Mustard vs. Mayo

The queens of condiments go jar to jar in today’s yummy rumble. Give it up for mayo vs. mustard! 


Smarty Pass: Night of the Sneak Attacks

Watch out! Molly’s on the loose with Sneak Attacks! Everyone at Brain’s On HQ is hiding in fear of Molly’s devious debate games. Why is Molly sneak attacking people like we're all in Smash Boom Best? Where will she jump out of next? And what does any of this have to do with the tuba? Grab your SmartyPass and listen to everyone at Brains On HQ try to answer these questions before Molly catches them with her Sneak Attacks!




SPEAKER: Now entering Brains On! Headquarters. 

[BEEPING, MECHANICAL CLACKING] 

SANDEN: What are you doing here? I know you're a Smarty Pass holder, and that means you can come to Brains On headquarters whenever you like, but today couldn't be a worse day to come to HQ. Molly's been surprising us with sneak attacks all day. Sneak attacks are those mini games we play during Smash Boom Best debates. Ugh. She must be mad about something because she is being merciless with her sneak attack challenges. I mean, if anyone even debates anything in the slightest-- boom-- Molly just appears out of nowhere with the hardest sneak attack ever. 

[RUMBLING] 

Do you hear that? Oh, I think she's in the air vents. Quick. Let's hide in the elephant closet. It's where we keep our elephants. 

[LOUD TRUMPETING] 

Oh-- hey, Ella Phantsgerald I'm hiding from Molly. 

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS] 

RUBY: Sanden, close the door! 

ANNA: Quickly. 

SANDEN: Oh, look. It's Brains On producer, Ruby Guthrie, and Moment of Um producer, Anna Weggel. 

ANNA: We're hiding from Molly and all her sneak attacks, too. 

RUBY: She only does this when she's having really big feelings. 

SANDEN: Yeah. I wonder what's going on with her. Such a mystery. 

RUBY: What? You know, you're kind of the source of those feelings. 

ANNA: Yeah. Ever since you got first chair for the tuba section in the Brains On orchestra and she got second. 

SANDEN: I can't help that I'm a superior tuba-ist. 

ANNA: It's not that. It's that you won't stop gloating. 

SANDEN: Moi? Never. 

RUBY: Sanden, you made a banner that said "Sanden beats Molly." 

ANNA: You threw yourself a parade with fireworks. 

RUBY: You literally did a 45-minute dance routine that you titled, "The Sanden Gloating Dance." 

SANDEN: I don't see your point. 

[LOW HORN] 

RUBY: [GASP] That's her tuba. But where is it coming from? 

ANNA: She could be anywhere. 

MOLLY: Who? Me? 

RUBY and ANNA: UGH! 

RUBY: Sanden, you led her right to us. 

SANDEN: Better you than me. Good luck, guys. 

[DOOR CLICKS, RAPID FOOTSTEPS] 

- Ha-ha. Hoo-ha! 

MOLLY: Sneak attack. 

ANNA: No, Molly. Spare me, please. I have an iguana at home. He has diarrhea. 

RUBY: And I have a cat who's never seen The Wizard of Oz. We're supposed to have a watch party tonight. 

MOLLY: Lucky for you two pet parents, that's your debate-- iguanas versus cats. 

RUBY and ANNA: Noooo! 

MOLLY: Your sneak attack is-- carnival barker. You'll be an old-fashioned carnival barker trying to sell us on why your pet is the best. Give a spiel. Be a pushy salesman. Anna, you're first. You'll have 30 seconds for your spiel, and your time starts now. 

ANNA: (HIGH VOICE) Oh, hey. Come on down. Come see what we have to offer you today. Oh, you look a little lonely, and there's certainly nothing on your shoulder right now. What if you adopted an iguana and had it on your shoulder all day long? And it could tell you what the best things are to do all day long. It could help you make decisions. It could whisper little sweet nothings into your ear all day. No pet-- no pet on Earth is as good as an iguana. It doesn't shed. It eats bugs. And it's your best-- 

MOLLY: And time. That was wonderful. All right. Ruby, it's your turn. You have 30 seconds to give your spiel for cats. And your time starts now. 

RUBY: Meow, meow, meow, meow-meow-meow. (DRAMATICALLY) Who wants a pal that's super cuddly but needs not a ton of attention because we all need some time to ourselves. Get yourself a cat! It's sweet, but not as needy as a dog. But also it has fur, unlike an iguana. Ugh! No one wants an iguana. You know what? A cat is just so cozy and your best companion ever. And you don't need to take it outside for a walk or bathroom breaks or any of that. It's so self sufficient. We love it. 

MOLLY: And time. Wow. You two-- have you been secretly moonlighting as carnival barkers? 

ANNA: (DRAWN OUT) Yes. Who won? 

MOLLY: Oh. Well, that's for our Smarty Pass holder to decide. To vote, just go to the link in the show notes for this episode. 

RUBY: She's distracted. Let's get out of here. Run! 

[RAPID FOOTSTEPS] 

MOLLY: Well, nuts. Now I need to find two new victims for my sneak attacks. To the air vents! 

