was too fast for you.
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