[METAL CLANGS] 

The whole team is hiding from me, but what they don't know is that after five seasons of hosting Smash Boom Best and coming up with countless sneak attacks, I have become the sneakiest person at Brains On headquarters. And I am going to sneak attack everyone here until I reach my goal-- launching a sneak attack on Sanden. That will show him for being such a braggart about landing first chair. Oh, look down there. It's Smash Boom Best producer, Rosie DuPont and editor Shahla Farzan hiding in the Hall of Slides. [LAUGHS] They think we can't see them. 

ROSIE: Shahla. Shahla. We should have hidden in the Swing Solarium. 

SHAHLA: Rosie, everyone knows that slides are better than swings. That's why we're in the Hall of Slides. 

ROSIE: Wait. What are you talking about? Swings beat slides every time. 

SHAHLA: Oh, no. Do you know what we're doing? 

ROSIE: We're discussing potential hiding spots? 

SHAHLA: No. We're having a debate, which means-- 

ROSIE: [GASPS] 

MOLLY: It's time for a sneak attack. 

ROSIE: She fell from the vent like an HVAC nightmare. 

SHAHLA: Molly, maybe you should just talk about your feelings instead. 

MOLLY: The only feeling I'm having right now is a sneaking one. 

- Ha-ha Hoo-ha! 

MOLLY: Sneak attack. 

[SCREAM] 

MOLLY: Your sneak attack is-- brand your band. If your side had a band, what would the name of the band be and what style of music would they play? Rosie, you love swings, so your side will be swings. And Shahla, your side will be slides. All right. Shahla you're up first. Tell us about your band. 

SHAHLA: Just picture this, right? So I'm climbing up to the top of this slide. My hair is blowing back in the breeze, and I look amazing. Everyone on the playground turns around and is, like, "Oh." Like slow motion. Like that person is so brave, and her hair looks so good. And I probably would do like an air guitar or something at the top just to really show off how fearless I am. Because slides are hardcore. They're metal. So slides would definitely-- if they were a band, they would be a heavy metal band. End of story. Heavy metal. 

MOLLY: What's the band's name? 

SHAHLA: Uh, they would be called the Rusty Metal Pipes. 

MOLLY: [LAUGHS] And what's the name of their hit single. 

SHAHLA: [LAUGHS] Just like, "Slip Slidin' Away," but like in a heavy metal hardcore style. 

MOLLY: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And what would the lead singer sound like? 

SHAHLA: He would be like, (GRAVELLY VOICE) Slides, slides, [MIMICS ELECTRIC GUITAR] slides. 

MOLLY: Mm. Very, very good. OK. Rosie, now it's your turn. Please tell us about your swing band. 

ROSIE: OK. So my swing band, it's a girl group and their name is the Swing Sisters. And their most recent hit, "Swings Give You Wings," features all five of them sitting on swings in a row, and they're swinging while they're singing. And let me tell you, this song will give you wings. It's amazing. 

It's sort of like the Spice Girls, but like 2023. So I think like each Swing Sister has a different personality. There's like Scary Swing Sister, and there's Sporty Swing Sister, [LAUGHS] and there's Ginger Swing Sister. And they each have this awesome solo in the song where they just express their personalities. 

And it's so inspiring for all of their fans because their fans get to pick the identity that fits them best. So some of them are like, "I'm definitely the Posh Swinger." [LAUGHS] And others are more like the Baby Swinger, and she's an actual baby. Actually it's kind of weird. She has higher vocalizations than everyone else in the band. But they have just been topping the charts for the past 20 weeks. So they're really-- they're flying high, and that's what you do on swings. You fly. You fly as high as you want to go. Or if you just want to chill there sitting in your swing, you can do your thing and look up at the sky and dream big dreams just like the Swing Sisters. 

MOLLY: Sounds amazing. I would listen to both of these on repeat, I'm sure. 

SHAHLA: So which of us won? It was me, right? I can just feel it. 

ROSIE: If you can't say just whisper it. 

MOLLY: Well. Sorry, Shahla and Rosie. It's not for me to say. That's up to our Smarty Pass holder to decide. Ha ha! Remember, we need you to vote. So just click on the link in the show notes of this episode to tell us who you think won. Now I'm off to find more victims to sneak attack. Back to the vents. 

[METAL CLANGS] 

GUNGADOR: (DEEP, LOUD VOICE) Hey, Molly! 

MOLLY: Gungador, what are you doing in the vent? 

GUNGADOR: Sanden asked me to kick you out of vent! You're scary sneaky. 

MOLLY: What? Where is that overrated tuba turkey? 

GUNGADOR: Gungador don't know. Ask Elevator. Sanden always riding elevator. 

MOLLY: Smarty Pass holder, let's ditch this vent and head to the elevator. 

[METAL CLANGS] 

Elevator? 

[DING] 

ELEVATOR: (ROBOTIC VOICE) Oh. Hello, Molly. I hear you're being super sneaky today. 

MOLLY: I am. But I still haven't found my ultimate target, Sanden. He needs to be taken down a notch. 

ELEVATOR: I agree. Yesterday he said he could tuba better than I can elevate-- which doesn't even make sense. And if it did, it's wrong, because I elevate better than anyone else does anything. My elevating has no equal. 

MOLLY: So you're on my side. Yes! Now tell me where Sanden is. 

ELEVATOR: Last I saw, he was headed to the Couch Cavern. 

MOLLY: Then we're headed to the Couch Cavern. Elevator, Couch Cavern, please. 

[DING] 

Quick! Behind that couch. I see Sanden coming. 

SANDEN: Hello? Anyone in here? 

ABRAN: Oh. Hey, Sanden 

ANNA: What's up, buddy? 

SANDEN: Smash Boom Best producer, Abran Moh de Selassie, and Brains On! producer, Anna Goldfield. What are you doing here? 

ABRAN: I mean, you don't have to say our full names and titles. 

ANNA: Yeah. That feels a little weird. 

SANDEN: You shouldn't be out here. Don't you know Molly is sneak attacking people? 

ANNA: We had no idea. Abran and I have been playing the floor is lava for the past three hours. 

ABRAN: It's honestly our favorite game. Do you know in Canada they call it the floor is ice? 

SANDEN: Oh, who cares. Look-- actually this is perfect. I need you two to debate something right now so Molly will sneak attack you instead of me. 

ANNA: Oh. Ooh, I don't know. Abran and I get along pretty well. 

ABRAN: Yeah, we agree on everything. 

SANDEN: Really? What's the best color? 

ABRAN: Green. 

ANNA: Green. 

SANDEN: OK. The best food? 

ABRAN and ANNA: Turkey pesto. 

SANDEN: Favorite genre of music. 

ABRAN and ANNA: Swedish jazz. 

SANDEN: Are you kidding me? 

ABRAN: No. They've got that sweet trumpet action over there. 

ANNA: Oh, we love the trumpet. It's honestly, the best brass instrument out there. 

SANDEN: Um. I beg your pardon. Everyone knows the tuba is the superior instrument. 

ANNA: No. The trumpet is best. It's got that swing. 

ABRAN: Totally. Trumpet all day. 

SANDEN: No, tuba. 

ABRAN and ANNA: Trumpet. 

SANDEN: Tu-ba. 

ABRAN and ANNA: Trum-pet. 

SANDEN: Tuba. 

MOLLY: Ha! 

- Ha-ha. Hoo-Ha! 

MOLLY: Sneak attack. 

SANDEN: Oh, no! 

MOLLY: I finally have you, Sanden, and caught in a debate, no less. [LAUGHS] 

SANDEN: No. Molly, I was just about to pick up my vegan takeout. And if I don't get there in the next 10 minutes, the cashew cream will be all cold and curdled. You know how much I hate curdled cashew cream. 

ABRAN: Mm. That actually sounds really good. 

ANNA: I know, right? That's my favorite, too. 

ABRAN and ANNA: Aw. 

MOLLY: Don't worry. You'll have plenty of time to get your cashew curry after the most epic sneak attack of all time. Your sneak attack is called Sentence by Sentence. This challenge requires a little teamwork. We want you to build a story together that involves both trumpets and tubas. Each of you will get three sentences to build this story from the ground up, and you'll go round and around, sentence by sentence, until the story is done. Does that make sense? 

SANDEN: Ugh. Yeah, fine. 

ABRAN: Mm-hmm. 

ANNA: Mm-hmm. 

MOLLY: OK, Sanden. You're up first. Let's hear the first sentence of this story. 

SANDEN: Once upon a time, in a land of magical instruments, there was a glorious, mercurial, wonderful tuba and (DISAPPOINTED VOICE) a trumpet. 

MOLLY: Abran? 

ABRAN: Bjorn the trumpet was despised by everyone for being too small and not having enough swing. 

MOLLY: Anna? So Bjorn the trumpet decided to go on a quest to find that swing. 

SANDEN: What Bjorn the trumpet didn't know was that the quest would be long and daunting, and it would take many, many years. And by the end, he would have a trumpet beard and be super old that his ears, if he had them, would be full of hair. 

ABRAN: But the journey was worth it, for when he came home, he found that the tuba-- the indolent tuba-- was waiting for him. 

ANNA: The tuba had not been practicing that swing. And so when Bjorn the trumpet came home full of jazz and jive and eighth notes and trills, why, the tuba couldn't hold a candle to that trumpet. 

SANDEN: But being naturally charming, the tuba let out one solid [LOUD "BRRRRRRP!"]. 

ABRAN: Hearing this, Bjorn smirked to himself and went-- 

ANNA: "Well, that sounds like a note I can play a solo on top of. [MIMICS TRUMPET] 

[SANDEN JOINS WITH TUBA SOUND] 

MOLLY: Wow. A sneak attack that ended in harmony. That was beautiful, you guys. 

ANNA: Wait. Who won the sneak attack? 

MOLLY: I won't say. It's up to our Smarty Pass holder to decide. You know the drill. Head to the link in the show notes of this episode to vote. 

SANDEN: Well, Molly, you finally got me. So, look. I'll admit, I shouldn't have been so mean about getting first chair. And between you and me, I think you're the better tuba player. I only got first chair because I played the judge's favorite song in my audition. 

MOLLY: Devious. What was their favorite song? 

SANDEN: The Brains On! theme song, of course. Goes a little something like this-- a one, a two, a one, two, three. 

[HORN THEME MUSIC] 

MOLLY: That's it for this Smarty Pass episode. It was produced by 

[LISTING HONOR ROLL] 

Brains On! is a nonprofit public radio program. Thanks for listening, Smarty Pass friends. Bye! 

Smarty Pass Bonus: Night of the Sneak Attacks

Black Holes vs. Meteors

Grab your telescopes, cuz you’re in for a celestial smackdown. It’s black holes vs. meteors! 


Axolotls vs. Flamingos

Today’s debate is a face-off between yearly sensations that rock the nation. Both involve candy and cake for eating, so grab your costumes and birthday suits for… birthday parties vs. trick-or-treating!


Birthday Parties vs. Trick-or-Treating

We're back on January 5th!

Smash Boom Best is back on Thursday, January 5th with 16 new episodes!


Smash Boom Best is back on Thursday, January 5th with 16 new episodes!

Smarty Pass: Gungador Hosts a Dinner Party!

Gungador is having a party at Brains On HQ, and everyone’s invited! 


Gungador is having a party at Brains On HQ, and everyone’s invited! He’s whipping up special dishes for all of his guests: a tater tot hot dish, caramel coated honey gummies, even a cheese board! But he forgot to call Barbara Toddes from the Philadelphia Zoo before he started prepping meals for his animal friends... and some of his assumptions about what animals eat aren’t exactly right. Will Gungador pull off his festive feast AND keep his cool?! Grab your Smarty Pass and listen to find out!

INTERVIEWER: Now entering Brains On headquarters. 

[AUDIO LOGO] 

[MUSIC PLAYING] 

MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, hey. So glad you're here. Are you going to the Smarty Pass Dinner at Gungador's too? I just got a text from him that says, party fire underpants friends, followed by about 20 question marks. I was going to head over there a little early to make sure everything's OK. You want to tag along? 

He's taken over the Labora Kitchen with his dinner prep. Elevator? 

[DINGS] 

ELEVATOR: Yes, Molly? 

MOLLY BLOOM: Labora Kitchen, please. 

ELEVATOR: Are you sure? 

MOLLY BLOOM: Yes, I'm totally sure. 

ELEVATOR: It's-- well, don't say I didn't warn you. Here you are. The Labora Kitchen. Good luck. 

[DINGS] 

MOLLY BLOOM: Gungador? It's Molly. 

GUNGADOR: Molly! Gungador need help. 

[YELLS] 

MOLLY BLOOM: I'll say. What's going on in here? 

GUNGADOR: Gungador hosting Smarty Pass dinner party. But cooking so hard. Pots, pans, stove. So many knobs. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Well, we are here to help. How many people are you expecting? 

GUNGADOR: Many. And not just people. Gungador invite all sorts of furry friends and scaly friends and slimy friends. But Gungador barely know what people eat, let alone all these other guests. 

MOLLY BLOOM: What do you eat, Gungador? 

GUNGADOR: Gungador train from birth to fight monsters. Live in video game. Most epic fighting battle realm. 

[VIDEO GAME SOUND] 

Until Gungador defeated by soundwave. 

[SOUNDWAVE] 

Then quit game to study dance. 

[SHINY EFFECT] 

And live at Brains On headquarters. 

[SHINY EFFECT] 

MOLLY BLOOM: What a helpful recap of your back story. So do you eat? 

GUNGADOR: Of course. Gungador eats most extreme meals. Like metal pizza and cream cheese stuffed truck tires. And Frosted Flakes that have gone stale. 

MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Well, don't cook any of that stuff. It looks like so far you've got something bubbling away on the stove. Is that a tennis shoe in there? OK. And something's baking in the oven. Maybe it's a cake. It's awfully big for a cake. Maybe it's-- 

GUNGADOR: It's tater tots hot dish. 

MOLLY BLOOM: How is it even in that shape? 

GUNGADOR: Gungador have no idea. 

MOLLY BLOOM: OK, take a deep breath. We got this. We could always start with this nice cheese board. What was that, Gouda? 

GUNGADOR: No. 

MOLLY BLOOM: It tastes like Gouda to me. 

GUNGADOR: Gungador mean no, stop. Cheese board for Tiny Squeaky. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Tiny Squeaky? Oh, a mouse? 

GUNGADOR: Yes, mouse. Mouse love cheese. 

JOY DOLO: Hi, Molly. Hi, Gungador. 

GUNGADOR: Joy Dolo! Host of Forever Ago. 

JOY DOLO: Did I overhear you say mice love cheese? I think that's a myth. 

GUNGADOR: No. It's in cartoons, so it must be true. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Oh no, Gungador. I thought you were going to talk to Barbara before you planned your meals. 

GUNGADOR: Who? 

MOLLY BLOOM: Barbara. Barbara Toddes. She's the nutrition program director at the Philadelphia Zoo. You said you were going to call her before you planned the menu. 

GUNGADOR: Oh. Gungador said Gungador call barber for haircut to look fly for party. 

JOY DOLO: You do look fly, Gungador. 

GUNGADOR: Thank you, Joy Dolo. 

[KNOCKS] 

Not ready yet! 

MOLLY BLOOM: Barbara. We were just talking about you. Come in. 

BARBARA TODDES: Hello. 

MOLLY BLOOM: I'm so glad you could make it. 

[CLANGS] 

BARBARA TODDES: Hi, Gungador. 

GUNGADOR: Barbara, no time for pleasantries. Please, tell Joy mice eat cheese. 

BARBARA TODDES: Yeah, that's kind of a myth. 

JOY DOLO: Don't want to say I told you so, so I'll just say self high five. Way to be smart, Joy Dolo. 

GUNGADOR: OK, what do mice eat? Please, say tater tot hot dish. 

BARBARA TODDES: You know, a nice seed mix would be good for the mice. I think that would make them pretty happy. 

GUNGADOR: Seeds? Seeds? Where can Gungador find seeds? 

[KNOCKS] 

Gungador not ready. Ever hear of term fashionably late? 

MOLLY BLOOM: Come in. 

BOB: Hi, Gungador. 

MOLLY BLOOM AND JOY DOLO: Bob! 

BOB: Sorry I'm a little early. You said it wasn't a potluck and that I shouldn't bring anything. But I couldn't help but bring my current snack obsession, seed mix. You got your pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and some dried millet. 

GUNGADOR: Bob save Gungador dinner party. Here come hug. 

[STOMPING] 

BOB: Quite a hug. Gungador, I didn't know you were such a fiber fan. The Fiber Fan Forum's doing an in-person meeting next month, and it would be great if you could-- 

[KNOCKS] 

GUNGADOR: Party not start for 10 minutes. Go away. 

MOLLY BLOOM: That's not very polite, Gungador. 

EVERYONE: Come in. 

SANDEN TOTTEN: It's me, Sanden, here uncharacteristically early. Ooh, peanuts. 

GUNGADOR: Sanden, no. Peanuts not for Sandens. Sandens eat caramel coated honey gummies over in that bowl. Peanuts for Lawrence the elephant. 

BARBARA TODDES: No, you shouldn't be offering your elephant peanuts. It's not an appropriate food for an elephant. 

GUNGADOR: Why not? 

BARBARA TODDES: What elephants really are designed to eat are large amounts of grass or hay. 

GUNGADOR: Grass or hay? Have all cartoons lied to Gungador? Let's see. Plenty of hay at Taco Farm. How much does Lawrence eat? 

BARBARA TODDES: They eat a lot in a day. It's incredible the amount an elephant will consume. But they do much better if they eat a lot of these low quality foods. 

GUNGADOR: Low quality. Taco Farm hay is the highest quality. 

[SHINY EFFECT] 

BARBARA TODDES: By low quality, I don't mean that they're contaminated or anything like that. I mean they're low in nutrient composition. And so if you feed them something like a peanut, which is an incredibly dense high fat protein little pellet, it doesn't do anything for them as far as satiating them or making them feel full. So no, your elephant will be much, much happier if you give him a great big pile of yellow hay. 

GUNGADOR: OK, yellow hay. Gungador just made quick trip to Taco Farm. 

[KNOCKS] 

No. More knocking. 

EVERYONE: Come in. 

MARC SANCHEZ: 'Sup, pals? 

EVERYONE: Hi, Marc Sanchez. 

MARC SANCHEZ: Sorry I'm a few minutes early. I was just coming from my shift at the Taco Farm, and I didn't want to awkwardly hang outside waiting for the party to officially start. Plus, this wheelbarrow full of hay is pretty heavy. 

GUNGADOR: Marc. Marc save dinner party. 

[SHINY EFFECT] 

BOB: I thought I saved the dinner party. 

MARC SANCHEZ: It's true. My puns can save any awkward silence. Hey, check out this bowl of bananas. They have such great appeal. Hey-o. 

[DRUM SNARE] 

Speaking of, I don't mind if I do. 

GUNGADOR: No, not for Marc. Marcs eat pickle tacos hanging from ceiling fan. Bananas for Gungador's new friend Maureen. Maureen nice monkey. Wait, Barbara, do monkeys actually eat bananas? 

BARBARA TODDES: Monkeys will certainly eat bananas if you give them to them. But it will cause them a lot of problems. 

GUNGADOR: What kind problems? 

BARBARA TODDES: They'll get cavities. It will upset their stomachs. And it will give them diarrhea. It just really makes them sick. 

MARC SANCHEZ: Talk about party poopers. Hey-o. 

[DRUM SNARE] 

GUNGADOR: Monkeys eat hay, by chance? 

BARBARA TODDES: Well, they really do well with fruit, but you have to pick the fruit carefully. And vegetables. They love vegetables. One of the best vegetables for primates is carrots. Carrots are actually very, very similar to the fiber sugar that is found in wild fruit. 

GUNGADOR: Hear that? Carrots. Gungador need a Gungador's dozen of carrots. Stat! 

MOLLY BLOOM: A Gungador's dozen? 

GUNGADOR: 15, Molly 15! 

[BEEPING] 

Marc, fix smoke detector. Joy, arrange hay in artful pattern. Sanden, get ranch dressing front and running. Bob, alphabetize the bites. Why no one moving? 

JOY DOLO: How do you ask nicely, Gungador? 

GUNGADOR: Please! 

BOB: I'm on it, big buddy. 

JOY DOLO: My pleasure. 

SANDEN TOTTEN: Well you bet. 

MARC SANCHEZ: Happy to help. 

GUNGADOR: Thank you. 

[FUMBLING] 

[SHINY EFFECT] 

GUNGADOR: Gungador and friends did it. Dinner party ready. 

MOLLY BLOOM: And just in time. 

[KNOCKS] 

EVERYONE: Come in. 

SUBJECT 1: Hey. 

SUBJECT 2: Hi. 

SUBJECT 3: That looks delicious. 

SUBJECT 4: Gungador! 

SUBJECT 5: Hey, everybody. 

SUBJECT 6: Thanks for having us over. 

[MUSIC PLAYING] 

ROSE DUPONT: Thank you for stopping by Brains On headquarters today. This episode was made by me, Rose DuPont, Nico Gonzalez Wisler, Shahla Farzan, and [? Otto Moldis Lassy. ?] Many thanks to Vic Creckler and Eric Wringham. This episode was sound design by Rachel Breeze. Our executive producer is Beth Perlman, and the executives in charge of APM Studios are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joann Griffith. Thanks so much for listening. 

Smarty Pass Bonus: Gungador Hosts a Dinner Party!

Smarty Pass Bonus: Frankenstein and shapeshifters

Today your Smarty Pass is taking you to Brains On Headquarters! Molly will take you on tour which involves a trip in Elevator and a stop in the Laboraktichen to hear from Ruby Guthrie about how Frankenstein was created. We’ll also visit the Werehouse, a special clothing store for shapeshifters. We’re so glad you’re here! Thank you for supporting our shows!


Today your Smarty Pass is taking you to Brains On Headquarters! Molly will take you on tour which involves a trip in Elevator and a stop in the Laboraktichen to hear how Frankenstein was created from Ruby Guthrie. We'll also visit the Werehouse, a special clothing store for shapeshifters. We're so glad you're here! Thank you for supporting our shows!

CREW: Now entering Brains On headquarters. 

[BEEPING] 

MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my gosh, hi. Welcome to Brains On headquarters. We're so glad you're here today. That Smarty Pass you're holding gets you access to all sorts of behind the scenes goodies, including visits to headquarters. Ruby said she had a story she wanted to share with you. I think she's waiting for us in the labora-kitchen. 

It's just a short walk and an elevator ride away. Follow me. So this is where we make Brains On, Smash Boom Best, Forever Ago, Moment of Um. We're cooking up some new stuff, too. We can't wait to tell you all about it. Oh, here comes Gungador. Hey, Gungador. Oh, he has his headphones in. Gungador! 

GUNGADOR: Huh? 

MOLLY BLOOM: Hi, just taking our friend here to go meet Ruby. 

GUNGADOR: Gungador just came from dance class with Ruby. Gungador showed Ruby how to do split kick, side slinky, and backwards leapfrog. Gungador exhausted and sweaty. 

MOLLY BLOOM: You sure are. See you later. OK, through there is the taco farm, if you're hungry later. And behind that door is the tree hall of fame. Oh, and that's our saber-toothed fact checker. He's awesome, a real stickler for bibliographies, though. Oh, and here is Elevator. 

ELEVATOR: You called? 

MOLLY BLOOM: To the labora-kitchen, please, Elevator. 

ELEVATOR: Labora-kitchen coming up. You're new here. So here's a joke I wrote especially for you. What do you call a broken escalator? Stairs, get it? Tough crowd. Anyway, here's the labora-kitchen. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Thanks, Elevator. And here's our pal, Ruby Guthrie. 

RUBY GUTHRIE: Hi, Molly. And ooh, look at you with that shiny new Smarty Pass. Welcome. 

MOLLY BLOOM: I hear you have a story for us. 

RUBY GUTHRIE: Indeed, I do. It's spooky season around here, with Halloween right around the corner. So I thought I would tell you about the teenage girl who invented the genre of science fiction. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Ooh, I can't wait. 

RUBY GUTHRIE: It all started on a dark and stormy night in 1816. 

[THUNDER CLAPPING] 

Now, 1816 is known as the year without a summer. All over the world, the weather was cold and dreary. Crops didn't grow well. And some rivers flooded. There were ice storms in July in New England. It was not a normal summer. People weren't aware at the time. But it is now believed that a massive volcano in Indonesia was responsible for the strangely cool and stormy time. This volcano, called Mount Tambora, erupted the year before. 

And it sent a massive cloud of dust into the atmosphere, so big, in fact, that it had an impact on the whole world's climate. And it was during this year without a summer that an 18-year-old named Mary Shelley was staying at a house in Switzerland. She was there with her husband and some friends. Back then, people sometimes got married when they were teenagers. They were on a beautiful lake. But the weather forced them to stay inside. 

SUBJECT 1: Mary, it's just a little rain. Let's just go out for a little bit. 

MARY SHELLEY: It's 1816. If we catch a cold in that rain, we could literally die. 

SUBJECT 1: Oh right, 1816, no wonder these lights don't work. 

MARY SHELLEY: That's a candle. 

RUBY GUTHRIE: As is the appropriate activity for a cold night, they were reading a book of ghost stories around a fire. Inspired, one of Mary's friends suggested they each try to write their own ghost story. 

SUBJECT 1: We shall each write a ghost story, something thrilling and bone chilling. 

MARY SHELLEY: Ooh, what kind of ghost story? 

SUBJECT 1: I don't know, something groundbreaking, if you can. 

MARY SHELLEY: Hmm, oh, I have an idea. Once upon a time, there was a genius scientist who was obsessed with creating new life. He thought if he could just find the right ingredients, he could create something living from dead objects. 

RUBY GUTHRIE: And out of Mary's imagination, Frankenstein's monster was born. 

[THUNDER CLAP] 

SUBJECT 1: Wow, that story was bone-chilling. Mary, that was truly a novel idea. 

MARY SHELLEY: Really? You like the idea for my story? 

SUBJECT 1: I mean that literally sounds like something you should write as a novel. 

MARY SHELLEY: Oh my gosh, it's all happening. I'm going to be a famous novelist! 

RUBY GUTHRIE: So she wrote it all out. Her novel was called Frankenstein. 

[GROWL] 

OK, so the saber-toothed fact-checker wants to make clear that Frankenstein was published two years after the rainy night in Geneva, and that Mary Shelley published the book anonymously, meaning people didn't know who wrote the book, since she hid her name. In fact, a lot of people assumed her husband wrote it. 

[GROWL] 

You're right. That is awful. But at least we know now. In the book, a university student named Victor Frankenstein assembles different dead body parts into a single body, and is able to bring this body back to life. Victor abandons his creation, forcing the creature to try to find his way in a world that is afraid of him. 

[MONSTER MOAN] 

At the time Mary Shelley's book was written, electricity was a big, new exciting deal. Scientists across the world were experimenting with it and started to understand its huge power. Some people were even using electrical currents to make the muscles of dead bodies move. When Mary Shelley wrote her book, new and powerful scientific discoveries were announced regularly. 

Things like electricity and the invention of the steam engine promised to change the way that humans live their lives. And Mary Shelley was posing questions about what we can and should do with these new powers. In her story, Dr. Victor Frankenstein was so eager to create life, he didn't stop to think about what the end results would be. Turns out, it was a monstrous! 

[MONSTER MOANS] 

It was a book about science. And it was fiction. And it was a totally new type of story. And that's how Mary Shelley invented science fiction. 

MOLLY BLOOM: So mad scientists, visitors from other worlds, and robots were inspired by her work? 

RUBY GUTHRIE: Yup. 

MOLLY BLOOM: What about alternate universes, clones, simulations? 

RUBY GUTHRIE: You could argue Frankenstein was an ancestor to all of that. 

MOLLY BLOOM: What about werewolves, was that her, too? 

RUBY GUTHRIE: No, that's not sci-fi, since it wasn't inspired by science and technology. Humans have used myths and legends to explore the unknown long before they were able to harness electricity and make machines. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Well, what inspired werewolves then? 

RUBY GUTHRIE: That's not really my department. 

ELEVATOR: Did somebody say werewolves? 

MOLLY BLOOM: Are you going to just keep dropping in? 

ELEVATOR: I'm an elevator. Dropping in is what I do. Now, if you want to know about werefolk, I know the perfect department store. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Did you say werefolk? 

ELEVATOR: Going up, 59th floor, home of the werehouse. 

MOLLY BLOOM: What in the wild world of podcasting is the werehouse? 

SUBJECT 2: Hello, welcome to the werehouse, the Shape Shifters Clothing Emporium. That's W-E-R-E house, where we put the "me" in metamorphosis. Is there something I can help you find today? 

MOLLY BLOOM: Well, we were just on another floor where we learned werewolves aren't a part of science fiction. 

SUBJECT 2: Yep, yep, yep, werefolk are a fantasy, magic, a whole lot of hocum, none of which involve science or technology. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to help a few customers. 

MOLLY BLOOM: OK, you're now the second one who has said werefolk. So can you tell me what you're talking about? Well now, you didn't think werewolves were the only half human, half creature out there, did you? I've got a whole variety of customers from all over the world, like this fine fella. Hello. 

MELVIN: Hi, my name's Melvin. I'm here for a fitting. 

SUBJECT 2: Oh, that's right, the merman, half man, half fish. You made an appointment yesterday. Let me just get my tape measure. I see you have a human head and torso, and the tail of a fish. 

MELVIN: Correct, we humanoid aquatic creatures have a number of forms. Although mine's probably the most famous. Legends say that the first merman was the Babylonian God of the Sea. He had a fish tail just like mine. And the first mermaid of legend was the Syrian goddess, Atargatis. She wanted to take the form of a fish. But the other gods thought she was too beautiful to be just a fish. So she kept a human top half. And only her lower half got fishy. 

SUBJECT 2: That reminds me, can you breathe right now? 

MELVIN: I'm holding my breath between sentences. 

SUBJECT 2: OK, let's make this quick. 

MELVIN: Do you have any kind of formal wetsuit, something sopfishticated, like something I could wear to a sand-bar mitzvah. 

SUBJECT 2: You know, I think I do. Check over there in textiles. And here's a bowl of water for you to put your face in for a minute. 

MELVIN: Will do. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Wow, so werewolves and fish people. I wonder what other kinds of human animal creatures there are. 

[SQUEAL] 

SUBJECT 2: Oh, hi, buddy. How'd you get in here? 

DAEMON: I am not your buddy, buddy. 

SUBJECT 2: Oh goodness, I'm so sorry, rookie mistake. I didn't realize you were a shapeshifter. 

DAEMON: I am Daemon, the werecat, part human, part feline. And I demand to be directed to your extra small cat suits immediately! I have a wedding to attend. And it's going to be a beautiful catrimony-- now. 

SUBJECT 2: Absolutely, right this way. 

DAEMON: And please send over a can of tuna and a jiggly ball. Snap, snap. 

SUBJECT 2: I did not expect a cat. Oh look, here's just a regular old human. 

SUBJECT 3: Hi, I'm looking for a shirt. 

SUBJECT 2: I'm sorry, what's that, sir? 

SUBJECT 3: I'm looking for a shirt? 

SUBJECT 2: We've got lots of those. What kind of shirt? 

SUBJECT 3: A bear shirt. 

SUBJECT 2: I'm having a really hard time hearing you. 

SUBJECT 3: I said a bear shirt. 

SUBJECT 2: I'm so sorry, sir. Did you say bear? 

SUBJECT 3: It is a coat made out of bear skin. And when I put it on, I go into a trance-like fury and can fight any battle with out-of-control strength and violence. 

SUBJECT 2: Oh, you're a berserker! 

MOLLY BLOOM: What's a berserker? 

SUBJECT 2: They're from old Norse legend, warriors who wore bear skins to get superpowers. I've always wanted to meet a battle bear! 

SUBJECT 3: Well, do you have a bear shirt in size XXXL or not? Because I'm going camping this weekend. And my friends are relying on me to carry the canoe and cooler! 

[GROWL] 

SUBJECT 2: Now, would you prefer a model with the bear skull attached? I know that's more traditional. But we also have some other options. I think I saw a few tufts of fur peeking out of a shipment of ponchos yesterday. Why don't you head to the back of the store. And someone will be along to help you. 

[GOAT BLEATS] 

MOLLY BLOOM: What is that, a goat? 

PATRICK: Sorry about that. I'm Patrick, the Púca. And I'm a shapeshifting creature from Celtic and German folklore that's either bringing you good or bad luck. And I won't tell which one. 

SUBJECT 2: Well, just a quick reminder, Patrick. We do have a no-mischief in-store policy. Are you looking for anything in particular? 

PATRICK: Maybe. 

[HORSE NEIGHS] 

SUBJECT 2: Whoa, now you're a horse? 

PATRICK: Do you have anything in a really flexible fabric for someone whose figure fluctuates a lot? I got invited to a wereprom. And I'm excited to showcase my dance moves. And-- [SNEEZES] 

SUBJECT 2: And there he goes! Bye, doggie. See, we serve so many types of mythical creatures here at the werehouse. Today has been especially busy. Gosh, it's been so stressful. And when I get stressed, I-- oh no, I'm not supposed to do this at work. There are rules. Oh no! 

[EXPLOSION] 

MOLLY BLOOM: What's happening to you? 

SUBJECT 2: Oh no, my secret is out! Yes, I am a sales person, and a very, very good one. But I also am a jorogumo, a creature of Japanese folklore that can manipulate hordes of small fire-breathing spiders. And when I get stressed, I morph. Can I actually see this catsuit in a size-- spiders! Don't make me mad, or I'll-- 

[FIRE SPARKS] 

Oops, spit out a fireball. Oh no, the centaur pants are on fire! Well, [EVIL LAUGH] 

MOLLY BLOOM: I'm just going to see myself out. Elevator? 

ELEVATOR: Where do you want to go? 

MOLLY BLOOM: To the lobby, please. 

ELEVATOR: Got it. Here we are, the lobby. 

MOLLY BLOOM: So speedy, thanks, Elevator. Oh hey, Joy Dolo, host of Forever Ago. 

JOY DOLO: Oh hey, Molly. Want to try the anti-gravity machine? I'm getting it all tuned up for a Forever Ago episode about women astronauts. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, amazing. I cannot wait to hear that one. 

JOY DOLO: I'm also getting ready to defend mustard against the dreaded mayonnaise for Smash Boom Best. 

MOLLY BLOOM: Oh yeah, we're coming back in January with new episodes! 

JOY DOLO: Mayonnaise better watch out. Mustard and I are ready to bring the heat! 

[BELL DINGS] 

Speaking of, I think my mustard burrito is ready. See ya! 

MOLLY BLOOM: OK, bye, Joy. Well, thanks so much for stopping by. Please come back soon. Thank you for supporting our show with your awesome Smarty Pass. High fives! That's it for this Smarty Pass episode. It was produced by [LISTING HONOR ROLL] to 

Thank you so much, Smarty Pass friends. We couldn't do it without you. Have a great day! 



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